Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Eye News

I mentioned in previous posts that my left eye had a blind spot --- that it was "pooched".

Today I saw the specialist, an ophthalmologist.

Basically ---- and this is weird ------ though for the past weeks I could clearly see that my left eye was not seeing properly ----- now when I was doing the eye exam at the new doctor's office my eye suddenly just got all better again.

Yes ---- the problem I had at the optometrist did not present itself.  The problem has existed quite noticeably for a while ------ but as soon as I got my sight checked at the ophthalmologist office, my eye was suddenly working properly again.

Yeah ---- I know that's really weird.  As I am writing this blog post, I am not noticing anything wrong with my eyes either.

The doctor actually looked at my eye too ---- he found NO PROBLEMS WITH IT.

BUT ------ Since the eye problem started, I also started having a dizziness problem.

yesterday I bought a cane to help me feel stable when I stand and walk.

The interesting thing to note about the cane:::: I noticed immediately after I bought it a sticker on it with the numbers "3357" printed on. By midnight, only the one number 3 remained, the other three digits just disappeared. This seemed very magical, but I do wonder if I just somehow accidentally just "rubbed off" those 3 digits. I don't know ---- it seems magical.

Anyway ---- considering the dizziness, the reality of the eye problem ------- I'm being sent to another specialist who will examine how my eye sends the information to my brain. Like, how the eye and my brain interact.

SO:::::: I know it sounds really loopy that I was claiming I had eye problems but the problems just suddenly disappeared as soon as I was in the doctor's office ------- I STILL believe in that God and Miracle stuff ----- that's all this is to me.

It's not that I'm dishonest, It's just that reality is actually really quite magical.

In other news, I got an email from my domain name provider saying they're actually now offering web hosting (or web hosting transfer) services for free.

I only started using this website to host my blog because it's free, and my domain name service servers were not and I wasn't making any money.

Apparently, the domain name service is not charging anymore. or something. I'm not sure if they actually offer hosting services for free or if it's just the transfer to their service that's free ---- but yeah, I'm noting that in case I want to switch. I might. I could think about it for a while, but I might also just get lazy and forget. Who knows.

Friday, September 21, 2018

My Mom Suddenly Became Fun

So:: My Mom retired from her job.

My Dad's hobby involves playing with radio technology ----- He built an AM Radio (actually, he's built a number of AM Radios) ------

And as he was listening to his handiwork, we heard an AD on the radio station about the upcoming PlayStation Classic.

I had to look it up online::: the article I read not only talked about PSC but also mentioned the NES Mini and the SNES Mini.

It became very clear to me what I am going to do with my next payments.

I was telling my Mom this morning how "stoked" I was about playing retro NES and SNES mini games ------ I told her I'm not depressed anymore, so I'm actually capable of feeling excited about this new discovery.

All of the sudden, my Mom announced to me that after she's been to her temple ceremony today, she wants to play 30 minutes of Forge TV with me.


My Mom's usual excuse about Forge TV and OUYA was that her old hands were arthritic.

But now she figures she SHOULD make an effort to play video games because she figures playing with me will sharpen her mind. (yes --- I've already been through a study that says video games are actually good for you).

So::::: My mom and I played for about half an hour of the Bananatree games I built.

She made me write down on a piece of paper all the controls ---- she needed something to remind her how to play and what the controls were.

She actually won the round of The Bananatree Brothers we played together.

And she skillfully managed her character in The Bananatree Brothers: Eat Carrots. She almost won that game.

SO::: this was a genuinely good and fun exercise for me and her. I feel good. She was entertained.

It's just so much fun to actually be able to play video games with someone. I've spent years wishing I could play OUYA with my family ---- but everyone was mostly too busy or too disabled.

Now that my Mom is retired, she's figured she might as well exercise her mind with video games --- which is good because I FINALLY get to have some fun.

On a side note:::: I have to say that OUYA was actually a really positive experience for me and I really enjoyed the console. OK --- maybe the experience wasn't 100% perfect, but all in all I would recommend the OUYA to people ---- if it still existed, and if I knew people. On my end, probably one of the biggest problems I had with marketing the OUYA is that my family didn't have time for it, and I almost have to wonder if my sister or sisters were actually somehow hostile to it. That's basically what I understood, because when I tried to give my one sister a free console, she wouldn't accept it ---- and she never bought her own.

So::: OUYA was very very awesome, but my family just seemed to have some problems.

Anyway::: the main point of this post is:::::

Video games are shown to actually be good for you, and my Mom who is becoming "elderly" has decided to get involved and we had good fun with it.

