I was sitting chatting with my Mom about what my goals for life should be at this point when I realized something:
In school, one quote you'll probably inescapably hear is "Shoot for the moon --- even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".
I, being one of the top students, of course, was on a path in life that was like that.
When I was in elementary school, the teachers would ask what your plans for your future were, and for me, I would say I wanted to be a missionary and a teacher. These goals were mundane enough that I was able to get by with claiming this as a plan for my life.
But in Junior High School, sin crept into my life, and being honest about the supposed sin was difficult, so according to LDS Belief, in order to be forgiven of my sins, I had to work especially hard for Jesus.
Basically, I had a personal relationship with God, and plans for my future were becoming more and more extravagant --- such as an idea of making a million dollars and working as a lifetime servant of God.
But I could never go into full detail with ANYONE about what my plans for life were.
School would ask what my plans were, but I couldn't say anything. The best I could say on one occasion was "maybe I'll become a video game developer".
I think I remember once, however, that the teacher said whatever your parent is doing, you'll probably end up doing that do. Sadly, all I could say at that point was that my Dad was mostly unemployed, and perhaps my extravagant goals in life were helped driven by the fear of doing nothing with my life.
Whatever the case was:::: By the age of 13/14, the future I was looking towards was VERY BIG. VERY EXTRAVAGANT.
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".
Though I knew I could not reveal my plans to anyone, or mostly not reveal anything, somehow the Latter-Day Saint patriarch knew something of my personal agreement with God and outlined it in my patriarchal blessing.
There's a lot going against the Church these days, but it's interesting to note that the Patriarch knew things which no one should have known, things that were private between me and God.
Anyway::::: The short of it is this:::
Even though school tells us "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars" -----
it's very interesting how likely you are to be considered Grandiosely Delusional if you do that.
There is a whole history of things going wrong in my life ----- but I just think it's interesting that school encourages you to think big-------
I was thinking big, and then I got forced on drugs, and Grandiose Delusions was a part of the reasoning. Also;:: a belief in working miracles. Yes, I was thinking big.
But it's not a lie that I landed among the stars. I think I've gone completely off course a long time ago, but I did land among "the stars", nonetheless, it seems.
The chances of me fulfilling my original plans now seem hopelessly lost.
And it's also interesting to note how there's so much going against the church in so many ways ---- and yet somehow the patriarch knew things that I had only talked about with God. Very interesting.
The church is wrong in so many ways in the eyes of so many people, and though things went so personally wrong for me in that organization, it's also just plain true that the patriarch knew things and that the miracles appeared to be realistic.