Saturday, October 26, 2019

What is my goal?

Well, I've been on LBRY for just a few months now and I'm already commonly highly placed on Trending.

In just a few months, with very limited exposure to people, I've made about $23CAD of cryptocurrency from the platform.

That is a sign of hopefully continuing economic success from these efforts.

But what is it all for? Why am I doing it?

In the beginning of this whole adventure of me trying to do something with my life:::: my idea was that I was going to work for Jesus, from a Mormon/LDS way.

But back then my knowledge of the Mormon/LDS ways was heavily limited, especially because I've never been to the temple or got my endowment.

I basically set out to serve Mormon Jesus -------- and learned as I went along, and found some things to be very messed up.

So:::: I've done what I've done, I've had all this experience, I'm suddenly having some kind of success --------

but now I'm wondering ---- What is it all for?

My end goal is not the same now as when I started out.

I started out planning to do certain things with my life:::: but as I found more information, my plans have to change ------

And I just have to figure out exactly what it is I'm going for with my new found success.

$23 isn't much, but it's the biggest gains I've made for a long time. I'm highly placed on trending.

I could do something with this status ------ it should be something good, or useful, at least entertaining.

It's just weird how I started this whole "business" with serving Mormon Jesus in mind only to figure out that this is not how I should be.

What should my end goal be?

Maybe I just have to just hope to entertain people. Maybe I need to set my end goal at a humbler level than before.

To entertain people with guitar and video games? To try to teach people something useful with these medias? Hmmmm.

I need to figure out a worthwhile end goal. My former end goal is not suitable anymore.

I mean::: I should be doing something with my life, it would be a great waste to do nothing.

But it's a good idea to have something to work towards. yeah.


I was just thinking about things that are good that I might try to teach people in LBRY videos.

And I realized something relevant to this post that I should make an update about.

Mormonism is actually full of wisdom.

Mormonism actually teaches many good things.

There are things about the church or the history of the church which are pretty much very wrong,

But when I think about wise things I might impart to others in videos,

I have a realization that many of these good ideas were also taught in the Mormon church.

Mormonism became so wrong somehow --------- but so many good ideas were expressed in that group.

Weird stuff.

Here's a runthrough of some of the good things Mormons taught::

1) Give. Do service. This is good stuff.

2) Don't have sex. I know a lot of people completely miss the point of this one::: but it's a good point::: just don't have sex.

3) The world we live in cannot be expected to be perfect. Basically, the Mormons believe we live in a telestial world, or a very low level world ----- so don't expect people to be on their best behavior.

4) Despite how the world around us is so wrong, it's up to YOU to be perfect/do your best. Let your light shine.

I mean::::: in so many ways the church just becomes so wrong,

but there are things they taught which were really, really good to know.

So:::: it's hard for me to tell if I should distance myself from Mormon Jesus or go back to Mormon Jesus.

The church is really a mised bag. There's the good and the bad.

Sometimes the bad is very noticeable -------

but when I think about all these wise things I know ------- the Mormon church already beat me to the punch, so to speak.

Who knows.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

I've re-published Coconuts versus Bananas

I've re-published my old Forge TV title "Coconuts versus Bananas: The Invasion of Carl CocoPalm".

It's on LBRY.

The channel is at KrisAttfieldGAMES.

You can download the LBRY client at

It costs 40 cents USD worth of LBRY Credits to pay for the download.

It requires exactly 4 players to be played who must each have a gamepad. No keyboard or mouse controls.

It works on macOS, Linux and Windows.

I think I've said everything I have to.

Go have some fun!!

(Oh --- I playtested the game with a friend and family --- it was great fun --- much better on Mac than on Forge TV).

Friday, October 18, 2019

Reducing Reusing and Redeciding

Well, with my Dad's help I was able to upgrade my old Linux Laptop with a new SSD -----

that breathes new life into this laptop,

so I'll be reusing it for longer, and reducing the number of computers I plan on purchasing over time.

And we can buy an external enclosure and reuse the hard drive taken out of the laptop as well.

But despite reducing clutter and junk -----

I have been having second thoughts about voting for the Green Party. Maybe I won't.

But I don't need to convince anyone of anything.

Part of my problem is I might not be fully intellectually-capable.

My intellectual abilities have been improving over the years ------

But with how smart I was in grade 12 and university it's clear I've had my problems.

But want to know what really boggles me?

Me --- with the problems I've had ------- why on earth did the church think it was a good idea to tell me to go to university even though my patriarchal blessing didn't say so and my brain wasn't in the mood?

It's just kind of strange that there was so much emphasis on University after high school ----- but my functioning as very-very low at that point so I don't understand why my intellect with limited ability at that time was being told to study at higher education.

It didn't make sense.

If the church knew I wasn't mentally-well, why would they send me to something I'm going to fail at, while taking away Avril Lavigne who was helping with my psychological issues?

