Wednesday, July 31, 2019

My Second Chance

About this time a year ago I desperately wanted to play my guitar at a certain family event.

Luckily, my family realized my playing wasn't up to snuff yet so they kept me at home --- which did actually make me pretty unhappy, but looking back I think they knew best.

This year a similar event happened. My guitar playing has gotten so much better. And I was set loose into the scene with my instrument.

I had a great time. My music was complimented. Yay.



In a recent post, I noted how my sister would never listen to me when we were kids, even if she was technically supposed to.

Well, at this event I noticed a lot of the young people just seemed to have an inability to follow instructions. Even if the adults made certain things perfectly clear:::: the kids would somehow end up just not obeying anyway.



When I was young, I eventually realized, probably long before so many other kids did ---- that following rules and instructions is very important. I did kind of in that sense at least mature faster than other children ------ so being a listener and a follower of instructions ---- plus putting in my effort ---- I was really good at school.



And I was just thinking about how as I got older in my childhood somehow my body seemed to physically degrade so I was actually physically and mentally incapable of following rules and instructions myself. And that's where my disability came from (in a very simple sense of stating it).



It seems most people in their young years have problems with instructions. I learned to follow instructions at a young age.


So yeah ---- it's just weird how over time I personally became physically and mentally incapable of doing as I was told -------- a big reason I became considered disabled.


Eventually, I did start to recover ------ but my life had to change in so many ways before I could come back to health.


Yeah weird. Not going in-depth any more on this post.



It's just great I was able to play my guitar at a family event ----- as well as just thoughts about being incapable of doing things properly.

Monday, July 29, 2019

A Wikipedia Page for me?

I was checking my email spam-box.

Someone is offering to create a listing for me on Wikipedia.

That is exciting news.



1) My Dad's not interested in this for me ---- that's a concern.

2) They said they'd do it at 70% off ----- but they didn't say how much any actual prices really were ----- and I personally am not really super rich or anything so it's really questionable of how affordable it would be.


Being on AiSH, Alberta's local disability program ---- even with the massive increases in past years, it still gets consumed quite quickly anyway.


I have doubts that the price will be around $10-$20CAD. Maybe it is --- but I have my doubts.


Yeah ----- I didn't really make any money from my ventures ------ who knows why -------- so I am limited financially.




Anyway ---- it's exciting that I'd be famous enough for Wikipedia.



It's just that my Dad's not interested, I didn't make any money --------- and how much longer I will continue to do anything is kind of in question.


My efforts in the future might be limited to this simple blog. I'm just not really concerned with publishing anything else anymore. No point in books. I'm not the greatest musician ever, so no point there either.


As for video games ------ there might be room for me there, but I'm not really a professional so it's kind of hard to know if I'm really at a level that they'd allow in online stores ----- as well as without OUYA I'd have to pay to publish and I really have to wonder if that's worth it.


And then there's the Church ------ My patriarchal blessing told me I'd be doing stuff with the church.

I drink coffee and tea now. I kind of feel the Church isn't really fully true.

I know the church has some good-ish ideas, but having grown up in it and having experienced the organization ----- I'm not sure I want to slap my name on that organization, because I could see flaws in the whole thing that I would want to fix ------- and though I would fix problems, the simple fact is that people have a tendency to not listen to me or care what I say ---- so there's no point.


Like::: growing up, while I was still a good member and I was doing my best ------- I could have been trying to help direct my own sister ----- but she really NEVER listened to me, even if she was supposed to. And then the church didn't care if she wasn't following directions.


How famous I'll remain is in question. I guess that's point 3.

Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Alternate Definitions I was taught

In a recent post, "I was over-joyed..." ------- I talk about how someone from the church finally explained to me an alternate definition of the word "forgive" which actually makes some sense. That post is now my new featured post.


I said in that post that the church would give multiple different answers about what forgiveness is.


I'll just share those here:::


In Sunday School, the teacher explained to us that forgiveness meant "Not getting angry".

Anger just wasn't allowed.

But ---- not very long after (all within my childhood) ----- My Mom absolutely lost her mind over how I was playing video games and my friend's mom lost her mind for me being a friend --------

and then these women didn't even receive the greater condemnation for their anger ------ so obviously something wasn't right with what I was taught.




