Thursday, May 16, 2019

Psychological or Spiritual Effects of Accomplishment

So::: Today I sat down ---- looked at the sheet music for O Canada again ----- and then realized I had done something wrong when I had originally transcribed the tablature to letter music.

So I did that again.

Part way through the process ---- I DID find ONE error in the sheet music. In ONE spot the Tablature does not match the note music. I went with the note music. (Yes --- somewhere along the way I've picked up some level of how to read note music)



So::: I started practising, and learning, and repeating, and learning more.

I learned the whole thing.


I know how to play O Canada on Guitar now.


And after I finished playing the whole song through, something weird happened:::


One part of me was sick to my stomach, one part of me felt hilarity, and there was a partial loss of concentration.


Is this a psychological or a spiritual phenomenon? Is there a difference?

When I finally fully played through the whole national anthem from memory my body went in three directions ----- as if I was possessed by three ghosts who reacted in three different ways.


It's just so weird ------- I know there's a spiritual reality that's attached to the Law of Attraction that will have effects like this depending on how people treat you or how to treat people or how you treat yourself -------


but it's just so interesting to note how finally, for the first time in my life, having fully played through the National Anthem on an instrument I felt sick to my stomach, hilarity, and a partial loss of concentration. Weird.



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I had more thoughts on the topic of how messed up things were in my life, some of it I think I'll try not to say here because it might be a bit too negative about how bad it got -------


But it's interesting ------


if I rejected my sister's friend because she was friends with my sister ------

And my bishop rejected Avril because she's "too productive" -------

and the ballerina girl rejected me because of my family's mental health issues -------


It's looking like I'll never get married.


I was trying so, so hard all my life to do what I was supposed to. I really was. This can be illustrated with the fact that I received multiple awards and honours for being a or the top student.


But I didn't matter how hard I tried --- Just like Linkin Park's song "In The End" ----- I was trying so hard and accomplishing so much ---------


But simply because my sister didn't follow instructions and that basically drove me and my brother bonkers -------


We fail.


We had ONE member of our family who didn't actually seem to be even trying to do the right thing, and that screwed all of us up. Or at least me and my brother.


I really might never get married.


I tried so hard but received automatic failure anyways because my sister didn't listen to instruction and then drove us insane.



The definition of "forgive" appears to have changed over time in the church --- and they don't define it like everyone else.


The most recent definition of "forgive" was to "not blame".


So, therefore in the church, the worst sin you can now commit is to blame someone for their own actions.


Yup ----- in the eyes of the church, this might seem totally sinful to lay blame ------- but I highly suspect that my brother and I ended up failing in life because of our sister.  At the most basic-root-cause-level, she's probably the reason why.


Although, if the roots go even deeper ---- an even deeper reason why things failed was simply that the church did dick-all to correct the situation in our lives.


The whole reason I joined the church was to teach my sister how to behave.


The church failed horribly to do this. It's like they didn't even care. It was kind of like false advertising, bait and switch.


The simple fact that my Sister was found worthy and allowed to participate in temple ceremonies has been disturbing enough to my brother and myself that we pretty much just quit the church.


If my sister is the type of person they would find totally worthy and allowable in their temple --- then this church is NOT for us.




I will finally note that I talked a while back with my brother about the problems:::::


He and I both agreed that being Terrestrial was preferable to being eternally sealed in this family that had the problems it had.

He and I both experienced the issues, and though he and I were both willing to die for Jesus --- we also both rejected the concept of being eternally sealed to this family. My Sister was the main reason.


So Yeah. Something was just really messed up.



Since my sister was totally allowed in the temple and found worthy ------ we decided this church was not for us.


She eventually became a better person though. It took a very long time.

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