I was thinking about the types of things that happened in my life.
Like for so many people I'm sure --- life is actually or can be pretty disturbing.
The history of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is disturbing enough on its own without my life's story adding to it.
But ---- the good news is, when I was younger I was far more of a basket case than I am now.
With some good treatment, I have managed to calm down my brain a bit --- enough that I give my Dad periods of respite so he doesn't have to listen to me talk about what's on my mind.
I recently figured out why I was having such problems with psychiatry itself: there isn't really exactly a proper diagnosis for my situation (in my opinion) in their manual of mental disorders.
I was having problems::: and my family and the church really wanted me to get help::: but I actually didn't fit into any category ----- the best they could do to "help" me was label me with schizophrenia because of how loopy the church is.
Just yesterday I was waiting for my disability payment to arrive.
It might have been because of the new government, but yesterday was the longest and latest I've ever had to wait for my payment to come.
I started to wonder if I had been kicked off the program and wouldn't be receiving anything.
Yeah ---- outright calling me schizophrenic wasn't quite the exact truth I don't think ----- but it's all I could get because the exact diagnosis for me didn't even exist ---- but I was having a severe problem.
I guess if you think the church is crazy, which it kind of is, then sure, I am schizophreic.
Anyway ----- I'm not as messed up as I used to be ---- but my mind thinks about things over and over again, and writing about it is the best way I can get it off my chest, especially since my family especially my Dad don't like hearing it. So I just write. I need an outlet.
I guess I've said enough now ----- this post was just to express my concerns about my own mental condition.