Something was wrong with that.

But I digress ----- my brain isn't always fully functional, therefore it's not on me to convince anyone of anything political.

Saturday, October 12, 2019

Someone Else Handing out my Phone Number?

Well --- I guess I can't even be certain that the phone calls I receive are even for me.

Twice now I've received a call from a specific clinic ---- and both times the call wasn't for me. It has nothing to do with me, and yet they phone my number about someone else's business.

And I don't really feel like responding to their messages to tell them they got the wrong guy. They should realize they have the wrong guy when they listen to my voicemail message.

So who knows.


Ever since I was young, I was so very interested in computers especially with all the fun I could have with them for gaming.

I'd often be dreaming about some kind of expensive new mac.

And when I finally got the expensive new mac, I would then wonder what it's like to run a low end computer with a different operating system.

Just a real keen interest of mine.

And it's an expensive interest that I've luckily managed to largely avoid at this point in my life, now that I've had my fill of both the high end and the low end.

But the same thing is happening to me with Guitars.

Guitars take up space, and they cost money.

I already have three guitars, and that should be all I need.

But I am intrigued by a guitar marketed on Youtube called the LAVA ME 2 which costs about 900 dollars ------

As well as I'm also interested in, just for fun, the super cheap Epiphone Les Paul at a string of local guitar shops.

I could actually buy that Les Paul in a couple weeks ----- except where would I put it ---- and why would I need to considering I already have 3 guitars? I can only play one guitar at a time.

As well as I might need the money for medical treatment soon enough.

So, I'm just saying it's interesting how my keen interest in computers made my eyes wander --- both to the high end and low end --------

and now a similar thing is happening with guitars.

I wonder if it's the same kind of thing for why people Linux Distro Hop. Maybe.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

New Amplifier

I've bought a new Amp.

It's a brand-name amp.

I like it because it's portable and battery-powered.

I plan on using it with my electric guitar at a family event that's coming soon.

It has built-in Overdrive and Delay. And some other feature I haven't looked at yet.

I turned on the OD ---- I set the delay ------


I guess the major distinguishing feature of this amp that my first amp didn't have was the delay.

The delay makes it sound awesome.

Anyway. yeah. I have good settings on my guitar, and the amp sounds awesome.

I wouldn't want to tell what kind of amp it is because I'm in a habit of not identifying individuals publicly, as well as who knows if the people who made the amp will like me or dislike me (because my life is so very effed up and people could take any position).

Though I don't believe forgiveness should always be the default stance for every problem, having grown up how I did I may have to rely on the forgiveness and understanding of people who realize that I was being indoctrinated. Enough said about that.

But, because it's kind of relevant to Avril Lavigne, I'll say this:

You will always be my Blackstar Fly 3. Yeah. I love it.

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

I've Re-Published The Eagle's Sore Ebook


for a long time now I took all my ebooks off of publishing services. No ebooks available for a long time.

But, this evening, in lieu of having Coconuts versus Bananas properly playtested and ready to go -----

I've decided to publish my novella "The Eagle's Sore" on LBRY.

It's at KrisAttfield --- the channel at KrisAttfield.

It costs 9USD worth of LBRY credits. I saw no point in keeping the price down to the pennies on this product.

As for The Book of Finch and Letters to Whomever ---- I'm thinking I'll let those two books drift into the mists of the past.

No point in digging up old quarrels.

The Book of Finch and Letters to Whomever had a purpose ----- but those life stories are so awful there's just no point in resurrecting them. I don't think so at least. The already published books did their jobs I think. Although I didn't really get paid much.

And as a note:::: Today I was diagnosed with another disease. It's possible I might have to spend money to get full treatment. (maybe $450CAD --- maybe) ------ so that's why I need to sell products and make money ----- so I can afford things like this.

Of course, the original dream was to make money so I could buy a house and have a family and all that ---- is that too much to ask for?

LBRY seems pretty decent ------ at least I make some money on that platform ----- which is more than I can say for anything else I've tried so far.

Problem with LBRY Credits is they seem to be devaluing pretty quickly. If LBRY credits were still worth 0.016CAD ---- then my current balance would be about 23 dollars worth. But the price of LBC had dropped to about 0.011CAD ------ which means my credits are only worth around 16 dollars or so.

Making The Eagle's Sore worth 9USD might give people a reason to buy LBC rather than just sell them. Yeah.

Monday, October 7, 2019

Something Really Weird just happened.

I checked my budget in Numbers on my iPhone.

I had $183.57 available according to the spreadsheet.

I then went to my banking app to make sure that number was correct.

The banking app said my balance was $180.57 (3 dollars had been automatically put in savings).

So, I logged out of banking --- and went to reopen numbers to manually update my budget.

Something weird happened.

Usually, my numbers spreadsheet is zoomed in so I can see the numbers close-up and easily edit them.