Also:::: Blaine Bananatree is a good starter game, it's simple enough and can help teach how to use a controller. Not that it was designed to teach controller usage, however.

Wednesday, September 19, 2018

The Local University Resurrected Something

The title of this post is the most interesting way and quickest way I could think of a title.

Today we got mail from The University of Calgary.

One for my Mom, who is a graduate.

and one for RST Systems Technology Ltd.

RST has been dead for a long, long time.

Back when my Dad was a functional human being (Basically before he spent 30 years of his life in the LDS Church) he was part of a company. I don't know what they did, but pretty soon it was all being dissolved and they just gave all the shares of the entire company to my Dad.

And therefore my Dad became that company, essentially.

He tried to continue the work, he was the President of RST Systems Technology for a while --- he even released a product called "Treasure Mapper" ------ had something to do with file conversion in the cartography industry.

His product was quite expensive, and a lot of people just didn't buy it.

Anyway, RST has been "dead" for quite a while, but by sending this letter it's like the University "resurrected" it.

And the big reason I'm writing this post:::::

Wouldn't it be interesting if my earnings as a book writer and OUYA Dev, what if those earnings went to the ownership of RST? No clue. Just speculation again.

RST is supposed to be dead. It's been a very, very long time.

Well, who knows::::

Either the money I earned, if any, went to my main investor the Alberta Government,

Or like a founder of Apple having to present his invention to Hewlett Packer because HP had rights, maybe RST took my income. Who knows.

And yes, I heard about the Apple --- HP thing from a pretty good historical movie from a while back called "The Pirates of Silicon Valley". I recommend it.

yeah. Huh. Either nobody could pay me, or my main investors took the cash.

On the topic of Pirates::::

I recently plugged in the Peasant Vision (antenna) to my TV (monitor on a mac mini) and sat back and watched some CBC for a while ---- they were teaching the kids to be pirates.

It's just weird that a crown corporation of a supposedly responsible national government was teaching the kids piracy. Who knows.


Back to work:::

Seeing as how I personally don't directly benefit from my own work, it's hard to want to do more work in the future. It doesn't seem worthwhile. I could just give up on that.

And I know some Japanese person wanted to invest in me ---- but my Japanese interpreter friend didn't believe it ------ and I think the whole thing was very confused if it was even real at all ------- and well, I'm just not a very social person. I don't socialize with others the absolute best, I'm much more comfortable in a small group (my family) without having to worry about too many obligations. I don't even spend much time with other disabled people.

And ----- lastly, if I were to continue work, I also have to think about how to afford all the hardware and all that I'd need ---- it's difficult because it's expensive and I have no way of knowing that people are actually interested or would actually pay me for anything. There's no point in trying, as well as there's no certain money besides AiSH.

AND ----- I don't have any new ideas right now.

There we go.

Main point of this post:::: The University sent mail to my Dad's dead business. I have to wonder if the dead business might be a recipient of any of my earnings, much like I could speculate that the government could have taken it.

Saturday, September 15, 2018

The Emotional Urge for Friendship

Today I was realizing how socially cut off from people I am, whether by choice or whether it's imposed by others.

In Canada::: Freedom of association is supposed to be GUARANTEED.

I had a friend from a long time ago, she was also my classmate for 2 years.

The short of it is::: She had no idea why our friendship wasn't allowed, and even after we had both been banned from talking to each other she still talked to me anyway.

It was basically the church or someone or some authority in the church who decided that she and I would not be allowed to be friends with each other.

Since then, the church has basically been completely disproved ---- and I am also aware from some of her communications that she wasn't really a believer anyway.

I know the information can be messed up, and I know that the situation doesn't make sense and is completely illogical and can never be understood.

And yeah:::: the church that forced us to not be friends anymore never quite stopped her completely from talking to me ---- and then the church ended up being soundly disproved by a zillion different ways of people being able to figure it out.

Anyway::::: In my heart, in my soul, there is still some idea or yearning that she and I could still be friends.

But intellectually I know the situation has never made any sense and that the church really didn't want us to be friends.

SO:::: since the church is disproved now, and she didn't or doesn't really believe in that stuff ---- is the ban still in effect?

In my head I know I might be opening a can of worms by talking about this ----- but in my heart I kind of wonder about how she's doing and still desire a friendship with her.

My Dad likes to tell me that he was friends with a member of her family. Huh.

But anyway.

