Avril held a charity event:::: and this time I did not participate.
The easiest answer to give for why is that I recently got rid of my credit card, I spent a whole month not spending much besides food, and then this past month I went on a bit of a spending spree and will have only about $100 at the end.
Not to mention her t-shirt sizes are always too small for me.
And then there's also that her Fanclub seemed to hate me ever since the day I joined. Yeah ----- that's not very inspiring.
Anyway ------ when I saw Avril's new music video, uh, some of the things about it help me realize she may have been making references to me.
And then she released a note on Twitter ---- about dark people seeming like angels and letting go of all the toxic relationship she had and all the bad things people have done to her.
I think I have every idea where that might be coming from, ok, maybe not EVERY idea --- but some idea.
You see, like I said when I first joined her Fanclub ----- I was pretty much hated right off the bat ------ and yes, there were reasons why her Fanclub was actually pretty toxic I would say.
Also::::: At that time, my Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Satins Bishop had just been telling me that Avril pretty much can't be saved or receive salvation, pretty much just because she's a rock star -------
which is a pretty stupid and toxic thing to say.
With her reference to dark people seeming like angels and the toxic relationships she wants to let go of::::::
Could this have anything to do with me, personally?
I know my life had some very bad toxicity in it --- since I was very young ----- and I did tell Avril a bit about it. She may have gotten very disturbed by what I told her about my life ------ because I have to admit that some of the things I went through really should never have happened. But it happened over, and over, and over again. Which is .a real pity.
My own life was "steeped in negativity", as I say in a song I wrote and tried to share with Avril once.
And almost regardless of how bad it got in my life ------ I did try to be a good person.
Does this make me a dark person who seems like an angel? With all the toxicity in my own relationships and all that?
I realize I have to fear the possibility that despite my attempts or drive to be good-natured ---- with all the toxicity I've experienced in my own life I can't help but wonder if Avril is referring to me in any way.
But then again ------- her Fanclub did pretty much hate me ever since I joined and it never really got any better ------- so maybe she's making a reference to someone else or some other people --- who knows.
So with the fear that with all the bad things in my own life that went on ------- I just have to say that I have some of the deepest love and admiration for Avril Lavigne, she has helped me so much with the stuff she has done and I really appreciate her.
She had my gratitude for her work ----- she helped me figure out some things that I needed to know -------
And I'll end by saying that knowing how bad things were in my own life, with how much I love and respect Avril it would be too bad if I am considered one of those people she wants to "close the casket" on. Maybe I am, who knows, but I would hope we can work past the dark times.
I just love her so much, and I would hope she and I can be friends still -------- I just have some fear that all the bad stuff that was in my life might make her want to get rid of me. So yeah.
And though I could suspect that all that bad stuff in my own life experience is something she doesn't like about me --------
It's always possible that she's just referring to a toxic Fanclub (which it was) or the way my Bishop treated her.
Whatever she thinks about me, I just wish to express my deepest gratitude for what she's done in my life, and wish her the best. And I hope she and I can still be friends.