Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Looking Back and Wondering ???


Today I received a phonecall ---- I hate telephone calls ----- and the subject of the call fits pretty good into the world of scams, so I blocked the number.

Emotionally::: I sensed some pretty good clean emotions for a while, but just a moment ago I sensed emotional pain ------ so I have to wonder if I just blocked something that was actually legitimate. Again, I apologize for not being so business savvy.

Looking back, here's a list of things that have happened in the past while:

1) Received email inviting me to publish in new upcoming game store ULTRA.

2) Money appears in one of my accounts, and then disappears.

3) Scotia iTrade have a banana statue image on their front page.

4) I found a note in my bedroom about "a person" ---- no details on what to do about that though.

5) My copy of The Miracle of Forgiveness book was either switched out by a stealthy person or the words on the page magically just changed.

6) There's today's phonecall from a supposed investment company.

Am I forgetting something? I've also been cleaning up my personal living and work areas. And playing more games with my family. And I'm getting better at playing Jingle Bells on guitar.

Oh --- and there was a family incident, which shall remain private ---- but yes this incident also borders on the paranormal in a way.

Well, it definitely looks like something could really be going on and it might be good and important ---- so I'm sorry for hurting the feelings if they were actually legitimate.

I just hate telephones.

I have no problem receiving email. I can even chat on Facebook if you talk to me on Facebook.

You could probably even leave a comment on this blog.

But a mysterious telephone call that sounds like it borders on scammy? Not much interested.

So:::: I might just not be very business savvy. Maybe there really is something important going on --- and I may have hurt feelings by blocking a phone number. I just have to be really careful. And I don't like telephones very much.

I'm sure there's all kinds of things I could do with my life, with my abilities and talents ---- but part of my problem is that I'm not very social. It's hard for me to want to talk to people. I can talk to people in my little social circle fine. But I just have some kind of psychological problem where talking to the strangers on the phone doesn't interest me.

But --- if you send an email, leave a comment on this blog --- or if you contact me on Facebook or maybe even Twitter ----- then I will probably be more interested in seeing what you say.

Of course, I did recently get contacted on Twitter ----- but again, that just looked pretty scammy.

So:: this blog post is looking back, seeing that there's been a bunch of interesting action in recent time, and wondering if it is actually for real.

Also letting you guys know that I really just do not like the telephone. There's too much crap that goes around. I am very suspicious.

I could probably even handle contact on Twitter ----- but the one tweet someone sent me recently didn't look legitimate.

Received a Phonecall

A little while ago my Dad reported to me that some investment company was calling on the phone for me.

Whether they want my money or want to give me money, I already have every idea that I'm not interested in talking.

Besides which --- I looked their number up online and the information I found said they were a scam.

From 34 years of life, I've learned that I cannot trust kids at school, that I cannot trust my church, that I can't even necessarily trust my own family, and that healthcare also has problems sometimes -----

and when I try to sell a product, turns out I can't trust the vast majority of society to actually pay me either.

In fact, I'm just so leary of people in general, that I'm really not interested in talking to really anyone outside of my pre-existing social circles. In this sense --- yes I am disabled --- but it's a protection I have to put up because of how badly I'd get repeatedly burned in the past.

So::: when I already know I'm probably not interested, and I have some idea that very few people really are trustworthy, and then I look up the number online and the information says this phone number is a scam who shouldn't be talked to----

Yeah, I'm going to BLOCK that number.

I'm not interested in being owned by anyone. if you want to see me succeed in my business --- then try actually paying for my products or donating bitcoin to my bitcoin address. It's not hard. And no --- I'm not for sale.

And if you think I have a lot to offer as an investor, then you really haven't been reading my blog.

Look, I don't need any great deal of investment or anything, I can live my life fine the way it is ----- if you want to kickstart me or support my business, I've already stated where you can go.

I'm not for sale. I'm not even a corporation.

Sunday, November 18, 2018

I found a note

In the long tradition of things magically going missing, things magically being there that we didn't know where they came from ---- and so on and so forth,

I was cleaning my bedroom some more today ---- and I found a note.

