So::: I bought a Bible. Not an LDS Bible --- but an actual plain old Bible, without all the footnotes.
With everything the LDS add to that book, the book looks like an insurmountable read.
With all those extras removed, the book looks much more reasonable.
I read the first 8 or 9 Chapters of Genesis ----- this time with a mind aware of greater scientific knowledge (typically from atheists), and realized Joseph Smith was quite wrong about the location of the Garden of Eden ------ but it was interesting.
I read the Book of Ecclesiastes. The book is pretty deep, and had much wisdom in it ------- but the part where it says "There is nothing new under the sun" may have been true back then, but it's obviously not true today.
There are also people on the Youtube who try to remind us to actually follow what Jesus Christ actually said.
I was thinking about selling all I have and giving it to the poor.
Yesterday I gave of my excess to a charity.
Then, today, I thought about it more and realized I haven't still given as much as that Widow who gave 100% ----- so then I gave 3x of what I gave yesterday.
I realize I still hadn't done all that I could to do what Jesus said ------- but then it dawned on me::::::::
Joseph Smith taught ideas like "forgive everything". He got killed in the end. I even tried following that rule ------- turns out he was probably crazy.
Same with Jesus. Jesus died in the end. He tells you to do something which I can now only see as being utterly insane.
Either the Bible wasn't fully truly written properly ----- or Jesus Christ was more or less insane.
My brother and I previously in our lives actually tried to follow Jesus as best we could ---- even at that time with much less to lose --------- and even then we were held as insane.
The Bible has some good ideas. The Church had some good ideas.
But, in the end, I can now see much of it as insanity.
I still believe in a God of some kind mind you, it's clear to me that there really is "something more" out there ---------
But Jesus Christ must've been suicidal ------- and he was kind of insane in that regard.
My sister and her husband recently tried to hold a garage sale.
They sold only like 3 or 4 items the whole time the sale was open.
In today's economy, we wouldn't be able to sell all we have if we wanted to.
I can see how my 1x and then 3x donations of yesterday and today will help someone though ---- and that is a good thing. But in literal terms, it's not enough to satisfy Jesus, according to a Bible which obviously can't be 100% true.
Maybe I can feel disappointed that I've failed to fully follow Jesus ------ but then again, maybe I should be grateful for realizing just how insane that whole thing is ----- and I've already spent enough time in Psychiatry.
In a sense, I did kind of follow Jesus in my life ----------- I took a great risk to try to tell a story of my witness ---------- and though selling all I have would mean people would be buying my book ------ the simple fact was, just like my Sister's garage sale, people weren't paying for what I was selling.
I tried to follow Jesus in the past in my life. Things did turn out well enough.
Do I have to keep doing that over and over and over again?
It does seem kind of insane. Just like the psychiatrists said.
I do still believe there is "something more" --------- Jesus Christ might be a good teacher for the suicidal -------- but it is kind of crazy.
Shortly after posting the above, I decided I would do something crazy::: I gave yet another 3x to charity.
So that's a total of 7x to charity.
That accounts for my daily food budget from now until I get my next disability payment from the government.
Which means my food eating will be scarcer.
But ----- I'm not down and out yet ------ I still have food storage I could use.
I gave most of the money in my bank account ------ but I think I'll still make it even if just because I haven't already sold my food storage.
But in all seriousness ----- giving my money away is one thing ------ but some of the items I'd sell are most likely irreplaceable ------ so why would I want to? Heck ---- then there's a huge chance that nobody would be buying.
If Jesus wasn't crazy, then maybe he was just a little unrealistic. Yeah. I don't know.
Maybe I"m just trying to justify myself.
Maybe I should just limit my Youtube watching.