It's just interesting that many years ago my Bishop would tell me I have to forgive her and her family but then told me not to talk to her anymore::::: because that is actually self-contradicting instruction that goes against the whole Mormon book on forgiveness written by an LDS prophet.

So::: the situation has never really made sense, I might be opening a can of worms with my heartfelt feelings of wondering how she's doing.

it's just that it's the church that banned our friendship, the church got disproved, and she wasn't really a believer is all.

And that the Canadian Constitution is supposed to lawfully guarantee freedom of association.

Anywho ---- that's what was on my mind today.

Thursday, September 13, 2018

Programming and Thinking

My Dad said there was only one other time in his life history where he was programming in BASIC --- many years ago at his job.

Now, for his hobby, he's doing BASIC again.

It's nice to see him working at that sort of thing again.

During my childhood, I remember seeing and watching him do much work on the family computer in a language called "Prograph". Prograph doesn't exist anymore, and I tried to learn it but didn't grasp it, but my Dad somehow understood it, and actually published a project with it.

Of course, that project didn't pay him very much, so we ended up being what I thought of as poor.

I was remembering when I was first trying to teach myself JAVA before I became schizophrenic ---- Yes ---- trying to learn JAVA at that time might have been an early indicator that my brain was going to have problems, because some of the concepts of the language were somehow too abstract for my brain back then, and I was just beginning to start to shut down at that time, as I remember.

Of course, having done OUYA many years later, suddenly JAVA is so much more understandable --- and maybe I was just having a brain shutdown and a reboot or something.

In the HALO universe by Bungie, I think I remember reading in one of the books that the Human AI's had a problem where they would "think themselves to death".

I'm kind of wondering now, at this point in my life if I'm going to have a similar problem::: My brain has learned so much information and experience over the years, that often my brain is processing very quickly and there's too much information and not enough brain power ---- and I wonder if I'm just going to wear my brain out with all the thoughts I have.

Maybe it's just mental exercise, but I've had so much to think about in just 34 years ---- the information amount seems immense and my brain hardly gets any rest.  And that's just thinking about the PAST ------ I feel very worn out and wondering how effective I can be at figuring out current and future problems -------- maybe like an absent-minded professor of sorts.

And the final thing I'll mention in this post is this::::

What is the explanation for why my left eye would become partially sighted?

There are possible "scientific" explanations:

such as

1) Possibly it's genetics, one of my uncles is blind in one eye.

2) Possibly it might a problem with how I sleep, but that can't totally be helped because I'm a very big person, and I'm very big because of my psychiatric drug ---- and nobody is going to change that.

3) Possibly it might come from a problem involving how I got my dental implant MAYBE.

And then, there's the "magical" world, where the Law of Attraction will make you sick or ill simply because you haven't been loving enough.

SO:::: Did my left eye get pooched because I have too much animosity in my thinking processes?

I might even have legitimate reasons for my animosity ----- but try as I might to bless the whole world especially everyone who ever wronged me ------- I can still feel and think conrary to a number of problems I've seen or experienced in my life ------ and I have to wonder if any of my contrarian thinking, like for example, thinking about Mormon problems, might somehow have caused tme to be less loving than I should be and thus my eyesight gets pooched?

Am I just growing old?

But that's really something to think about you know ---- how important love is.

The Law of Attraction will do bad things to you if you don't have enough love in your life.

So::::: what if you are supposed to be so loving of everyone, regardless of how messed up they might've been to you? I don't know ------

or what if, for some reason, God actually is with the Mormons even if that doesn't totally make total sense all the time???

So::: yeah, potential scientific explanations for my eyes ----- and then the magical reasoning.

Overworking my brain to the point of shutdown maybe?

and it's just nice and nostalgic kind of for me to see my Dad working a programming language again.

OUYA once asked a question on Mother's Day in a tweet along the lines of "How did your Mom inspire or help you to become a programmer?"

I never responded, but I definitely thought I could have said: "She married my Dad, who was working with computers in various ways since the early days".

Anyway, yeah, that's today's update.

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Did the law of attraction do this and is this for real?

I've mentioned the idea from The Secret before::: try attracting checks into your mailbox rather than bills.

Well::: my spam box on my email has had numerous messages over time trying to tell me that there's money for me somewhere.

This seems like an obviously relatable occurrence to what The Secret was trying to teach me -----

But I don't recognize, as of yet, the sources of the supposed income, and I am also well aware that there are people we like to call "scammers" who will try to deceive and take advantage, so it's kind of hard to understand if this is really trustworthy ---- especially since it goes straight to the spam box.