I have absolutely no idea where this came from or why it was in my bedroom.

I do not know who's writing it is. I do not have a pad of paper in my bedroom for this kind of paper. But this paper and this writing somehow happens to be here.

The note has a name on it, I don't know the person, it has a profession, it has what looks like a medical condition, and it has a length of time on it.

So:::: why is this in my room and what am I supposed to do about it?

Am I supposed to somehow pray or use magical energies of some kind to help this person or something?

Don't tell me I'm actually supposed to track this person down ---- that wouldn't make sense and is probably not really legal.

I don't know. It's a note from who knows where written by who knows who about something I have no idea about. And it just happened to be in my bedroom. Huh.


Before I turned on my Mac Mini to write this blog post, I thought of a calculation I wanted to do. I figured my Apple IIc was the best place to do the work.

I actually found that I could do calculations in the millions. Much bigger numbers than 16-bit numbers. Very interesting and very cool --- although there's probably an explanation for that.

I think Apple II is so awesome I kind of wish the product would be brought back for modern mass consumption again ---- although I'm not sure if people would actually be interested anymore considering all the stuff we have now.

It's just this::: Macs and PCs are good and fine, but for some use cases, all you really need is an Apple II. I'm sure a TI-Graphing Calculator might make sense as a replacement for Apple II ---- but sometimes just want to have that full-sized keyboard instead of a handheld device. And a bigger screen.


So, considering how I'm finding pretty much "plentiful" amounts of clothing my size in the store now ---- I'm planning on buying more clothing, hanging it up on my wardrobe ---- and now that I'm stocked with clothing my size I'll now be able to take more of my older smaller clothing to the thrift store now. Not really important to mention, but I want to say it because this aspect of life is exciting to me.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

I'm Feeling Very Lucky

In my last post, I said there was a giant banana statue in a promotional picture in an email from my brokerage.

I will now say that if you go to www.scotiaitrade.com that they have the promotion with the image on their front page ---- a big yellow banana right there, with the two children playing.


Oh ----- and they let me know what kind of money you need to take advantage of their promotion:: anywhere between $10,000 and $1,000,000 is required. For the brokerage promotion with the big banana statue. Too rich for me.

I think it was on Monday I felt an urgent need to go to the mall as soon as possible, withdraw all the money from my savings account, and invest it in the Bitcoin ATM.

I felt so uncomfortable waiting for my Dad to start his day --- because I do not drive and I would need his help to get to the destination.

I told my Dad "I don't know if it's a prompting from the Holy Ghost or what --- but do you know how it feels to feel an urgent need to go somewhere but my driver is taking 5 hours to get his day started?"

Anyway --- my Dad got dressed faster ------- he intended on getting an oil change anyway ------- we got there. The oil change company was full that day ----- no hope for my Dad to get that service done.

I walked into another part of the mall and withdrew all my savings.  Then, I went to the bitcoin ATM.

The ATM could not connect with the server it used.

So ----- I had all this money in my wallet, and one of the big reasons the economic system of the beast should be avoided was the reason I was unable to do the transaction I intended.

So:::: I was out of luck ----- I felt a huge urge to get that day started, and neither goal was completed ----- and I thought it was maybe the Holy Ghost talking to me! What gives?

Well, all I accomplished was to empty my savings so I couldn't earn any more interest on that account.

Anyway --- the next day my Dad and I went to a different mall. This time he was able to get his oil changed quickly.

While the oil was being changed, I went shopping in a store, looking for items of interest to me.

Anyway ---- the amazing thing is this:::: I FOUND A JACKET THAT ACTUALLY FITS ME!

For years, ever since I was in my teens, I have NEVER REALLY been able to find clothes my size in retail stores.

There was never any point for me to go shopping because retail stores NEVER had anything that would fit me!  And this was since my childhood! I've been going over 14 years not being able to shop retail because usually there's nothing that fits me.