Spencer W Kimball said in his book 'The Miracle of Forgiveness" that "Forgiveness is forgetting".

Also ---- this definition really doesn't make any sense.




On the LDS.org church website, they basically explain that forgiveness is to not blame.

There are reasons why this definition is highly impractical and doesn't work.





And finally -------- the one definition I can have some agreement with that came from some non-official blog --------- forgiveness is not to hold grudges.


Grudges are feelings of resentment.


Therefore forgiveness is to "not feel feelings of resentment".


And that actually makes some sense.






When I learned the "no anger" definition in Sunday School ---- that Sunday School teacher wanted to make sure we knew that forgiveness did NOT mean "no punishment".

Even though in the most logical biblical sense forgiveness meant "no punishment" --- our Sunday school teacher wanted to make sure that we knew that's actually wrong.

Didn't make any sense to me.

Then she tells us it means "no anger".

But experiences after that indicated forgiveness wasn't an anger issue either, because people were absolutely being very angry and they never faced repercussions for it.

What I learned in Sunday School just didn't make any sense.

Lightning or a Spectre?

I woke up at about 4am ---- there was a clatter of cans in the kitchen, likely the wind that got them.


I went back to bed shortly after.


as I lay in bed, probably at least several times I saw these flashes of bright white light.


There were no sounds of cars passing. At first, there were no sounds of thunder either.



Just flashes of bright white light in my bedroom.


I got up from bed and looked out the window ------- I saw the bright flash of white light again ---- it was appearing in the street in front of my house.



And then the thunders started sounding.



My phone's weather app reports it might start raining, but did not predict thundershowers.


I'm hearing plenty of thunder now ----- but it was the strangest thing ------ when I first saw the flashes of light ----- there was no thunder.



Anyway ----- seeing repeated flashes of light like that was kind of spooky, and the thunder didn't start until after I got up from bed ----- so yeah, that's weird.



It was like a bright white strobe light that someone would turn on for a second or two. That's what it was like.


It happened multiple times.


At first, there was no sound of thunder.


Spooky.


But now there's lots of thunder.

Monday, July 22, 2019

The Coffee Fairy Strikes Again

When I last saw my psychiatrist, I told her about the coffee fairy thing.

Being a psychiatrist, she was pretty sure it was my brother taking my K-Cups.

I couldn't help but agree that's the most reasonable explanation considering how weird it is that a ghost or angel would take coffee and even leave payment for it.

A few days ago I bought a new 30 pack, and I started to consume it.



I told my brother very clearly that he needs only 2 cups of caffeinated coffee per day maximum.



I've been, more or less, carefully keeping track of how much of this 30 pack I've been using.


I looked at how much I used yesterday and remembered.


This morning nothing seemed unusual, and I got myself another cup of coffee.


BUT ------- it was ONLY that nothing SEEMED unusual ----- the coffee fairy appeared to have rearranged my K-Cups in a way that made them only seem like nothing was taken.


Once I re-rearranged the K-Cups in the box (just by pushing the front-most K-Cup back, which it shouldn't have been pushable but was, (I already was pushing on them the day before) I realized that yet another K-Cup had been taken.


And this time the coffee fairy is trying to make it APPEAR like nothing has been taken.


All this after I know my brother has his own coffee, and I told him it's recommended to drink only 2 cups per day.



And where the missing K-Cup went --- I have no idea ----- my brother leaves his K-Cups sitting around the Keurig ---- my K-Cup that was taken disappeared entirely.



It's just the strangest thing.



Psychiatry is definitely not inclined to agree that it's a ghost or angel --------


but if it is my brother, I mean, that's just really confusing. Why would he do this?


It literally doesn't make any sense.


But the most sensible thing a psychiatric doctor thinks they could do is blame it on his illness.


Just the strangest thing.

Friday, July 19, 2019

Islands

My Mom and Dad went on a long car ride. She seemed to be feeling better when she got back.


While they were away, I looked at my email and saw a game store advertisement for a game called "Eagle Island".


Considering I wrote a book called "The Eagle's Sore", and my Bananatree games feature "Banana Island" ------ I figured this game might be interesting to take a look at ---- especially as it involves falconry with owls and I've had a long history of avian interest (since childhood).