You'd think after all these years that I should be paid something ----- but I also know or am aware that humanity can be unbelievably untrustworthy. So the easiest thing to do is ignore supposed offers that seem too good to be true ---- even if I am deserving of payment.

One thing that would really help move money is if the message was from an identifiable and trusted source.

Like::: a lot of the names and URLs of these emails seem to have nothing to do with anything I previously knew of.

I don't know if I've been signed up for things that I actually have zero interest in.

For example:::: recently my Dad has been receiving mail or has been put into the mailing list and may now even apparently have a membership in an organization he actually really has nothing to do with. And we do get this in the actual physical mail.

I am well understanding that I may be signed up for something that I actually have nothing to do with ----

So it's just kind of hard to know what to trust sometimes.

It would be very interesting if someone was trying to pay me:::: because I don't recognize the source of so many of these money offers. It would be nice if a publisher's name was attached for if actual relevant information was included in the messages.

This one message uses an old friend's nickname, but I don't fully understand that to be entirely related to anything even so.

SO::: I get all kinds of payment or money offers in the email:::: I just don't know how trustworthy a lot of things I ever see ever are.

Friday, September 7, 2018

Big Stuff

Ok, I've got 3 big things to talk about/mention:::

I saw an optometrist today.

I can't remember the exact terminology he used ----- but he now has it in his records or notes that I am now basically partially sighted. With the technology he had, he was unable to determine the problem, because everything he could see looked just fine ---- so he's referring me to a specialist.

The doctor did have some hope that my eyesight would return.

And yes ----- it's bad enough that I can't really read very well with my left eye ---- not even BIG letters on the wall ------ the doctor seemed to clearly understand that I was not seeing what I was supposed to.

The latest time I played the lottery:::: this time they asked me for identification. They don't usually ask me for identification --- but they did this time. And yes --- I won, a very small prize.

That comes after about 4 or 5 consecutive losses.

Asking for ID? either I look young, or someone might be catching on. Maybe. I don't always win ---- but there is something strange about the amount I have been winning.

And finally, I have learned that the LDS Apostle Elder Gong is going to be visiting my local LDS Stake this weekend for a special conference.

That is kind of interesting, and yes, it's amusing that his name resembles my video game's name (Gong versus Pfhonge ---- along with Elder Soares versus The Eagle's Sore).

Part of me understands that I might be seen as a bad guy ---- but another part of me realizes that the church asked me to be a traveling preacher and then they didn't even buy my books.

I don't know what to say ---- it might be interesting to have a chat with the church about the problems::: but for so long I've been avoiding confrontation.

Just going to revert to my usual habit of skipping church I guess.

But yeah:::: if God wanted me to be rich, maybe he'd let me win a bigger prize on the lottery. if the church really followed God, maybe they would buy my book.

Or maybe I'm just not allowed to have a big giant bank account. So::: that means to be a traveling preacher I'll have to learn to teleport. Who knows. Probably not while I'm in psychiatry.

One big reason a traveling preacher might need money is just to get around ----- but what do I know?

As a Mormon preacher, I would also need money to raise a family --- because Mormons are supposed to get married.

The really interesting thing:::: I know I'm comparatively wealthy compared to so many other people in western society, but it's really not that much ---- I was telling God about how me being as "wealthy" as I am seems kind of anti-climactic.

So::: how much am I worth?  About $4-5000CAD.

yes ------ actually being worth that much does actually make me comparatively wealthy, but it's not really that much when you really get down to it.

And that doesn't include getting paid for books and video games. I don't get paid for that.

Is $4-5000 really enough to travel and preach to the nations and raise a family and everything? Probably not.

But:::: My positive net worth does make me a comparatively wealthy person. It's just kind of anti-climactic is all.

Just not allowed to have an ultra-huge bank account I guess ----- as well apparently I also have to be only partially sighted it seems. Huh.

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Maybe it is magical

I was having moments of clarity where my normally "gimped" right eye was seeing things better and more clearer than it should have - without glasses.

Yesterday I visited the psychiatric clinic.

The psychiatric clinic has a history of telling me NOT to believe in magical or miraculous stuff. And then drugging me, and increasing dosages, for continuing to believe in it.

As I stood in the waiting area yesterday::: I felt very empty, hurt, heartbroken inside.

Mormonism would say this feeling means that psychiatry is not for me.

Another observation is that I might just be feeling empathic feelings that someone else present may have been feeling.

Anyway ---- I got my med. Yes, I started feeling better.

But my eye appears to be gimped again now.