I figured I had to always buy clothes online for the longest time ---- and even then it would be trial and error, to find out what really fits me.

Anyway ----- the short of it is I actually found a jacket that actually fits me. And it was a good price too.

So today I decided to go shopping again ---- and lo and behold I found two shirts and another jacket that ACTUALLY FIT ME!

I mean! Wow!! THIS NEVER HAPPENS. I had just taken a pile of money out of the bank, and now that I've gone exploring some stores ---- I'm finding clothes that are actually pretty much FOR ME!

Anyway ---- so at first it was unclear why I felt such an urgent need to go to the mall, because we didn't accomplish anything except withdraw a whole bunch of cash --------

and in the following days I found there were actually items in the stores that I could actually spend my money on!

Anyway ----- and there's one more story.

For quite a while I've been mentioning this Law of Attraction concept where you are supposed to imagine checks coming in the mail rather than bills --- this is supposed to attract money.

Well, I woke up this morning, I checked my accounts on my iPad ------ and I found a bonus $360 in one of my accounts that came from I-don't-know-where.

This is the stort of thing I remember hearing about years ago on Christian television where they'd tell people to order some holy water and money will start magically appearing.

I didn't order any holy water, but yeah, I was surprised to see unexpected money in one of my accounts.

I was thinking::: If this is not a bank error (though I didn't know from where the money came) ---- then with this money, plus with my credit card, and money marked for savings next month --- I should be able to buy a new mac mini with pretty decent specifications.

But, as is to be expected when money shows up in an account and you don't know why, later in the day when I checked the same account::: the money vanished ----- nothing there anymore ----- it must've been a bank error.

Anyway ------ I'm just having lots to feel good about now.

It is really quite beautiful for me to now start finding clothes that fit me in retail stores.

And lastly, I was able to clean up one of my desks a lot ---- so now the space in our home looks a lot nicer. I threw out old paper receipts and junk --- I decluttered. So that's also nice but only worth a footnote worth of mentioning.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

The Games We Play

The thing that really sparked me to write this blog post is this:

I just got an email for a special offer from my brokerage. This is normal enough for this service to do ---- except in the promotional picture they included with the email, well, there's a picture of two children playing with each other ----- and for "absolutely no" reason there's a big giant either digital or lego BANANA between the two children.

Oh, I am so proud of myself.

Yeah --- that was just kind of funny, one of the regular to-be-expected promotional emails, and the promotional image just has this big giant banana in there. Right. :)

Anyway:::: now for some more interesting stuff to mention but didn't really feel like until the above information came:::

SO:::: in the past month, I decided to buy a square folding table.

This now means that the 4 of us who live in this home are now able to play board and card games with each other. We weren't able to do that in this house for many years actually, largely because of how busy the schedules were and how my Dad has loads of clutter sitting all over the "permanent" surfaces.

Anyway:::: in the past few days we've played 3 different games.

And I just have to say it's absolutely remarkable how, apparently, well my brother is recovering from his illness.

In the first card game we played ---- well, he really impressed ----- and did not lose.

In the second card game we played ----- he won.

And when we played Scrabble, with 4 players, he and I tied for first place with 115 points each.

I just have to say ------ it is really, really remarkable how much he's come back to life from his problems in these games.

Can I attribute his recovery to The Law of Attraction?


I like to think of him as a "good and smart student" ----- he and I were both good and smart students ----- and I make this clear to people when I explain some aspects of our lives.

Yeah ----- he and I were good and smart students, and the reason we were brought down is because our sister wasn't nice to us.

My sister, essentially, whether she knew it or not, used the Law of Attraction to put us both in the mental hospital.

I'm just thinking back to what it was like before the illness set in ---- he and I were good students, and we were only brought down because of mistreatment.

SO::::: I think possibly going back in my rememberings to when he and I were both smart --- that might be making us smart again.

Friday, November 9, 2018

I've Ported 2 of my Games to Mac

Facing a potential opportunity, having been invited, to sell my games in a new upcoming game store - I read in the Whitepaper for this game store that this is supposed to be for PC (rather than a console).