The game is pretty well done. Of course, I'm the guy who liked PlayStation Classic ---- so just about anything would impress me ----- so this was especially impressive.


I tried and failed over and over and over again. But it was well done, and I can see how it's fun.


I played it with a Logitech controller plugged into my Mac ------- so I don't know about Mouse or Keyboard controls. It works with a real controller though.


And remembering Banana Island from my own video game ------


I decided to do a search for Banana Island, just to see what was out there.


Yes ---- there now is an official and real Banana Island. In Nigeria.


It's a man-made island. Part of a development project. I found it in Apple's Maps app.


You can look it up on Wikipedia ---- very interesting, and especially odd for me to see some of the things about the history.


With games and actual man-made islands going around ------ I can delusionally feel like I'm "somebody" ------ but I never made my money as far as I'm aware so it's just interesting, I guess, how I seem to have impacted the world, whilst at the same time seemingly having a complete dearth of sales.


They say people who work for Jesus don't work for money at the same time. Maybe that's what happened to me.

I Was Over-joyed. My Mom is not.

One of the biggest issues I've had in all my writings for pretty much ever was "What exactly does forgiveness mean to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints anyway?"

I was baptized 27 years ago. And not until YESTERDAY was the non-standard Church's definition of "Forgiveness" was defined in a way that made sense.

D&C 64 --- from the non-Standard Church's scriptures, explains we are required to forgive ALL men ---- but then in other places in the D&C the book explains we are still also required to punish all sins and crimes.


Standard Churches, or most people of the world as I've understood, define "forgiveness" as NOT PUNISHING a person for their offence or crime.


But the non-Standard Church wants all forgiveness and all punishment at the same time. Which didn't make any sense according to the Standard definition.


This had me confused for a very long time.


The non-Standard Church tried to explain the word ----- none of these explanations really made any sense, for all sorts of different reasons.


And to be sure ------ there were multiple different definitions and none of those definitions were exactly the same as each other ----- the one "true" church had a conflict of multiplicity in definitions of what that meant when they said that word.


Well, YESTERDAY I asked the question to a search engine, and the search engine took me to some Random non-Official Church Blog which was actually able to explain the word in a non-standard Church Context (I believe the blog was called "Why Mormonism?").


The definition of the word is "To NOT HOLD A GRUDGE".


This is the giant "aha!" moment for me where I finally understand what they mean by that word,


Where you can not hold a grudge against someone but still punish them for what they did at the same time.


Justice is meted out and you have a non-toxic ever after at the same time.


I was over-joyed. This explanation actually made sense. In the non-Standard Church context.


When my Mom got out of the temple yesterday, and we were driving her home - I couldn't help but chatter for a bit about how happy I was that I now finally understand what the church is talking about, in a way that actually makes some sense.




Well, today is the next morning.


My Mom is not in a good mood.


In fact, I heard her tell my father that she'll have to call someone from the Church to tell them that she will NOT be giving that talk this Sunday.


Not sure exactly what the problem is here, to me it is a mystery of how I finally have that word explained to me, I'm happy, and now my Mom is not happy.




Anyway ------- though in the non-Standard church's context the definition "To not hold a grudge" does make sense ---------



In the context of Jesus' suffering and crucifixion it still does NOT make sense.



Most Christians believe that Jesus was punished so we don't have to be punished ---- that's what forgiveness means to most Christians ---------



But yeah ----- it doesn't quite make sense to me the non_Standard Church's version where somehow Jesus suffered and died so the world would no longer hold grudges.


That doesn't quite make sense.



To be honest, I like the standard Christian version more ----- it makes more sense and is actually practical and useful in making the world a better place ------ the standard Christian way actually does something to make the world a better place.



So yeah ---- I had my "aha!" moment after 27 years where I now understand what the church means by that word,



but my Mom has grown grumpy as if something is now wrong.



Maybe there are some things I'll never understand.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

My Response to Avril Lavigne's Latest Charity, Video and Note

So:::

Avril held a charity event:::: and this time I did not participate.

The easiest answer to give for why is that I recently got rid of my credit card, I spent a whole month not spending much besides food, and then this past month I went on a bit of a spending spree and will have only about $100 at the end.

