I had an idea this evening.
What if I did a Google Search for my name ---- except this time my name with a different email address server attached to it?
Yeah - I did. Not my actual email address though.
There wasn't much information.
Some of the things you'd expect in a search for me, such as a page from this website.
Someone apparently made a project called "The Eagle's Rook and the Pirate Games" and my name got mentioned somehow on the page.
And then there was the absolute PLETHORA of Avril Lavigne photos or pictures.
Like::: Someone set up TWO Pinterest pages basically all about Avril Lavigne ---- and somehow my name was connected, even if I couldn't find it on the page.
So yeah. I don't collect tonnes of pictures of Avril personally.
So:::: How did that happen? Someone knew of her and I and somehow a google search for "fake me" results heavily in her. Huh
One of the biggest initial reasons I wrote The Book of Finch was so I could raise money to basically be a closer friend to her.
It is basically impossible for me to get married on AiSH Disability Benefits alone. especially when I wrote The Book of Finch.
So:::::::: all these years later, I'm finally out of debt, have a little savings---------- but not nearly enough to buy a car and learn to drive. Not enough for a plane ticket. Maybe enough for a concert ticket.
So:: yeah::: it seemed logical that if I was going to date Avril that I'd need to be as financially free as she is --- because for the previous years nobody wanted a guy like me to be close to her --- so maybe a similar economic status might help.
Unfortunately, I spent years paying off the debt I accrued from publishing and advertising ----- and people just didn't pay me.
SO:::: I just spent years trying to raise money to pursue a relationship with someone who apparently seemed to want me ----------
Only to find that people were unable or unwilling to pay me for my products.
So I spent years just surviving, and paying off debt.
It's been 8 years since The Book of Finch.
I'm pretty sure the book has had pretty decent distribution.
And yet most or all of that distribution seems to have been maybe piracy because I don't get paid.
I try to explain the lack of funding I receive ------ but in the end, I just didn't make the money I needed.
I try to speculate on what happened to whatever I should have earned.
My favorite answer is maybe my earnings were diverted to The Alberta Government, or maybe the Avril Lavigne Foundation somehow acquired what I earned.
There's always the possibility that no one would pay ----- regardless of how I try to make my reality seem like everyone would do the right thing ------ it's possible that people don't have money. I realize that too. (but to have an internet connection and no money? Huh).
Whoever created these Pinterest pages:::: It's obviously no secret my involvement with Avril.
And yet very few people paid me for my work. So I can't raise the money I need to learn to drive or buy a car or just be in an economically similar situation as her.
Anyway ---- by the year 2010 it was looking like I might have actually had some chance of actually being with her ----- except I didn't have the cash to actually do anything.
hence writing books and trying to do things to make money.
And then nobody paid.
On a side note, I realize some of the information in The Book of Finch might come as a complete shock to some people, especially really naive Latter Day Saints.
Well:::: Today YOUTUBE showed me a video to explain the Biblical version of the Doctrine that explains a same or similar topic I discuss in my book.
That doctrine, though mentioned right there in The Book of Mormon and even The Bible ----- may have been completely hidden from all the Latter Day Saints I knew for as long as I was there.
And then my book. And the shock.
But it was always right there, in The Book of Mormon and The Bible ----- it might seem like a complete shock that this is the truth, but hey I was only reading the scripture for myself and living my life.
And I realize that no one else at church seemed to realize the doctrine. They all seemed to believe the opposite of the actual doctrine for some reason.
Anyway:::: I realize it may seem like a complete shock what I said in my book on a certain topic, but that was all 100% Book of Mormon based----- and now I've found the exact same information is in the Book of Hosea according to Youtube.
So, don't sweat it, that's just the way things are. And I know::: I'm apparently wrong to take a position for or against either. Just live with it.