I just have to hope they are also compatible with Mac. I only have one (1) Windows PC in this house ---- and I never use it.

If they are compatible with Mac, then I could do everything on Mac, and then just do bits of testing on my Mom's PC.

If Windows is absolutely required, then that may be a reason why my interest in this was only 'tentative'.

Anyway ----- Though I can probably do some more work to make the games "more appealing" on a Computer Platform, I have managed to port Air Defence and Blaine Bananatree to work with a gamepad controller on Mac.

So, I have some work to do for a bit here. Hopefully, everything will be fine. The games work, the next tweaks would pretty much be cosmetic.

My number one, my biggest, concern for bringing my games to a new game store is the potential that something will break with Unity 3D v4 on a newer version of any operating system.

Unity 3D v4 is great -- it works --- it's all I need for my games (so far).

It would be a real pity if I had to upgrade my version of the Unity Engine, again, for fears that something might break.

All in all, I have an excuse to save up for the new cheap Mac Mini now.

Remember: Donations are welcome. If you read my books::: I don't get told that I get paid so it would be really nice if you would repent and leave me some bitcoin in a donation so I can turn that bitcoin into an Apple Store Gift Card and use it to help buy a new machine.

The really amazing thing is I actually felt encouraged, I felt the wherewithal to actually sit down on my games again and make them work on a system other than OUYA and Cortex.

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Introducing ULTRA

Today I received an email.

I have been invited to publish my games again.

There's a new upcoming platform which hopes to break into the gaming market.

It is called ULTRA.

The website is found at ultra.io.

Basically:::: this is a new way of trying to make the gaming industry profitable for everyone. Nothing wrong with a little competition. I'm up for that.

So, as long as these guys support their platform on macOS ---- then there is looking like a high probability that the Bananatree games will return.

I signed up for the mailing list a moment ago. I hope that worked OK (after signing up for the mailing list I was wondering if the transaction worked or not --- but I was afraid to press the Submit button again).

So, I've stated tentative intentions of getting involved with this system. Let's hope I can get a Unity 3d version 4 game series to port over to this.

I am realizing that if or rather when I jump into this that I might want to have a new mac mini at that point ---- so it's possible that I might have to buy a very low-end mac mini ---- the 3.6ghz 4 core model with only 128gb of SSD.

I say that because for the sake of my game development going on ---- I might want to keep my 2012 mac mini running an older operating system, just in case.

It would be too bad if I updated the OS on this 2012 mac only to find it doesn't work very well with important software.

It's good to have legacy hardware.

So yeah:::: just a chance that I'll be saving for a few months and then buy a lesser machine than I really would have wanted. But it's possible I will do this -- for the sake of running the latest software while keeping a legacy machine that I can use just in case.

This is one reason why the Mac mini model is so important --- it's mini, so it's easy to keep in storage --- it takes less space.

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Did a Google Search for "fake me"

I had an idea this evening.

What if I did a Google Search for my name ---- except this time my name with a different email address server attached to it?

like: krisattfield@alternate-email-server.com

Yeah - I did. Not my actual email address though.

There wasn't much information.

Some of the things you'd expect in a search for me, such as a page from this website.

Someone apparently made a project called "The Eagle's Rook and the Pirate Games" and my name got mentioned somehow on the page.

And then there was the absolute PLETHORA of Avril Lavigne photos or pictures.

Like::: Someone set up TWO Pinterest pages basically all about Avril Lavigne ---- and somehow my name was connected, even if I couldn't find it on the page.

So yeah. I don't collect tonnes of pictures of Avril personally.

So:::: How did that happen? Someone knew of her and I and somehow a google search for "fake me" results heavily in her. Huh

Anyway -------

One of the biggest initial reasons I wrote The Book of Finch was so I could raise money to basically be a closer friend to her.

It is basically impossible for me to get married on AiSH Disability Benefits alone. especially when I wrote The Book of Finch.

