Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Feeling Better?

Yesterday I said I was feeling down.

The feelings didn't improve until I said a prayer to God asking Him to help me feel better. (not the exact words of the prayer).


Anyway ----- it was a miracle ------ just simply by asking God to make me feel better: he made me feel better.


I've been feeling so much better ever since that prayer.


And yes ---- amazingly it was at the moment I asked to feel better that I started feeling better.


No drugs or anti-depressants needed.


Today's injection day: I still haven't gotten my injection yet: I'm on the lowest dosage of my medication in the cycle: I went from feeling down to feeling a lot better just by asking God for help to feel better.



Anyway ----- though I am FEELING better ------


In my mind, in my knowledge, I know and just remember ideas of how bad my life was. I still haven't escaped from the past. I need to forget.



There was a period of my life where I was pretty much miraculously forgetting the past and I enjoyed it very much --------



But for me to be truly happy, I suppose, I have to feel good, as well as just completely forget what I went through in my life.



And completely forgetting things in my life would not be a small thing::: it would be obvious that I'm disabled if I just forgot large portions or important events in my life.


But forgetting is how I'd be happy. Not just feeling happy, but mentally happy too ---- without having the garbage of the past cluttering the back of my mind.



Is it important to forget? In order to feel truly happy --- probably.


But what am I losing, what am I giving up by forgetting so much of my life? My sanity perhaps?


I would have to be considered disabled --- having lived such a life, forgotten big parts of it, and just live in bliss with no memories ----- I would be disabled at that point, like amnesia.



Maybe that's the way to go.



Could there, however, be anything said about remembering the bad -- acknowledging the effects -- and warning others about such behaviours? Maybe that would be good too ---- although it would be a difficult process to try to complete. Maybe I've already been doing it, maybe.



So:::: I feel better. Just asking God for help made me feel better.



I suppose, however, that such a solution might not always work.



why?



When I was initially diagnosed with schizophrenia ----- there was absolutely zero attempt by anyone to bless me back to mental health.



In fact, it's quite possible that the whole reason I became schizophrenic is because that's what certain people were going for.



If people were trying to drive me mad ----- and no one is attempting to bless me to get better -----


That might be a situation where God might not be so helpful, and the doctors might feel justified in putting me on medications.


Yeah--- my life just wasn't the greatest ---- I've mentioned that already.



But at least I can feel good now. Thank God.

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