I've started to wear a Cross Necklace.
Wearing this Cross Necklace seems to help remind me and think about what it means to be an actual Christian. (My brain is so full of the leftovers from Mormonism that I have to wonder how accurate my theology is sometimes)
Something interesting I noticed:::
My cross gives a quote from the Bible that says "I can do all things" (through Jesus, or somesuch like that) -----
So, I figured, "I guess that means I can finally fully stop masturbating now".
SO: what's important about that?
Last night as I was going to bed, I felt some level of the pangs of temptation again ----- I knew what I was feeling was supposedly trying to get me to commit sin -------- but, basically, I guess the magic of the cross helped me feel "separate" from that temptation, insomuch that I was able to go to bed that night without doing anything "naughty".
But here's the thing about the temptation I experienced, and this also is similar to past times when I stopped the sin but felt temptation then also:
You know how I believe my masturbation was originally caused by a ghost right? And you know about my belief in telepathy and empathy right?
Well, on this occasion, which is similar to a past occasion when I had stopped, I actually felt that the temptation was just me feeling someone else committing sexual acts.
It doesn't make sense maybe, it seems totally mind-bending ----- but basically I when I feel the temptation to masturbate, especially when I've stopped masturbating and am actively staying separate from that behavior ----- the temptation simply feels like A DIFFERENT PERSON who I might be somehow spiritually connected to, it feels like someone else is committing the act, and I just get to feel it to, and be tempted by it.
Yes, it's totally mind-bending, and I understand if you don't understand.
To me, it just feels like someone else is doing it, and I'm somehow telepathically connected to the experience, and though I'm doing dick squat I feel the same or close to similar feelings of a person actually engaged in the act, even though I'm not doing it myself.
The simple of it::: It's very hard to avoid the temptation and even harder to resist the temptation::: but In my mind I gave my new cross the magical ability to help me resist temptation ----- at which point I was able to resist, but the temptation started to feel like someone else telepathically connected to me was committing the act and I was feeling someone else doing it even though I myself was just trying to go to sleep.
I know, that probably doesn't make sense, but that's what it feels like.
So::::: there are times where I can feel like I'm being mind-controlled to look positively upon the Mormons and their Church and I start forgetting anything and everything wrong.
I just sit there thinking::: They had miracles. Good for them. They promote good morality. Good for them.
I mean, for some reason it's like I'm mind-controlled to think at a very basic- face value level about the church, and I might even start thinking that they are actually really good people.
But just as I was talking to my brother today, the discussion reminded me of some problems with the whole church I'll bring up here:::::
NOWHERE in any of the Standard Works is masturbation specifically or explicitly banned or considered sinful. From the Bible, to the book of Mormon, to the D&C and pearl of great price, as far as I am aware, there's nothing that specifically and explicitly bans and forbids masturbation.
Yet::::: Growing up the church, they made it very clear masturbation is forbidden, and there were very real penalties for breaking that rule.
WHILE on the other hand, in The Book of Mormon AND in the New Testament JESUS makes it VERY CLEAR that it is adultery to marry a divorced woman. In fact, even the MGTOW videos of today can clearly explain WHY it's wrong to marry a single mother.
And yet the church totally allows adulterous marriage in the temple even though it's against the rules of the actual scriptures.
SO:::: Though there's not a complete logical or scriptural reason to ban masturbation, the Mormons are vehemently against the behavior.
While the scriptures and actual logic dictate why it's wrong to marry a single mother, and the church is totally A-OK with this behavior.
Obviously, something is wrong here. I just thought I'd mention that.
Something just isn't making sense.
The worst philosophy against masturbation I can think of is that it's a nuisance, so don't if you don't have to.
But if you have to do it, as the case commonly is, then do it. Not really a big problem either. Generally, masturbation is usually a solution rather than the disease.
It's not scripturally banned, and it's a logical thing to do for men, and yet the church hates it.
While adultery is scripturally banned, and it's not even logical ----- yet the church will totally allow it.
Just really, really confusing.
SO::: the point of the bottom half of this blog post is to say::::
I can feel totally mind controlled to really like Mormons and Mormonism sometimes,
but it doesn't take much digging in my knowledge of experience or learning in the church to realize something is either very wrong or questionable.