Not to mention her t-shirt sizes are always too small for me.

And then there's also that her Fanclub seemed to hate me ever since the day I joined. Yeah ----- that's not very inspiring.




Anyway ------ when I saw Avril's new music video, uh, some of the things about it help me realize she may have been making references to me.




And then she released a note on Twitter ---- about dark people seeming like angels and letting go of all the toxic relationship she had and all the bad things people have done to her.



I think I have every idea where that might be coming from, ok, maybe not EVERY idea --- but some idea.



You see, like I said when I first joined her Fanclub ----- I was pretty much hated right off the bat ------ and yes, there were reasons why her Fanclub was actually pretty toxic I would say.



Also::::: At that time, my Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Satins Bishop had just been telling me that Avril pretty much can't be saved or receive salvation, pretty much just because she's a rock star -------


which is a pretty stupid and toxic thing to say.






With her reference to dark people seeming like angels and the toxic relationships she wants to let go of::::::


Could this have anything to do with me, personally?


I know my life had some very bad toxicity in it --- since I was very young ----- and I did tell Avril a bit about it. She may have gotten very disturbed by what I told her about my life ------ because I have to admit that some of the things I went through really should never have happened. But it happened over, and over, and over again. Which is .a real pity.


My own life was "steeped in negativity", as I say in a song I wrote and tried to share with Avril once.


And almost regardless of how bad it got in my life ------ I did try to be a good person.


Does this make me a dark person who seems like an angel? With all the toxicity in my own relationships and all that?


I realize I have to fear the possibility that despite my attempts or drive to be good-natured ---- with all the toxicity I've experienced in my own life I can't help but wonder if Avril is referring to me in any way.


But then again ------- her Fanclub did pretty much hate me ever since I joined and it never really got any better ------- so maybe she's making a reference to someone else or some other people --- who knows.




So with the fear that with all the bad things in my own life that went on ------- I just have to say that I have some of the deepest love and admiration for Avril Lavigne, she has helped me so much with the stuff she has done and I really appreciate her.


She had my gratitude for her work ----- she helped me figure out some things that I needed to know -------


And I'll end by saying that knowing how bad things were in my own life, with how much I love and respect Avril it would be too bad if I am considered one of those people she wants to "close the casket" on. Maybe I am, who knows, but I would hope we can work past the dark times.


I just love her so much, and I would hope she and I can be friends still -------- I just have some fear that all the bad stuff that was in my life might make her want to get rid of me. So yeah.


And though I could suspect that all that bad stuff in my own life experience is something she doesn't like about me --------


It's always possible that she's just referring to a toxic Fanclub (which it was) or the way my Bishop treated her.


Whatever she thinks about me, I just wish to express my deepest gratitude for what she's done in my life, and wish her the best. And I hope she and I can still be friends.

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Some Explanation Found

Last night my Mom asked my brother if he really needs to use one mug for each cup of coffee he makes using the Keurig.

He DOES actually feel he needs to use one mug for each cup of coffee he makes.



SO::::


A few mornings ago when I found two mugs with two K-Cups beside each of them ------ looked like the strangest thing in the world to me ---------


But that, apparently, IS in fact how my brother drinks his coffee, and I'm sure he drinks a lot of coffee.


That explains one part of this story.


My brother does use one mug per serving of coffee he drinks ----- he doesn't reuse the mugs until the mugs have been through the wash.



That explains that then.



So::::: was I really encountering some kind of coffee fairy?



The simple truth is:::::: My brother's answers to some questions would indicate there is a coffee fairy -------


But I already know that my brother doesn't always tell the truth, due to his illness, so there's a huge possibility that regardless of what he says ----- it's actually just him, who knows why- taking my coffee and leaving me some money for it.


Angel: maybe ------ brother: more likely ---------


but that doesn't explain the voice that woke me up the other night. I don't know. There was a voice, and though I don't remember it fully as well as when I heard it ---- I'm sure there was a voice.



What about my chocolate bars and star wars playing cards then?


Maybe sometimes things just go missing ---- which explains the star wars playing cards --------



so those missing chocolate bars were either evidence that there really might be some spectre taking my supplies ------- and I actually don't feel right about accusing my brother each time ---- although with his illness he really might be that confused.



