Thursday, December 19, 2019

Feeling some Schizophrenia again

So::: a few days ago I started feeling well enough and then seeing my brother do poorly enough that I started to believe in freedom rather than equality.

Well, some equalization has come along.

Though I'm still doing better than when my sickness was at its worst many years ago ----

today I learned another new song on the Harmonica, and then I could feel my brain start to - how do I explain this?

As a schizophrenic, part of my problem is that I may be skilled and expert at something, but all of the sudden the information, the knowledge, the talent, will just disappear from my mind, and I'll draw a blank.

today this started to happen with my harmonica music, although it was only mild, especially because I was able to find the tabs again and re-practice myself.

But this is a problem. I learn so much, I think I'm doing so well --

Then wham, my brain starts to basically completely forrget everything I just learned, even though I was basically an expert just moments ago.

So::: I still have some kind of problem.

It felt almost as if there was a mystical force equalizing me with my brother, whose problems are a bit worse than my own.

A pity really. I try to pray for him to get better. anyway --- I don't need to say much about that situation. it is what ti is.

And yeah, I'm actually a little bit bugged that there seemed to be like a mystical force bringing me closer down to his level.

I was doing so well, and wham, I start losing my memories and expertise very quickly.

Can't he be equalized up to my level rather than me down to his? that would be nice.

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