In the days leading up to the injection, as my last injection was wearing off, there is commonly something I'll feel or experience that wouldn't happen if I had a dosage of drugs in me.

Like, without the medication I might start feeling a mania --- start feeling super good.

This time, I started feeling my right eye get better.

Now I've taken my med, and my eye isn't functioning as well as I thought it could moments ago.

But then again, the fixed eye was never really completely fixed ---- so who knows.

The best I can say about my "miraculous" experiences is this:::: when my right eye starts seeing clearly (and this past week isn't the first time this has happened) --- when my eye sees clearly it usually only lasts a little while.

I know there's some reality where my right eye won't be "gimped" anymore --- but it's not a common occurrence in this world, I guess.

Considering how bad I felt about standing in the psychiatric office:::: Mormonism teaches that feeling means I shouldn't be there ---- that psychiatry is really NOT for me.

Another line of thought would say I was just being empathic.

So:::: my eye got better, as my drugs were wearing off, I might add, but now that I'm on drugs again ---- My eye appears to have gone back to being "gimped".

Or maybe I'm just being subjective. Sort of. Who knows.

But::: yes::: my right did have moments of clarity it shouldn't have had.

And now::: My right eye isn't seemingly as clear anymore.

Monday, September 3, 2018

In the realm of magical

What I am about to say seems unbelievable --- it doesn't seem likely, it seems to be in the realm of a magical happening. I understand if you don't believe in magic, but what I'm about to say is still true.

I was wondering if I should hold off writing this post until tomorrow just to make sure this is really happening ----- but after experiencing this for long enough today, I'm pretty sure it's happening.

I will mention the lottery again, but the lottery is NOT what this post is actually about.

A little while ago I posted that I had won a prize in the lottery on 3 out of 4 attempts at that time.

The past week includes those 3 out of 4 attempts::: so now I'll tell you how my lottery has been for the past week:::::

I've won the lottery 4 out of 7 times in the past week.

This alone is a big deal since the odds of winning the smallest prize are 1 in 7.7.

But realize this also::: last Sunday I won the $30 prize, where the odds are 1 in 509.

It seems completely unbelievable --- I know ---- but it's absolutely true. I have the tickets in my possession to prove it. I also have June's tickets that prove that winning streak.

So::: what this post is really about:::::

I used part of the $30 I won to buy myself a pair of snazzy sunglasses.

For the past month or two, I've been noticing my prescription eyeglasses haven't really been working very well with my left eye anymore.

The problem:::: My left eye not only doesn't quite see properly through the lens anymore but in outdoor daylight conditions, I appear to have a blind spot in my vision in the position of the thing I'm looking directly at. I'm partially blinded, in outdoor daylight conditions.

So, I bought the pair of sunglasses to see if I can protect my left eye and not have a blind spot while I'm outdoors.

After wearing the sunglasses with my regular glasses, for a reason, I will not state I decided I shouldn't wear my prescription glasses anymore.

I was testing my eyes watching football ---- with sunglasses, without sunglasses, left eye, right eye, both eyes ------

Something amazing just happened:::::

Historically for the past several years, my left eye was my better eye and my right eye needed glasses to see anything clearly at a modest distance.

Well:::: today something changed.

The current weakness of my left eye (which I will note was properly focused without the eyeglasses, but still a little weak in actually seeing things like it's "darkened" in my left eye) appears to maybe have caused my right eye to shape up.

My eyesight in my right eye has drastically IMPROVED.

I'm not saying my right eye is perfect (yet) ------- but things that would have been blurry before now can appear plain and readable.

My left eye still functions clear and readable without eyeglasses --- with eyeglasses the image is fuzzy ----- but I noticed that the image in my eye is also good, but darkened because of whatever might be causing my blind spot.

My Dad wants me to see an optometrist.

I was figuring I should see an optometrist to for quite a while ---- but just today I'm noticing that my vision seems to, appears to basically to get better.

The final evidence that verified this fact to me is this:::: earlier today I noticed I needed my eyeglasses just to read text on my 1.4ghz mac mini monitor ---- I was unable to see text on the screen clearly without glasses ---- and that was just earlier today.

Just a moment ago I started reading on that same computer ------ And I've found that I no longer need glasses ---- my naked eyes are actually now capable of reading text on that computer screen.

The football scores on the tv were more readable,

visiting shops on the street outdoors I noticed I was able to read the signs without glasses -----

All just today. Boom. Eyesight doing much better.

At the same time, I won the lottery 4/7 times and that includes one of the big $30 prizes.