But in a flash, the spreadsheet was zoomed out.

This isn't the weird part.

I made the finger gesture to zoom-in.

And I saw that the number on my budget that Iw as going to manually change had been automatically changed to the right number.

Either the phone is learning and knows exactly what goes where ----- or there was some magic ----- or I manually changed it, blanked out and completely forgot what I just did without realizing I already did what I wanted to do.

Weirdest thing.

My iOS recently updated to the new version ----- is this a feature of the new OS?

Either it's a kind of scary technological advancement ------- or it was some miracle where I just willed the data to change without having to press anything -------- or I made the change myself, completely blanked out and forgot what I just did ------ which is pretty weird.

Yeah ------ I've noticed some other weird stuff like this too.

Like, ever since I lost my friendship with the ballerina girl ------- she did keep in contact for a while afterward, intermittently --------

and sometimes I think I remember what she said ------ but then I'll go look up her email, and find that the email is not how I remembered it ------- as if the email changed on the storage system or I'm having memory problems.

I'm not sure I should go into detail about what happened the last time I thought I remembered I knew what she said, I looked it up in the records, and found something a bit different ---- it's just a very strange thing.

In one email she gives me one set of inaccurate ideas --------- and then years later when I check the email again, she says she can't remember exactly and the story of the email is changed from how I remember it used to be.

It's like of like how I was reading "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W Kimball, I came across some things in the book I definitely remembered ------

and when I looked back in the same book years later, the writing had completely changed and the message had changed as if someone had switched out my original copy with a different edition that said different stuff.

it's the weirdest thing.

To recap:

1) Some data automagically changed in my spreadsheet. I've never seen this happen before.
2) Emails from an old friend seemed to have magically changed over the years so as they are now are not how I remember what she originally said.
3) A book I read seemed to magically change as if someone switched out my copy with a different edition with a different message (but the same cover of the book was used).

Just really weird stuff.

Something is just really weird when the number in your spreadsheet automagically changed to the correct number all by itself without me having to do manual data entry.

Really --- really ----- weird.

Saturday, October 5, 2019

Big Stuff

So --- yesterday was a big day, kind of.

I decided I would beautify my bedroom a bit by rearranging and cleaning up.

I found an old shoebox from my childhood just sitting there --- it had been sitting there for ages and no one ever bothered with it.

I looked inside.

I found treasure!!!

The shoebox was mostly empty, but the bottom fifth or fourth of the volume of the box was littered with coins.

There were all these loonies from the early 1990's that were still pretty shiny sitting in there.

The youngest coin I think I found in the box was a toonie from 1996. It was still kind of shiny.

So, I was excited about my little bit of archaeology.

All the loonies and toonie together was worth $36.

In 1996 $36 would have been worth about $55 in today's money.

Maybe that's why I always felt so poor when I was young ---- rather than spend, I saved my money in a shoebox and completely forgot about it.

I decided I would add the money to this month's budget.

I spent two dollars on a lottery ticket. I lost.

I spent twenty dollars on a book. That was actually pretty good deal ------ with the deal I got on the book, it's like the inflation didn't exist. So I'm pretty happy about that.

OK --- a minor detail ----- my Mom bought the book, and I repaid with 20 loonies.


Something else happened yesterday.

My last post said my Mom apologized for something that happened when I was 16.

She said she's had issues with this kind of behaviour, although she didn't remember the specific incident I had brought up.

Well, something spiritual happened.

Maybe you could call it a mental health issue, but with my brother involved and hearing what he had to say ------ it could easily be spiritual at this point.

Basically, like two days after apologizing for a certain kind of behaviour-------

yesterday it, mildly, happened again.

And this time some spirit, or a mental health issue, took revenge.

That should be all I'm willing to say seeing as how this is a family thing, and maybe I shouldn't blab too much --------

But regarding the factors involved --------- my Mom just apologized for certain things a couple days ago, and then yesterday that kind of thing popped up again, and in a snap, it's like some ghost is taking issue with her over it.

Or maybe the treasure was cursed. Who knows.

Just weird stuff. That could easily fall in the mental health category. But seems like it might be spiritual.

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

My Mom Apologized

This is such a big thing to happen that I feel I might as well mention it on my blog ---- just to make sure it's recorded that it happened.

My brother told me that when I have a problem with someone, I should contact them directly about it, preferably in writing.

So::::: I had a long-standing issue from an incident with my mother from when I was 16 which I did not record in The Book of Finch.

Today I wrote down the issue and how it affected me.

I gave it to my Mom.

She read it.

Then she sat us all down in the living room and basically gave her apology and admitted that such behaviour is a shortcoming of hers. --- although she said she didn't remember the specific incident in question.

So:::: she's apologized. I accept that, and we hope we can move forward with our lives.

I'm just recording this on my blog as a reminder to myself that I did write to her about that incident and she did apologize for it.