Friday, July 13, 2018

My Mental Illness seems contrived

I was just reviewing some old emails from "Annie Liability" --- my version of the ballerinagirl in my version of the Sk8er Boi story.

1) She believed I am mentally ill/schizophrenic because I believe in invisible people (essentially my belief in ghosts and angels).

2) She believed I was insulting GOD if I accuse GOD of NOT knowing that I would become mentally ill.

3) She said the reason she broke up with me, at one point, was because my parents called her parents to tell them I was schizophrenic.

[NOTE:::: I'm just going to point out here that when she broke up with me, I had not been diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was still a top student - and my parents deny phoning her parents]

There's another bit of information::: My LDS/Mormon Patriarch blessed me with a specially blessed MIND.

SO::::: IF GOD knew that I WAS GOING TO BE SCHIZOPHRENIC ----- then why did I suddenly become schizophrenic only shortly after being especially blessed in mind? If I was especially blessed in my mind:::: then why didn't Jesus or "his" church just heal me of my problem?

I was especially blessed in mind ------ somehow that translated into schizophrenia directly after the blessing. And the blessing didn't even cure the schizophrenia which shouldn't have happened in the first place.

Fact is:::: My sisters and their friends had more ideas, more predicting ability to know that I would be schizophrenic than the patriarch did.

But really, the schizophrenia diagnosis seems kind of contrived because

1) Schizophrenia is what my sisters and their friends were going for (and one of their friends was the Bishop's daughter)
2) Even though the church clearly believes in Ghosts and Angels as far as I've ever known the church ---- Annie Liability can't give me any leeway on this one and tells me I'm mentally ill because I believed what the church taught me.
3) She seemed to think the timeline involved me being schizophrenic long before I actually did lose my mind.

Those three points make me think that the schizophrenia was contrived:::: that people were entirely disrespectful of my good studentry and schooling ability, and were actually intent on driving me to mental illness.

So:::: obviously something is wrong here.

My sisters had more idea that I was going to be mentally ill than the patriarch did.

The patriarch's blessing for my mind didn't even heal the problem.

I am mentally ill BECAUSE I believed in the church ----- it's just weird how she's a total member who tells me I'm crazy for believing something she should be believing herself.

Why was I considered to be schizophrenic long before I actually lost my mind?

Something seems very, very wrong here.


Another kind of goofy bit of information is this::::

Annie Liability was my friend. For a good long while she was like my personal cheerleader. Basically.

All of her friends stuck up their noses ------- She and I were forced to end our friendship. And it was vicious.

In all appearances, to me, Avril Lavigne seemed to come to my defence when she started singing the Sk8er Boi Song. It was the perfect timing for the situation I faced in my life at that time.

But as the years go on ------- something very strange happens:::::

1) Annie Liability SUDDENLY magically out of the blue starts "being friendly" again ---- trying to treat me in a postive manner,
2) Avril's fanclub hated me, kicked me out, and for some reason I don't seem to be on very good terms with them.


So when Annie hates me ---- Avril friends me ------ but when Annie likes me again, for some reason "Avril" (or her fans) suddenly don't like me anymore.

There's something really strange going on here.

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