So:::::::: all these years later, I'm finally out of debt, have a little savings---------- but not nearly enough to buy a car and learn to drive. Not enough for a plane ticket. Maybe enough for a concert ticket.

So:: yeah::: it seemed logical that if I was going to date Avril that I'd need to be as financially free as she is --- because for the previous years nobody wanted a guy like me to be close to her --- so maybe a similar economic status might help.

Unfortunately, I spent years paying off the debt I accrued from publishing and advertising ----- and people just didn't pay me.

SO:::: I just spent years trying to raise money to pursue a relationship with someone who apparently seemed to want me ----------

Only to find that people were unable or unwilling to pay me for my products.

So I spent years just surviving, and paying off debt.

It's been 8 years since The Book of Finch.

I'm pretty sure the book has had pretty decent distribution.

And yet most or all of that distribution seems to have been maybe piracy because I don't get paid.

I try to explain the lack of funding I receive ------ but in the end, I just didn't make the money I needed.

I try to speculate on what happened to whatever I should have earned.

My favorite answer is maybe my earnings were diverted to The Alberta Government, or maybe the Avril Lavigne Foundation somehow acquired what I earned.

There's always the possibility that no one would pay ----- regardless of how I try to make my reality seem like everyone would do the right thing ------ it's possible that people don't have money. I realize that too. (but to have an internet connection and no money? Huh).

Anyway. Yeah.

Whoever created these Pinterest pages:::: It's obviously no secret my involvement with Avril.

And yet very few people paid me for my work. So I can't raise the money I need to learn to drive or buy a car or just be in an economically similar situation as her.

Anyway ---- by the year 2010 it was looking like I might have actually had some chance of actually being with her ----- except I didn't have the cash to actually do anything.

hence writing books and trying to do things to make money.

And then nobody paid.

So huh.


On a side note, I realize some of the information in The Book of Finch might come as a complete shock to some people, especially really naive Latter Day Saints.

Well:::: Today YOUTUBE showed me a video to explain the Biblical version of the Doctrine that explains a same or similar topic I discuss in my book.

That doctrine, though mentioned right there in The Book of Mormon and even The Bible ----- may have been completely hidden from all the Latter Day Saints I knew for as long as I was there.

And then my book. And the shock.

But it was always right there, in The Book of Mormon and The Bible ----- it might seem like a complete shock that this is the truth, but hey I was only reading the scripture for myself and living my life.

And I realize that no one else at church seemed to realize the doctrine.  They all seemed to believe the opposite of the actual doctrine for some reason.

Anyway:::: I realize it may seem like a complete shock what I said in my book on a certain topic, but that was all 100% Book of Mormon based----- and now I've found the exact same information is in the Book of Hosea according to Youtube.

So, don't sweat it, that's just the way things are. And I know::: I'm apparently wrong to take a position for or against either. Just live with it.

Friday, November 2, 2018

This is getting weird (Forgiveness Stuff)

I previously made a Youtube video that touched on a topic discussed in The Miracle of Forgiveness by Spencer W Kimball.

Today I was looking at my copy of the book in what I thought was the same section of the text.


a) Someone very sneakily took my copy of the book and replaced it with a different edition


b) The words of what the book says have actually magically just changed right on the page.

It is so weird.

Years ago I was reading in the book and I found information that really got me going all hysterical because of how the bishop previously contradicted the teaching -----

and now, today, in the supposedly same section of the book the book now says something completely different and even goes in a different direction.

It really is like someone switched out my copy for a different edition.


In this copy of the book I was looking at today, it didn't take long, just looking at "random" pages to find a complete contradiction in the doctrine::::

On a certain page in the book (I can't remember which) it says REPENTANCE IS NECESSARY IN ORDER TO BE FORGIVEN.

If you flip to another page of the book, it says YOU MUST FORGIVE REGARDLESS OF IF THEY REPENT OR NOT.

It's a decently thick book, so it's just interesting that it gives the viewpoint of the sinner and the victim in two different parts and teaches two completely different concepts that don't even really agree with each other realistically.