Ah ----- one more bit of evidence -------- I also have two other methods of making Coffee that do not involve K-Cups ----- they involve plain ground coffee -------


I had a large tin full of coffee which I eventually used up so much, almost completely ----- that I gave the tin to my father because he wanted it.


It's the strangest thing ----- after some time my Dad returned the tin to me ------- well, the tin apparently got partially reloaded. Somehow. No explanation.


The tin, when finished, had way less coffee in it ------ and then more coffee found its way in there and my Dad decided to return the tin.



So either my family really is playing some sort of game or trick on me ---------- or there is some magic.



There is no explanation of how a mostly empty tin got partially reloaded.


And that is another thing to mention for this storyline.

Friday, July 12, 2019

Heard a Voice Now

I woke up at about 4:20-4:25am.

I was woken up by hearing a voice.

The voice was male. The best analysis that I could make immediately after hearing it was that it MIGHT have sounded like a young version of my dead Grandfather.

I did wonder if I made the noise myself ---- but I didn't ---- my vocal cords were not feeling operational -------- if that makes any sense to you.



What did the voice say?


It wasn't even a whisper --- it was spoken loudly enough to more than wake me ---- it was a male voice, comparable to my dead Grandfather:


It said "OH". Or "O".


This was about 20 minutes ago.


Yeah ----- this NEVER happens. I was awoken by a voice.


I turned on my bedside light --- I could not see anyone.



Because of the way the voice sounded, I have some reason to suspect it was Grandpa --- and that he's now young again.


My Grandfather actually died last November I believe, shortly before Remembrance Day.


The day he died, I was in the bathroom at a store, when I started to faintly hear "The Last Post" play ------ nobody else reports having heard the song, maybe because I was just alone in the bathroom.


Anyway. Yeah.


I tried standing in the living room, having made some coffee, and saying "Hello? Hello Ghost?" ---- but there is no response --- I am not sure about how to go about doing stuff like this.





When I grew up in the church ---- the church made rumours of magical or spiritual happenings second nature. This kind of talk is what I grew up with.


I never went to the temple, but I hear a rumour that in the temple there are things they aren't supposed to talk about.


Anyway, despite being raised with stuff like this and how it became second nature --- it is just a little weird how the church put me into psychiatry with my beliefs in stuff like that. Just weird about the church yet again.


Not sure what else there is to say.  This morning I was awoken by a ghostly voice. Kind of like Grandpa.




Does this explain the coffee fairy? Just very interesting series of events.

Thursday, July 11, 2019

The Coffee Fairy

I woke up at a bit after 2am this morning.

I did have a cup of coffee.

After sitting around for a while, I realized it was still pretty early so I went back to lay down in bed.

While I was in bed, I could hear someone upstairs.

I eventually got out of bed again and went to have another cup of coffee.

It's the weirdest thing, but I suspect some of my K-Cups went missing again.

I DID hear someone walking around ----- and then I find my coffee supply diminished more than it probably should have been again.

So, I drank my coffee and waited for other members of the family to get up to ask them.

My brother finally got up a moment ago.

I asked him if he was up around that period of time.

He said he was probably awake, but not actually up.

He may have made a bathroom visit.

This does not sound like someone who has taken my coffee. No --- my brother is not the explanation if he is being truthful.




This now seems to be kind of like a Santa Claus thing ---- someone visits in the night to take coffee, and also leaves payments for coffee on the kitchen table during the night.


The coffee fairy. Huh.


This might seem fantastical ----- but I am actually telling truth from real reality.


My coffee among, other supplies, has a tendency, it seems to diminish faster than I consume it.


So --- yeah, this is just something interesting to mention on my blog.


The mystery of the Coffee Fairy.


Not sure what else to say. This has actually been going on for quite a while and I am only mentioning it just now.


The most recent payment during this story's timeline was $10. Usually, the payment is $20.


I guess I can live with that. It actually feels kind of good ---- to be able to actually sell something ----- considering all these years of distribution with nothing in return.

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

I'm serious --- something strange really is going on

I just came back home from a family errand my parents were doing.