I know and am well aware that this story seems over the top, and unbelievable ----- except I'm just telling what I've experienced ----- this is my own personal truth.

I can only hope my eyesight will continue getting better and that I'll have more good experiences with the lottery.

Also in the past week::: when I talked to my Mom about me winning the lottery, she, as a devout Mormon, claimed there was nothing magical about me winning the lottery.

If this isn't magic, then who else is there to blame?

But to me, if I'm winning the lottery and getting healed eyesight at the same time ---- that is magical as far as I'm concerned.

To each, their own though ----- The Mormons said I'd witness and perform miracles, and then started forcing me on psychiatric drugs for believing in miracles --------

so maybe that is some kind of explanation for why my Mormon Mother has such a hard time believing that what's going on is in any way magical.

Can't win the argument. No point in trying.

To me, it's just a matter of thinking good things, saying good things, doing good things, asking God for good things, being thankful for the good things I get, and so on.

This is the power behind the magic in my life, I believe.

UPDATE::: the next morning

So::: my eyes are better, but far from being perfect.

I used to need glasses to read the TV or read text on my computer monitor. Now I don't need glasses for that ---- the naked eye works well enough.

But ------ I was just looking at some text in my house at a distance, and then tried it with my old prescription glasses ---

The glasses definitely make my right eye see better at that distance for that kind of writing. The amount of improvement in my right eye was limited.

My left eye? My left eye used to be my good eye ----- but in outdoor sunlight, I have a serious blind spot that hampers the vision in that eye.

I can see with my left eye --- and I have some evidence. that the sight might still be clear:::: but the problem is that the colors look a bit different than my right eye, and clearly seeing things with my left is not really happening.

So::: My left eye used to be my good eye. My right eie was my bad eye.

Now my left is diminished somehow ------ and my right has improved a limited amount.

Who knows. When I started seeing better with my right eye, that seemed magical. But it's not absolutely perfect ----- although I am able to see better with a little bit of squinting at a distance.

My left eye can see ---- but I clearly have a blind spot outdoors, and indoors the quality of the image is questionable.

No idea how this happened. It's weird because in the past year it was my right eye that took the "abuse" --- but now my right eye sees better, while my left eye was safe but has degraded. Weird.

Yeah, it seems magical --- maybe there's an explanation.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

Three Weddings & More

I guess it's the season.

Yesterday my Dad and I were dropping off and picking up my Mom at the Calgary LDS Temple --- and they were celebrating a wedding outside.

Today, something which usually never happens was happening::: the next door neighbors were holding a family wedding right next door!

So, this is a big reason why I felt like mentioning weddings.

I am told that wedding was administered by a Justice of the Peace.

While that wedding was happening, my family took off to the Zoo ------

when we visited the Butterfly House, we found yet another wedding party going on.

And the zoo was very busy.

So, good luck to these people with that, I'm mostly mentioning this since it's mostly just a big deal to see a wedding next door.

In other news::::::

I managed to finally fix my high-e string on my guitar. Sometimes the guitar sounds weird, but it plays.

The latest mention from that Japanese Softbank thing is that there was some kind of malicious something going on --- I can't remember, I translated the message this morning and the one word I remember in the translation was "malicious" ----- so I guess maybe I shouldn't trust it. Hah. I'm just confused about doing business with anyone actually, especially in Japan where I don't know the language. The thing that made the supposed business offer in Japan special was the amount of money offered. It was really special.  But, from the sales reports I've seen, it would be a big waste for whoever was spending it. But anyway, the message I got today is just making me think I should ignore that whole thing some more.

The one thing I felt like posting about before I heard about the weddings is this:::: I'm only 34 years old, and I already feel "worn out".  I endured my childhood, then spent over 10 years recovering from my childhood, and now that I'm enjoying life, I already just feel worn out.

But it's good to have a loving family. I felt a bit revitalized after my Mom saw a health condition that exists on my leg and in her wisdom as a doctor and a nurse she gave me her footstool and rubbed a cream on my health condition.  That must be why nurses are so awesome;:: they just do a job and find a way of helping a patient feel better.

yes -- My mom is/was a doctor, a nurse, and more.  She is extremely educated. Which may have helped inspire me to study and be smart in school when I was growing up.

Anyway, yeah, loving families are important, despite feeling so worn out earlier this morning, the simple caring act of "nursing" that my Mom performed on me seemed to give me a burst of energy to carry on my Day. Yay.

And I can remember one last thing to mention:::: My September Health Benefits Card from AiSH still hasn't arrived.  That really is odd!