Monday, December 10, 2018

Does School Actually Encourage Grandiose Delusions?

I was sitting chatting with my Mom about what my goals for life should be at this point when I realized something:

In school, one quote you'll probably inescapably hear is "Shoot for the moon --- even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".

I, being one of the top students, of course, was on a path in life that was like that.

When I was in elementary school, the teachers would ask what your plans for your future were, and for me, I would say I wanted to be a missionary and a teacher. These goals were mundane enough that I was able to get by with claiming this as a plan for my life.

But in Junior High School, sin crept into my life, and being honest about the supposed sin was difficult, so according to LDS Belief, in order to be forgiven of my sins, I had to work especially hard for Jesus.

Basically, I had a personal relationship with God, and plans for my future were becoming more and more extravagant --- such as an idea of making a million dollars and working as a lifetime servant of God.

But I could never go into full detail with ANYONE about what my plans for life were.

School would ask what my plans were, but I couldn't say anything. The best I could say on one occasion was "maybe I'll become a video game developer".

I think I remember once, however, that the teacher said whatever your parent is doing, you'll probably end up doing that do. Sadly, all I could say at that point was that my Dad was mostly unemployed, and perhaps my extravagant goals in life were helped driven by the fear of doing nothing with my life.

Whatever the case was:::: By the age of 13/14, the future I was looking towards was VERY BIG. VERY EXTRAVAGANT.

"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".

Though I knew I could not reveal my plans to anyone, or mostly not reveal anything, somehow the Latter-Day Saint patriarch knew something of my personal agreement with God and outlined it in my patriarchal blessing.

There's a lot going against the Church these days, but it's interesting to note that the Patriarch knew things which no one should have known, things that were private between me and God.

Anyway::::: The short of it is this:::

Even though school tells us "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars" -----

it's very interesting how likely you are to be considered Grandiosely Delusional if you do that.

There is a whole history of things going wrong in my life ----- but I just think it's interesting that school encourages you to think big-------

I was thinking big, and then I got forced on drugs, and Grandiose Delusions was a part of the reasoning. Also;:: a belief in working miracles. Yes, I was thinking big.

But it's not a lie that I landed among the stars.  I think I've gone completely off course a long time ago, but I did land among "the stars", nonetheless, it seems.

The chances of me fulfilling my original plans now seem hopelessly lost.

And it's also interesting to note how there's so much going against the church in so many ways ---- and yet somehow the patriarch knew things that I had only talked about with God. Very interesting.

The church is wrong in so many ways in the eyes of so many people, and though things went so personally wrong for me in that organization, it's also just plain true that the patriarch knew things and that the miracles appeared to be realistic.

Saturday, December 8, 2018

Avril Lavigne's Album Reveal

I looked at my IPad a moment ago.

There was a notification from Twitter that Avril Lavigne had published a video.

I looked at the video. It was a quick reveal of the tracks in her new upcoming album.

The first track: "Head Above Water" --- we already know that one.

The second: "Birdie" --------- If history is any indication, I might find this song very interesting, as Avril's songs appear to often heavily relate to me, even if only through mentalism, and well, I call myself Finch so yeah.

The third: "I Fell in Love with the Devil" --------- The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints expressed their lack of desire to be friends with Avril ------- Avril is now responding to them kindly. What I mean is, I, and numerous other people, have often suspected that the LDS Church is actually a Satanic religion, and as such Avril is expressing kindness to them, despite the fact they rejected her. Interesting.

On the flipside, it could be said, if the church really was the truth, that God rejected Avril through my Bishop, and now Avril has befriended the adversary, which is the story the LDS Church is more likely to agree with, at least on the surface.

yes ----- it's very confusing ------- but by definition what Christianity calls God/God and Devil/Devil the Latter-Day Saints have it as God/Devil and Devil/God. I hope that explains it.

I haven't actually heard these 2nd and 3rd songs yet, but just from the titles, they sound relevant.

Anyway ---- I just thought I'd mention this ---- especially to explain how Avril being in Love with the Devil might be interpreted and then also how confusing the concept can be.