Before we left, about 2 or 3 hours ago, I was calling back the dentist about an appointment the dentist office wanted to make for a teeth cleaning.


My dentist is a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He's always reminding me about the church whenever he talks to me.


Well, I made the phonecall --- they picked up ---- and very quickly the whole telephone call was just disconnected.


Is this a sign that a ghost not want me to be involved with church anymore? That dentist office is one of the last connections to the Church I have in my life besides my Mom and Sisters ----- so did a ghost just disconnect my phonecall to one of the last traces of the church in my life?


I mean ---- Phonecalls have pretty much never "just disconnected" my whole life -------


So while I'm having spooky experience with Angels buying Coffee ------ Phonecall with Church Dentist office gets disconnected.


Yeah ---- I can actually feel myself tear up about this --- I don't know why.


But that phonecall disconnection is absolute evidence, even proof, of something besides normal going on.

Just Interesting and Weird

So on Saturday afternoon to Sunday Morning, I was writing about how some of my Keurig Coffee Pods were obviously missing from a package ------


There were only two possible explanations::: Either my brother or some kind of Ghost or Angels.


My brother told me that his coffee pods also disappear faster than he drinks them.


And then by Sunday Morning, I find payment for the coffee on the Kitchen table.


So: either there's a ghost or angel that buys our coffee ------ or my brother is confused and tells me his coffee goes missing but then pays me for that for some reason. I don't know.


Then, by Tuesday, on a walk around the neighbourhood----- well, my brother was still asleep in his bedroom at that time, but I find a man who looks very much like my brother walk past and greet me.



Today the story gets a little weirder.


I woke up about 20 minutes ago. I was making a cup of coffee when I noticed something:::::


On the stove, by the coffee maker -------- there are two coffee mugs just sitting there. Each coffee mug has a K-Cup of decaf placed before it (2 coffee mugs and 2 unused K-Cups of decaf).


Why? I have no idea. This never happens. My parents don't drink coffee.


Either it really is some kind of ghost ---------


Or we can all feel very much wonderment about how confused my brother's thinking is.


Either this stuff about coffee missing and payment and strange arrangement of mugs and K-Cups is all due to a ghost ---------


Or my brother is engaging in really, really confusing behaviours where he takes my coffee even though he has his own ---- then he only just says his own coffee also goes missing ----- then he pays me overpriced values for all this coffee ------- and for no reason I could ever understand places two mugs on the stove with one K-Cup (unused K-Cup I should say) each sitting there.



It's possible that my brother IS actually a very confused individual ----- he has had problems for a very long time ---------



So now it's just weird that there was also that guy on the block who looks JUST LIKE my brother.


That guy maybe was some kind of doppelganger ---- or who knows if it was a ghost of some ancestor that my brother's appearance took after. It would even be weirder fi it was an actor.



Not a whole lot is making sense.


Either my brother is very, very confused and his double has appeared now -------


Or there's some kind of ghost or angel making very real interactions with us in our home.


My parents don't drink coffee. They don't explain any of this.


This has just gotten really strange. Either my brother either has deeply weird issues in his head --- which he might,


Or some kind of paranormal phenomena has been occurring.





It just doesn't make any sense why there are two coffee cups with 2 K-Cups sitting there like that.


It doesn't make any sense at all.




<><><><><><><><><><>



As for that movie I sensed a personal relation to when I read the synopsis ---- I learned more about the movie ----- and though the movie isn't really about me ------ it can be seen to be very relatable to my life experience even now. I still see some comparison.


There's my life ---- and The Number 23 is like a retelling of my life ------- and then this movie is like .a completely different way, seemingly, of telling parts of that story yet again, it seems like. Just strange to me. And this is only from what I understand of the basic premise of the movie as talked about in "preview videos" and the synopsis. I just see it as relatable.


This sort o thing has happened in my mind over and over and over again. Maybe I'm the one with the weird psychology now.



ALMOST 5 HOURS LATER::::::


My parents are finally up now. I talked to my Dad as he sat in his bed about my finding with the two coffee cups.


He says he himself also found this happening the other night.


He attributes it to my brother ---- my brother organizing his coffee drinking.


SO:::: To my Dad, this really might just be a really strange behaviour from my brother.


