I've been thinking of lots to say recently, and although I really have nothing specifically important to say, I've got things in my mind which I feel might be good to talk about.
Growing up, the church had all kinds of "do's" and "don'ts" rules.
Don't do that. Don't do this. Don't do that other thing.
And yet for some reason, I know from experience that even though it was clear in my mind that I wasn't supposed to do certain things, somehow, for some reason, who knows why, I felt like I was absolutely driven, even against my will, to do things which I wasn't supposed to do.
If anything can be called "satanic possession" ---- maybe it's those times when you know you're not supposed to, but you can't stop yourself from doing it anyway. I had enough of that when I was a kid ---- I knew intellectually it was a no-no, and yet I felt driven against my will to sin.
Was it biology? was it "satanic possession"? Or was it the Law of Attraction obeying someone else's desires and I had no choice but to obey a contrary thought?
To be honest ------ I was considered a smart kid. For numerous years running, I was considered one of the smartest kids in the school I attended.
And though I was one of the most brilliant, somehow, looking back, I feel I severely embarrassed myself with some of the really, really dumb things I did.
I may have been considered one of the best or one of the smartest ------ but I was not immune to making really dumb decisions.
The good news is this::::: though we may seriously, seriously screw up in various ways in our lives, we can call upon God to take away our sins and grant us forgiveness.
The other day I was feeling so bad about the stupid things I've done, and I just prayed to God asking him for forgiveness and to take away my sins ------ and I felt so much better very quickly, I felt I had found absolution. It was a very clear feelings thing ---- going from feeling bad to feeling good and clean and happy again.
So the good news is it's possible to find some kind of redemption.
On a side note::::: Even though finding redemption is really something that's just between me and God, looking back I also notice how messed up it is that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints tries to bring their bishops and priesthood holders into the mix as if you need a human being to validate God's forgiveness rather than just get it from God yourself.
Although here's the thing:::: According to the Miracle of Forgiveness, the Bishop cannot actually forgive you on behalf of Jesus ---- bishops only forgive on behalf of the church. Getting forgiveness from Jesus is another thing entirely according to that book.
And finally, I will say it would have been nice if I had seen great financial success from my work----- but though people typically didn't pay me for my efforts, I feel like I accomplished so much doing what I did for the past so many years.
I had all kinds of thoughts on things I could say about this::: but I think it's enough to say right now that I learned so much from my efforts.
Though I did not profit financially, I learned so much, so I kind of feel like it's MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Hah. :)
These last few paragraphs are mostly to explain why I don't advertise anymore::: I'd be spending all that money on advertising and no one would actualy pay me ---- and now I feel whole, I feel complete, having gotten my messages out there, and having learned what I learned. I'm sure there's lots I could say abou what I learned, but I don't feel like it right now.