Monday, April 22, 2019

What to do

I'm sitting here in the early morning of Easter Monday, and I was just thinking about what I've tried to do with my life and how well it turned out.

To be honest, something is very very wrong.

1) I was a good student
---I was basically hated when I was a good student.

2) I tried or wanted to work for Jesus
---The church rejected me and told me I was crazy. Turned out it may have actually been the church that was crazy, but anyway, I was rejected from serving in the family religion.

3) I'm like Avril's Sk8er Boi --- being friends with the singer.
---Though my real life story is comparable to Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boi song, people everywhere had this complete inability to accept that I could be friends with her --- even her fanclub rejected me, more or less. I was basically the guy she claimed to be in love with ----- but no one was willing to accept that about me.

3) I tried working for money.
---People just didn't pay me ----- as well as my Mom and Sisters were entirely unsupportive and wouldn't even pray for God's help here.

The ONE THING I've been successful at is being considered disabled, going to see a psychiatrist ---- and just living on the government dole.

Everything else I've done so far has received pretty much no support from others.

The only thing I can think of actually trying to DO right now is maybe to learn more music and going busking in the streets.

The problem here is this::::

1) When performing for others, I can get insane stage fright.

2) I can easily lose my concentration.

So there's a chance I won't be any good at all for busking.

But it's something to think about.

It's just kind of weird how nobody supports pretty much anything I've been doing. No one cares about me.

All I can do is "be disabled" and collect limited amounts of free money.

I just don't understand.

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