Thursday, August 6, 2020

I Figured It Out

Well, I guess I've got a problem then.


I went for up until just recently, over 20 years, not knowing the real definition of "Mammon".


The church would say "Choose you this day, whom ye will serve... as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord ... You cannot serve both God and Mammon".


That's snippets from my memory of things the church would tell us. It kind of gets you to want to serve Jesus.


This means that you aren't working for money, which is something I've only just learned in more recent months.


Well, I have memories of my childhood ------ and I have to say things seemed so wrong in my household/family that I wanted to put in an extra special effort for Jesus so I could make it to heaven too.


You see, the way I saw my family back in those days ------ we were not about to make it to heaven. Not by a long shot. I had to devote myself to making a special effort.


So::::: Annie Liability, my old friend from The Book of Finch story.


I wasn't good enough for her, considering how crap my family was (that's one perspective of looking at it).


Over time she tried giving many reasons for why she and I could not be together, and these reasons didn't really make sense to me.


But, now knowing the definition of "Mammon" ------- I have a better idea.


She tried explaining to me that she wanted a career.


At the time I had no idea why her career would keep her and me apart.


But now I understand:::: If I'm going to work for the Lord, and she's going to work for Mammon:::: The church had some kind of policy of couples not being unequally yoked.


Jesus said something about not unequally yoking yourself with unbelievers.


I won't say if she was really a believer or not::::: but I was more interested in working for God than she was, she was working for Mammon, I was working for God ------ there ------ that explains why it wouldn't work.



But this goes a step further.



If she's working for MAMMON ----- Plus how I'm NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER --------



If she's working for baser interests and I'm not even good enough for that ----------



Yup ------ maybe that's where the Bishop got his idea that I made a deal with the Devil.



Sucks to be me:::::::: I wanted to serve God, but my family was such a mess that I wasn't good enough for someone who serves Mammon ----------- as such I'm shunted, it seems to the very bottom of the pile.




That explains so much.



Well, there you go.



This is how my life's story went because my family had some serious problems, I wanted to serve God to put in that extra effort, and yet we never even understood the actual definition of the word "Mammon".



That explains it.



It's been 20 years ----- but now it makes sense.




But yeah ----- My family does have a problem where people seem to do the opposite of what they are asked on so many occasions ------ so there really is an issue.



I wanted to serve God to put in the extra effort ---------- but it seems I might be shunted down the lowest levels at that point.




Thing is:::: It's not my fault. My Family's actions are not representative of what I personally choose, so even though I have relatives who seem wrong, I  personally try to choose differently --------



But anyway, now it makes sense how my life turned out that way.



I'm not even good enough for a servant of mammon. Where does that put me? Wow. I'm screwed.



But yeah, I think I figured it out. This is just my ideation on the old topic, with new information involved.

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