Wednesday, April 17, 2019

A Symptom of my Psyche

So:::: One of the big supposed symptoms of schizophrenia is noticing connections, or coincidences, or secret messages that are supposedly not there or not real.

For example::: the personal connection of what I feel is my relationship with Avril Lavigne was considered to be a likely symptom of schizophrenia.

She was basically singing about me, and I knew this because I knew my own life and how well it resembled her song ---- but nobody else noticed or cared or realized it.

This happened quite a bit for me.




And it happened again this evening.




I think one of the rules of my blog service provider is that I'm not allowed to just copy and repeat news stories from other sources.



But I will say that there was an item of information in the news on tv today that got me really thinking about myself.



The elements of the item of information were this::::


A trip to a British island.

A person whose name had some resemblance to my own name.

And another person's name which had a resemblance to a recent set of events in my life --- which I will explain.




So:::: Seeing this item of information on the news made me a bit hysterical or whatever for a little while ---- and of course my Mom was basically just telling me it's just a coincidence and its meaningless.



So::::


Here's what it means to me::::


I think the British Island being involved might simply be a reference to the fact that there's someone on Youtube I like watching from one of the smaller islands::: The Isle of Wight. It's just an interesting thing about me::: this person's videos help me fall asleep at night.



Of course, the item of information that resembled my own name is important as it's basically the identifier for ME.


The other name mentioned::: however::: I won't say exactly what the name was, but I'll say:::::


It was basically like a two-pronged reference to two currently occurring things in my life at the same time. Two birds with one stone if you will.


Like I said in a past post::: I received the guitar I ordered:::: and somehow the B String wasn't working ---- the B-String-Tuning-Machine was busted.


The other prong is that my sister got into Bee Keeping a while back, currently, she is in the process of getting a new Beehive.



So:::: No b-string ----- what about "no bee sting"? It's kind of a similar funny play on words.


There's also another element to this thought:::: No bees ------ No be es. Yeah. Religion can seemingly get highly corrupted with BS ----- so no b string, no bee sting, no bees, no be es.



Yes ----- it's just a big play on words going on in my mind, and it's all inspired by the elements of information in something I saw on the news --- which I can't itself talk about because I'm not supposed to copy and repeat other news sources if I remember the rules correctly.



My own personal news story here is that I'm having one of those schizophrenic moments again, where it's highly coincidental and even seems meaningful ------------ yeah.

Also::: if playing my new guitar is like playing a Bass Guitar without the B String ----- then there's also the element of how it's either an "ass" guitar, or it's an "ace" guitar ----- perhaps a reference to how I aced my Grade 9 Math Provincial Final exam or something. Who knows ---- at school I was considered an ace student for quite a while, I was one of the best.





I will now write a bit about how I might or might not blame myself for my new broken guitar:::::


How might I blame myself for the problem with my guitar????


I had just received a new guitar, I tried attaching my guitar strap to the new guitar, I guess it wasn't fastened entirely properly and I guess I did something wrong, there was a disconnect, and the guitar fell and hit the floor.


That's my confession. Combined with clumsy handling, I may also have just not properly fasted the guitar strap.


That's how I MIGHT blame myself -------



but there is a problem with this explanation.


The fact that it was the B-STRING-TUNING-MACHINE that got broken ---- and NOT any of the other tuning machines.


There's a logical problem here. I have to play detective I think, because really:::::

The B-String tuning machine is the tuning machine that sits on the right side of the guitar (facing the guitar standing up) and it's IN THE MIDDLE of the two other machines on that side of the guitar.


LIke, if me dropping my guitar damaged the MIDDLE tuning machine rather than a tuning machine ON THE CORNER ------ Something doesn't totally make sense here.


It doesn't seem likely, it doesn't seem logical, that the tuning machine that should not have hit the ground first was the one on that got damaged.


I mean, really, depending on how the guitar hit the floor ---- You'd really have to think that it would be a CORNER machine, either top corner or bottom corner --- that would have taken the damage -------



But somehow, by some unknown cause ------- the one in THE MIDDLE took the damage and the two corners are perfectly fine.


It just doesn't make sense. If me dropping my guitar just once from a mistake broke that tuning machine ---- why isn't one of the corners broken????


It's just REALLY UNLIKELY that my simple falling spell broke the middle machine without harming one of the corners.

It's just REALLY REALLY unlikely. It doesn't make sense.


If I had damaged this guitar by carelessly dropping it to the ground ------ the most likely damage would have been to a CORNER tuning machine.



Except it's the B Machine that's damaged. and the B Machine IS NOT on the corner.



It just doesn't fully ad up.



There is some possibility may be that some force of inertia might have jostled the B machine, and then when I tried to tune it then stripped and broke.  That's my other best thought about this.




Anyway, the point of this second part of this post is mostly just to say that if I did break my own guitar, my explanation is that I just didn't secure the strap properly and I handled my guitar a little stupidly.


An easy beginner's mistake.




I can feel dumb about it -------- but what makes me feel happy is that I was smart enough to buy the cheap guitar instead of a more expensive guitar -------


So that means breaking the guitar feels less bad, and if I do decide to repair it myself, I already have every idea that the new guitar plus repairs is still cheaper than the more expensive guitar would have been.


I basically saved myself some grief by buying the cheaper guitar ----- I'd feel worse if I had bought a more expensive guitar and broken that ------- I can feel better about breaking a cheaper guitar rather than the expensive one.


Every cloud has a silver lining, they say.




UPDATE::::::

I guess I might as well finally mention this, like I mentioned this on Facebook already:::

When I was shopping for replacement Tuning Machines, the "same model" tuning machines were referred to as "vintage".

I looked at the website's webpage for this guitar I bought::: Yes ---- this guitar is referred to as a "vintage" guitar.

There are two sorts of related camps on the internet about what a "vintage guitar" is.


One camp believes that the guitar comes from a High-Quality time of production. ----- this would be true about this guitar, it definitely does seem like a high-quality instrument.


The other camp believes that the guitar is probably an OLD guitar. And actually ---- considering the little imperfection such as the broken B-Tuner ------ this might very well be the case.



So it might just be that I bought an old, high-quality guitar that was sold for cheaper because it was expected it might have a problem. That makes sense.


But yeah ----- "vintage" does typically mean that it's higher quality (which is true in my case) and that it comes from an earlier date in history ------ which is also very likely true considering the broken part.


Because the broken part is a middle tuning machine and not on the corner, I feel pretty confident that this guitar arrived already-broken rather than me accidentally busting it myself.


If I had busted it myself, I would expect it would have been a corner that would have gotten broken. No broken corners.


It must just be an old guitar that arrived this way, I'm guessing. Now I don't feel so bad.

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