Why does one man, my brother, need two different coffee cups instead of just one? I have no idea.


Doesn't make sense ---- but this is apparently what I live with.


I DID say it's possible that my brother is just a very confused person. It doesn't really make any sense ---- but this is the truth of my reality.


On a side note, I could say that I'm just wasting my life because most members of my family haven't figured out "the way to be" yet ---- and I'm not allowed to teach them either it seems.



I myself have been attributed with mental illness, but I view myself as basically being lightyears ahead of my family ----- and that my family's problems just rub off on me because I'm around them all the time.



There are better "ways to be" ------- but I can't force my family to adopt those ways, so this is what I live with. And, yeah, I myself am considered mentally ill because of it.

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Relating to yet another movie synopsis

One of the big things behind my book The Book of Finch is that I felt my own personal life related so extremely well to the movie "The Number 23".

This has also kind of sort of happened with other texts, such as that Sci-Fi flick "Valerian".


Clues for why I relate to Valerian::::: I'm Kris Attfield. Chris Hadfield is an astronaut with a comparable name. An actress with name comparable to "Lavigne". Blue people living in tropical paradise relates to Blaine Bananatree -----stuff like that.


Anyway ----- I've only just seen the Poster for this movie and read the synopsis:::::


But I'm already seeing comparisons between it and myself.


Unfortunately, I will not say which movie this is or what is relatable necessarily about it ------


BECAUSE::::: it's obvious that one of the characters in the movie might be named after a character of at least some small importance in my own life::::: but I was warned long ago not to actually identify numerous people in my own work ----- so for the sake of maintaining one person's privacy, I won't be able to tell you about this new movie I feel comparisons to from the Synopsis alone.


The movie isn't really about me. But it could be seen to probably have been inspired by something about my life.



Why do I see things like this going on in my life?


Probably from my relationship with God. I made a deal with God when I was young, and God seems to be fulfilling his side of the deal as best He can ---- even if the Church I was raised in is completely oblivious.



There may be or probably are other factors involved besides "just God" ----- but I don't think I could possibly tell you about those factors, largely because I don't really know.


But one thing I can reveal is that Ancestry.com has told me about my famous relatives ---- many of them are distant cousins, and though this is just speculation, it's not necessarily impossible that some of my cousins MIGHT (or might not) be involved. You never really know. But this might be an explanation.


I mean, you really never know:::: one interesting fact about my family is my Grandparents and their kids knew Jim Carrey's family before he was famous if I remember the family lore properly.




I suppose you might view myself "making connections" and comparing myself to movies like The Number 23 or Valerian as some symptom of my Schizophrenia.


It's true, those two movies technically aren't really me ----- but they compare so completely well ----- and that's exactly what I learned to look for in English Class in High School.



Part of my personal problem in my own life is my Dad was never really any good at English classes and he's not aware of things like comparing and contrasting like I was trained to do in High School English.


To my Dad, who was never any good in English class, these comparisons I make are more likely things of mental illness.



UPDATE:::::


It's getting weirder now.


I this update MIGHT relate more to my previous blog post --- but I'll say it here.


As my parents and I were going for a walk just moments ago, we walked past this truck that was idling with no driver inside. The kind of truck that would be easy to steal I'm sure.


My Dad seemed to express the most confusion about this in his body language ---- but we just kept walking, left the truck alone.....


As I walked a short distance later, a man emerged from a gateway in a yard.


He looked VERY MUCH like my brother. Like a body double.


My brother had a hairstyle from years ago:::: this man's hair looked much like my brother's hair, the exact same color --- looked much like my brother. Most people DO NOT look like my brother.


Just the strangest thing.


I continued walking, and this man who looked like my brother, I heard him get into that truck and drive away.


Strange things. My brother was asleep that whole time too, in his bedroom.


This man was a little bit shorter than my brother.


I know what I saw, and yes, it's the strangest stuff. Weird but true.

Saturday, July 6, 2019

Unbelievable but seems likely

Over the years, sometimes my stuff just goes missing. Nobody ever knows where it goes.

Shortly before Lucasfilm was bought by Disney --- I had bought a deck of holographic Star Wars playing cards. They were really quite nice. But they disappeared shortly after I bought them.

