So::: on Monday I said I need to give my brain a rest.
On Tuesday, I felt the normal sensation of choking anxiety which I believe is empathic somehow of my visits to the psychiatric clinic.
On Wednesday, however, I felt normal again. The normal empathy I felt around psychiatric visits was not present. No empathic anxiety, no empathic depression, and my brain felt like it was also in a sort of 'snooze' mode,
Although I think there is still some "inspiration" or "telepathy" coming in, I felt different in my head, as if my brain really was resting, and I felt "normal" again. I hadn't felt quite that way for a long time.
So, on Wednesday, when I spoke to the Injections nurse, I told him I felt normal again.
Not much to say about this except this::::: in my conversation with the nurse, he expressed a sense of belief that I am actually a very wealthy man.
It was just a small comment, and I can understand how he'd think that after our visit 3 weeks ago:::
3 weeks ago I told him I had bought a new electric guitar and a new mac mini and a strange phone call about a 0% interest rate from a local business and this strange email I got that said I have some account somewhere ------
So, of course, we both, 3 weeks ago, viewed some of this information as "highly suspicious", although I am kind of wealthy anyway if I'm able to buy so many new toys so quickly.
Anyway ------ I gave an impression of wealth to the nurse 3 weeks ago, and some of the things I was getting in email and phonecalls didn't seem realistic to anyone ---------
But now for my theory:::::::
About a year ago, on two different occasions when I was at the ABM (bank machine) ---- after I made a withdrawal, the piece of paper from the printer showed a balance ---- and two times that balance was very similar ------- but it wasn't the balance shown in my online banking.
So:::: in about a one month period, a year ago, twice the bank machine seemed to make me aware of a balance that I was told about from no where else.
Either the bank was just being honest with me, it may have been some kind of admission, or else two times in a row the person directly before me in line keeps a crap tonne of money in their chequing.
Anyway ------ So, I remember an estimation of the number I saw both times -------
And I did approximate calculations:::::
If that value was the gross, and this year I'm living "after tax" ------- and since that account does pay interest --------- it's entirely possible that I actually pay for my own disability benefit from the interest I earn on my earnings from the books and the video games.
I might just be living on the interest from my actual account ---- you never know.
The only real clue that says this could be true is a) I was working for so long and I never got paid, and it just seems unrealistic that nobody to could afford my products and b) There were two ABM receipts that showed similar balances both times and what I said before.
Why would the bank not actually just show me the full balance all the time?
There are reasons fof why this could be!
There is a word I could use which describes what they might be doing, but I will avoid it for now -----
I'll just say it's possible that they don't actually have all that money available for my to withdraw. It might just be a number, but actual money at the bank might not be enough to pay for what they owe me.
That's the descriptive way of explaining it.
Maybe it was just decided that I should keep my old lifestyle and live off the interest, at least for a while.
Maybe it might even have something to do with "equalization" ---- maybe they didn't take my money completely away from me ----------- but I just live like I'm anybody else, more or less.
Do I really need to explain this on my blog? Maybe not ----- but I don't want to give the impression that I just view everyone has evil. There might be a good explanation that makes sense that might explain how reality is right now, while the rest of the world was actually still honest in their dealings.
I'm just thinking about why things are the way they are if the world was actually honest with me by actually paying me for my work.
I will also note that yesterday I started humming about my "retirement" ---- like, whether I'm a millionaire or just on benefits, whatever the case may be I don't really need to work [much] anymore. I just felt I could give myself a rest and I felt so retired now.
And yeah, my brain is still resting.
So:::: this is all a theory, with SOME evidence and SOME likelihood of being true.
But really, even if I am just on benefits still ------then it's so impossible to sell anything that it doesn't matter how hard I try ---- I should probably just "retire" anyway.