One basically always requires repentance or else no forgiveness.

The other one always requires forgiveness, even without repentance.

Maybe I can't quite explain the conundrum here in words, but if you have a logical mind you should be able to see that something isn't making sense.

It would have been nice of Kimball had put those two teachings ON THE SAME PAGE. Even: In the same paragraph.

That might've helped clarify the church for some people.



Historically, church leaders would always quote D&C 64.

Recently, the church released a new resource on dealing with abuse, especially with forgiveness issues.

In D&C 64, you are ordered to always forgive everyone, and if not then Jesus will punish you severely.

In the new online resource, the church is now saying you will need basically help from, and approval from, Jesus in order to forgive.

SO::::: Way back, the church would just force you to forgive things or else you get severely punished.

Now they are saying that you literally need Jesus Christ himself to help walk you through the forgiveness process step by step IF the matter is even going to be forgiven.

The old way::: Just do it::: Just forgive all men or else you face consequences.

The new way::: Forgiveness is ONLY possible with the help and approval of Jesus Christ.

Again, if you have the right kind of mind, you should be able to see a giant gap between these two different doctrines being taught by the supposedly same church in different time periods.

Basically, in the old way, it was "on you" to always forgive, and the Lord would be vindictive if you didn't.

In the new way, it's "on Jesus" to approve forgiveness and to help you forgive because apparently, you aren't able to forgive of your own will and power now anymore.

it's just interesting::: In the old way, you might really question "Should this really just be forgiven? I mean, it seems so wrong, maybe the perp should face consequences" but then the church would just require you to let it go or else you face severe penalty.

In the new way:::: The church finally realizes that sometimes something can be so wrong that you might actually need Jesus' help or even just Jesus' Sovereign approval for something to be forgiven as if you didn't already realize that years ago under the D&C 64 rules.

Anyway:::: A complete change in doctrine.

My brother looks at the new information as basically BS, even if it looks more palatable, it obviously isn't actually accurate and this is how I'd explain that opinion:::

We have just been forgiving everything for years, under THREAT from the Lord.

Why on earth did it suddenly just become so important for Jesus himself to be involved in helping you to forgive?

We didn't need Jesus to "help" us do it back then, so, therefore, it's not necessarily true that we absolutely need Jesus' help to do it in today's world.


And the final thing I want to touch on::::


I think everyone or society as a whole, especially in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is very confused about what the word "forgive" even means and how it works and what it's for.

There's what Jesus said in the bible. That should be clear in what it says. You should be able to interpret what the Bible says to get an understanding of what is meant by that word.

But then Joseph Smith changed the doctrine surrounding that word, and because the definition doesn't make practical sense to be applied to the word in the new doctrine, apparently we also had to change the definition of the word.

There are basically two parties as I see it:::

There's the

1) Emotional Party.

To this group, forgiveness is some kind of gift you give yourself so you can feel good again. It's all about feelings to these people, just to remove any bad feelings about anything bad that may ever have happened.

2) The Brass Tax Party

To this group, forgiveness is more than just an emotional process you do to make yourself feel better::: This group actually tries to make forgiveness LITERALLY MEANINGFUL by applying a definition of the word that says:::: "If I remove your penalty for your offense, then by the grace of God the penalties I face will be removed from my offenses". This group believes that by NOT PUNISHING a person you forgive, that they themselves will not be punished for their own wrongdoing. Basically: If I won't punish/condemn you, then God won't punish/condemn me.

NOTE:::: The Brass Tax definition works best purely in a BIBLICAL sense with the PROPER DOCTRINE applied to it.


I will point out that in THE BIBLE that GOD/JESUS does NOT REQUIRE forgiveness in every circumstance. He never did.

Only in the new Joseph Smith/D&C 64 context does The Brass Tax policy not make any sense anymore, and you basically have to redefine the word in the Purely Emotional way, apparently.

So, yeah::: it's all just kind of confusing, all the voices saying this and that about the Forgiveness topic.