Tuesday, June 11, 2019

So much generosity

People must just love me.

I've received so many messages telling me about the millions of dollars various people want to give me.

I've received emails that claim to be from Lottery winners who want to help.

I have an email that says the UN wants to send me money.

Just a moment ago I received an email that says the founder of Amazon wants to give me something.



This type of thing is happening over and over and over again -------- as per standard paranoia procedure ----- your paranoia tells you to not trust it -------- it's just spam. The same kinds of spam over and over again.



Another part of me wonders if the work I did will ever get a nice payoff.


But the fact remains::::: Receiving emails from people who want your personal information in exchange for promises of wealth --------- does this seem realistic?



This kind of message can really play with a person's hopes and dreams --------


but it also plays with my paranoia.



I'm sure if the UN or the head of Amazon wanted to give me money ----- they'd figure out a way of putting it directly into my bank account ----- and maybe send an email in tandem that explains what that's all about.



I once received an Interac e-transfer by email -------- but the person who sent it didn't say what it was for -------- and also, there was some reason to suspect it was a scam.



Who knows:::: Maybe it's a GOOD thing I'm a paranoid schizophrenic.


My book on business tells me it's the paranoid who survive. Yeah.

Monday, June 10, 2019

I'm noticing a pattern

Perhaps inspired by my last blog post, with how Youtube videos that actually explain useful information get demonetized ----- I have an observation to make about my life now.

As a child ---- My sister devalued me. No need for descriptions.

As a teen ---- my classmates devalued me. Again, no need for description.

As a young adult ---- the church devalued me.

As a working adult ----- society as a whole devalued me.


I think I'm noticing a pattern here.

There has pretty much been one force in my life that ever really gave me value::::


THE PROVINCE OF ALBERTA.


In the education system, the Province of Alberta gave me value.


As an adult, the Province of Alberta gave me disability value.


The pattern continues, however::::


At a national level, the provinces of BC and Quebec kind of try to devalue Alberta.


So::: I'm just noticing a life-long pattern here where people just never seem to think much of me. And it started in early childhood.



Where this extends from the last blog post is with these thoughts:::::

1) I was one of the top students in school for a very long time, I was one of the best.

2) I've written 3 books and 8 video games, all of which I tried to sell at basement bargain prices.

3) People wouldn't pay even the smallest price for anything I did.



If I was one of the best, and yet I'm not even worth 99cents at that high level --------


What does that then say about everyone else in society, essentially, people who are below my level?


I mean, if I couldn't make any money at basement bargain prices having been one of the best there was ------


Maybe that explains why so many youtube videos get demonetized --- regardless of how useful their information might be.


Just a thought.


If I'm pretty high quality yet I'm not worth even 99cents ---- then everyone below my level would be valued accordingly.



So yeah::::: something is just really messed up somewhere.

Thursday, June 6, 2019

Can't Take a Position for or against

I hear news from time to time that Google/Youtube is taking steps to police the internet ---- and though this is a good thing because the world may become a better place to live -----

Sometimes one really has to work out exactly what it is they should say on a topic.


I mean ---- I grew up as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints ------

But both my brother and I myself tried believing in that church so much that we both got put on psychiatric medications because of our belief in that church.

So::: If medications are used to treat a belief in the church ---- then what is wrong with the church?


Thing is::::: You can do some research, there are many things videos on Youtube will teach you ------


But I discovered that one video that went in depth in one aspect of Church doctrine got demonetized.



So::: We were raised from very young ages in this church ---- for a long time this church is pretty much all or most of what we know ---------


We find out we aren't really allowed to believe it because we are put on psychiatric meds for it -----


And then I find out that the church is such a touchy subject that people who try to educate you about just one set of issues in the church will be demonetarized in their video -------


So, my brother and I couldn't take a position for the church ------


And then I learn that this video, despite educating us about why the church is wrong ------ wasn't allowed to really discuss those issues?


yeah ---- it's confusing for me.


Local society decided I shouldn't be with the church ---- but the education about the problems ---- youtube had a problem with the education about the problems.


I know I can't take a position for the church without getting into trouble anymore -----


But taking a position against the church will maybe get me into trouble too for a few reasons.


It's kind of hard to know how to navigate the issues of educating people about the church on Youube ------


Our society made it clear to us they do not want us following the church ------


But somehow Youtube has taken some sort of position against educating people about the problems in the church -----



So:::: it's confusing.



Can't really take a position for or against.


And some of the relevant issues involved are big topics ------ things you'd think you'd want to know about.


Yeah -- just a little confusing.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Talking About Skills

I've had nothing to say for a while, but I guess I have something if even slightly interesting to mention now, so I figured I'd update my blog.

I saw my psychiatrist today.

I told the doctor about how I just learned to play the Jingle Bells tab (as opposed to the chords I was doing around Christmas time) and that I had uploaded a recording of me playing O Canada to Youtube.

The short of it is this::::

The doctor told me that playing the fretboard of the guitar, playing the tablature, is considered to be harder than playing Chords.

I thought that was interesting. Because once I figured out the fretboard, playing single notes on the guitar became much easier, and Rhythm guitar is harder for me.

I can understand that learning the fretboard might seem to be a daunting task to someone who doesn't play or is new to the instrument:

But trust me::: there's a way to figure it out, practise, and start memorizing positions.



So:::: either I'm recovering from my mental problems, which I may be, or I am a mentally ill man who somehow managed to pull off the harder of two tasks yet again.


As I said in The Book of Finch:::: here in Alberta, apparently if you think you have some kind of superhuman power that automatically puts you in the disabled section, legally.

Who knows. But that was something I learned in school. It didn't totally make sense, but that's just how it's legally defined.