Yesterday was Christmas.
I recently said I now believe in freedom rather than equality ---- Christmas exemplified that perfectly.
My father and I both had half-filled stockings and no gifts.
My mom had two or three gifts and no stocking (and she still hasn't opened them either).
Only my brother had a fully filled stocking and a gift.
But seriously, I told everyone beforehand that this Christmas I wasn't buying gifts ------- I ended up just getting some cheap toys for the kids,
and "a Christmas elf teleported into my bedroom" and gave me a backgammon board game.
Christmas was all it had to be ---- this year I didn't see the point in doing large amounts of splurging.
My main stocking stuffers outside of candy and chips were:
1) Acoustic Guitar Strings
2) A Canadian Folk Music Coin
3) A video from my dead Grandpa's 90th birthday
4) a $25 gift card.
That was my Christmas. Besides the party we had.
But after the party was over, I was thinking, and though nobody wanted to hear it, I tried pointing this out::::
My Patriarchal Blessing from the church told me the missionaries would pronounce blessings to heal the sick.
And though I suffered from a severe illness, I don't remember anyone from the church ever trying to bless me with a healing.
My Dad even gave me a blessing once that said again that my patriarchal blessing would come true -----
and the blessing said the missionaries would heal the sick ------- yet this has never happened.
I'm pretty sure I've managed to get myself back to this level of mental health by essentially blessing or praying myself back to health. No blessings from the missionaries.
All the church ever did was force me on drugs for believing in miracles and tell me not to believe in God anymore --- they did this through psychiatry. They told me to see the psychiatry so it is their own fault I was treated this way.
No blessings to heal me though.
I suppose the condition the patriarch placed on this part of the blessing was this::::
"If you are faithful and keep the Lord's Commandments" then the missionaries will heal the sick.
I really tried believing in the church. It wasn't faithfulness that was my problem.
I guess I wasn't keeping the commandments well enough or something. It's weird how the church couldn't just forgive me for that either.
This is the church that says they forgive everything, yet normal male hormones couldn't just be forgiven it seems.
Masturbation is apparently so offensive to the church that there's no way they could just forgive it and heal the sick.
They're trying to be like Jesus -------- and though Jesus forgave sinners and healed the sick ----- the church wasn't about to do the same I guess.
Anyway ------ I was just thinking about that stuff last night, how the blessing said something, and how the church completely avoided actually doing it.
They gave me a blessing, and they wouldn't allow it to come true. It could have come true I think, but the church ended up making every effort to make sure it didn't come true. Huh.
I guess masturbation is just really, really offensive to them or something.