I've lost two different sets of install discs for two different operating systems, although that sort of thing was a long time ago.

I've noticed that my bar fridge's supply of drinks also seems to disappear a lot quicker than I ever drink them.

I buy so much ---- and I'm pretty sure it disappears without me drinking that much.




I recently opened a new 30-pack of Keurig K-Cups of coffee. I only drank 2 or 3 of those K-Cups so far.


But I look at my supply in that box, and more than just 2 or 3 of the cups are missing. I'm 100% certain I've only drunk 2 or 3, but more than 2 or 3 are missing.


When I talk about it with my brother ---- he reports the same thing ------- nobody ever goes into his room, yet his supply of coffee in his room dwindles way faster than he's drinking it.


It's like there's a ghost that comes to our house and steals our coffee and stuff.


Also::: a month or two ago I bought a great supply of Chocolate bars. Half those chocolate bars disappeared way faster than they should have.


It really does seem like there's a ghost that comes along and steals our supplies.


I just thought I'd report that ---- especially now that I'm 100% certain I only drank 2 or 3 K-Cups but more than that are now missing.


I'm also kind of upset about losing those Star Wars playing cards. Playing Cards are easy to come by ---- but those playing cards are NOT easy to come by especially since Lucasfilm was bought by Disney and they were especially nice cards too. It's really too bad.




UPDATE: Payment Received:::::


I'm up at 4am, and just a moment ago I found a note on the table that said "For Coffee" with TEN Dollars with it ----- the payment for my coffee I suppose.


Just yesterday evening I watched one of my parents clean up all the used K-Cups sitting around the Keurig.


I've found probably 8 used K-Cups that my brother drunk in one night. Some are decaf, some are not -------- he drinks A LOT of coffee. Probably more caffeine than he should.


And either the "ghost" or my brother is paying me for my coffee now too.


If I ask my brother about the money ---- he will claim responsibility ----- which means if he drinks my coffee, he turfs the used K-Cup somewhere where I don't see it ---- unlike most coffee we drink where we just leaving the used cup sitting by the Keurig.


I don't know ------ it's a little weird ------- but for whatever reason, my brother decided to pay me for my coffee.


Personally, I would only charge $1 per K-Cup ------- he seems to voluntarily spend more than he has to ------- although maybe I'm not aware of all his drinking habits (he might have dived into my 80 pack of Decaf).

With all my supplies that have gone missing over time, maybe I shouldn't argue with his decision to pay me handsomely ----- it's actually very considerate of him.



I could go on about how I find unexpected loot in my house sometimes ---- and then my parents usually claim responsibility ----------


but I'll just say one day I found all the supplies needed for making Smores on the kitchen table ----- my Dad claimed he bought them ------- and then we didn't even eat them. We just put them away.


Bought supplies for smores and we didn't eat them? Weird.


Along with supplies just disappearing, sometimes it seems like supplies just appear in our house too ------ but, of course, my parents commonly claim responsibility for this.


I dunno ------Trade and barter have gotten confusing enough when I distribute at least a thousand products but make less than $20 on them.


Whatever inspired my brother to give me $10 for just a few K-Cups ---- I would say he's over-charging himself, but hey ----- it's really nice of him actually ----- especially considering all the times I didn't get paid in my actual business.




ADDITIONAL:::::

Just think about how strange that is:::: Some of my coffee disappears ----- I ask my brother --- he doesn't know where it went, and claims his own coffee supplies dwindle faster than he drinks.


and then during the night I find a payment for coffee on the kitchen table.


Um.

My brother doesn't claim to drink my coffee ---- he says his own coffee goes missing too ----- my parents don't drink coffee ------- we both notice this, have no idea where it's all going ---------


and then I find $10 on the kitchen table to pay for the coffee.


Really, really mysterious.


It might be that my brother is just really-really confused ----- that has happened before I think -------


But yeah, this doesn't make a lot of sense. It really does seem like there's some kind of ghost or angel that visits, takes our coffee, and leaves payment.


In the past, I've found payments of like $20 for coffee at times as well. I always assumed it was my brother ----- but can I really be certain? $20 would pay for a whole 30 pack ---- and yet not THAT much is taken. Hmmm. Weird.