Friday, December 7, 2018

An Example of Holiday Generosity

Today I visited a local restaurant where I get food on the odd occasion.

I bought a $9.50 food item and a $1.00 drink --- GST included in the prices.

So:::: under normal circumstances, my bill would have been $10.50.

But, this restaurant's owner is usually generous::: he often cuts 50 cents off the price on a regular basis.

But when I handed him a $20 bill to pay today, I was surprised to see him hand me back a $10 bill AND a loonie.

My $10.50 meal cost $9.00.

I was thinking about leaving the loonie on his counter as a tip or something, but he seemed to insist that I take it.

Anyway ----- Though I kind of wonder if I really should have left him the loonie, I feel grateful for this restaurant owner's common generosity in commonly reducing the price of his food a bit. He has every right to charge less than advertised, I guess.

I guess this is just me writing a "feel good" story on this blog. Normally, he would just give $10 in change, that would be his normal practice---- but this time he was especially generous with an extra loonie.  So that was just especially nice.

Just a feel-good story to update my blog with I guess.

Saturday, December 1, 2018

Work Update

I woke up early this morning, and thoughts of wondering how I'm going to have my games available on a future system were heavy on my mind.

I heard my disability payment is likely to see a bit of an increase soon, but even with that help on the budget I set, it's going to take probably at least 3 months to save up even just for the cheap new mac mini.

I then realized that I could try using my new refurbished 1.4ghz mac mini with 4gb of RAM as my development machine for Unity 2018.2.

So I installed Unity 2018.2 on that machine.

It's very slow.

And it just becomes a pain when I found out my PS3 controller wasn't being found by the development build of my game.

I thought the problem might be that maybe PS3 was maybe deprecated or something. I decided to go out and buy 2 new PC Game Controllers.

Yes ---- though debt isn't a big problem for me and in a kind of recent post I said I was out of debt ---- well, with all the clothes shopping and these controllers and some Christmas chocolates ----- I am back in a little bit of debt again.

Anyway ------ I tried out the new controllers.

My 1.4ghz Mac Mini could definitely detect and use the controller according to a 3rd party driver I downloaded. But the Unity 2018 build of Air Defence wasn't liking it.

I put one of the new controllers on my old 2012 Mac Mini where I have Unity 4 installed with a Unity 4 version of Air Defence. After a reboot, the new controller worked fine even without special drivers in that version of the game.

I then decided to try again on 2018 Air Defence on the 1.4ghz and found it really was not working. It would really only detect the Left Stick movement.

So, I transferred the App of 2018 Air Defence to my 2012 Mac Mini.

2018 on the 2012 still didn't like the new controller.

So, I booted up Unity 4 Air Defence, set the controls with the new controller --- Saved and Quit --- started up the 2018 version on the same computer and found the controls were, in fact, working.

So:::: The control configurator in the opening window before the game starts of Unity just would not detect anything I tried from a controller on either computer ---- but with the right prefs saved for the game in the Unity 4 version, the Unity 2018 version was all of the sudden able to use the buttons commanded.

I guess I got that far. Hopefully, they'll fix it someday. There's apparently a Unity Asset Store plugin available for $45 that's supposed to fix these issues, but that's a bit expensive for me right now.


My Family is going to be having some fun for Christmas. I decided that in order to get the kids' help in cleaning up and maybe for prizes or whatever --- that I would have some play money bought from a dollar store to pay the children for their help. And when the fun is over, I'll let them redeem their play money for prizes.

This is in no way important to mention on my blog --- except for one interesting bit of somewhat relevant information::::

$1000 of play money has gone missing. Gone. Like it was stolen. My parents are absolutely certain that no one was touching my stuff.

That means either I can't trust my parents, or whatever force that might've switched out that book or left that note might still be around.

$1000 of play money accounted for about 13% of the total funds I had, in play money.

Anyway ---- it's just so weird to discover it went missing. Either I can't fully trust my family (which isn't a big stretch of the imagination) or who knows.