Tuesday, July 7, 2020

Goings on and thoughts

Last night I managed to install the latest LTS of Unity on my Catalina Mac ----- so the very initial beginning of me being able to work on another project has begun.

The project isn't as clear in my mind right now as it was a while ago ---- but maybe I can revive it.

This morning I was thinking about my personal supposed agreement with God and how confusing things got.

Like, ever since I was a teenager, I felt I had made an agreement with God whereas I would serve God for the rest of my life in exchange for my exaltation.

But things on that matter seem to have been at least a little confused.

1) "Celestial Exaltation" is a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Concept ----- so who knows if it is real. Cross out the celestial part and you are left with just exaltation ----- which is a concept which exists in Christianity too, but happens when you humble yourself ---- who knows if serving God is involved (it might be).

2) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the church that raised me, taught me "Choose you this day whom ye will serve .... ye cannot serve God and Mammon" ----- Though "you cannot serve God and Mammon" also appears in the Bible ------ the church's interpretation of that statement was DIFFERENT from how normal people interpret that statement. Normal people interpret it to mean "You cannot serve both God and Money" whereas if I remember correctly the church I was raised in taught that it meant "You cannot serve both God and the Devil".

3) So it's kind of weird when I knew someone at church, who was a home teacher of our family's, who read my book, and supposedly knew of my agreement with God ----- and then offered me a job paying $2000 a month. You know what's weird about this? Either he didn't know, and I didn't know or we both didn't know the actual interpretation of "You cannot serve God and Mammon". We came from the same church ------ and we both knew of my agreement, and yet for a week I worked for him, working for money, which supposedly screws my agreement. I quit my job with him when I realized that working for him was a really, really bad idea -------- but there you go:::: we both knew of my agreement with God, but I was clueless about what "Serving God" actually meant while he was either clueless as well or he was deliberately sabotaging me ------ and it's not unbelievable that he would be deliberately sabotaging me.

So Yeah -------- the whole concept of working for exaltation comes from the church in the first place ------ but it's weird when the church doesn't tell you the actual meaning of the God and Mammon statement and then tries to make you work for money even though you shouldn't.

Messed up.

I worked for him for only a week ----- that whole time I was clueless that working for money would be against my morals ------ but I did quickly realize, during that week, that doing the job he offered me was a really bad idea. Yeah.

A person from Church offers me a job that is against my morals? Yup ---- it's a trap ----- but it's weird how he may also not have realized at the time that what he was doing was pretty much wrong.

He may not have realized it. It may have been an innocent mistake on both our parts.

The church's education on that scripture just wasn't like everyone else's understanding.

And finally, I will say that I'm thankful to Youtube for teaching me about the economy and economic systems.

When I was in High School I think I suffered from some misunderstandings about economic systems and their definitions.

I don't know if it was just being wrongly taught or if it was my mental illness ------ but I'm so happy now that I have a better understanding of things. Yay.

It's unfortunate, but I think my Dad may be missing the education I now have. My Dad might be a big reason why my High School education was so off for all I know. I was told I was delusional ---- maybe some of the things I wrongly understood came from my Dad ------ but I already know that trying to explain things to him will be difficult, as it always is.

I recently sent my Dad a text asking him if he actually had a goal of getting to the Celestial Kingdom while he was going to church.

He refused to answer the question.

Either he was raising me in Church without the actual goal in his thoughts and actions ---- which is kind of messed up ---------

Or he didn't understand the church's own teaching that certain things just aren't allowed in heaven (such as namecalling from my sister).

To my Dad, my sister's namecalling in my childhood was just normal to him.

But according to Jesus in the Bible, all that namecalling was a very, very bad thing to do.

So it's just weird if his goal was heaven that he wasn't teaching her to behave that way.

Which means he may have been raising me in the church without caring about the actual goal.

Which is kind of messed up.

And those are my thoughts for now.

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