Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Did some searching

So, I lay down to some Youtube on my iPad.

My feed showed me a video of a woman who self-published her first book and made a bunch of money.


I'm sitting here, wondering, why didn't I get any sales? Why were massive amounts of pirating reported but pretty much zero sales?


I did a search on Google for "kris attfield ebook download".


This is what I found:






Um. I am so disappointed.


I did all that work. I got all that exposure.


And yet all those thousands of people on OUYA wouldn't pay me a dime ---- not for a single thing I did.


All these games. All these books.


The vast majority didn't pay a cent.


OMG.  Seeing this girl be successful and now seeing my ebook which shouldn't be available anymore on an "ouyareviews" website feels like such a rip-off.


I generally look at OUYA as a good thing::: it was a good opportunity for some occupational therapy.



But the quality of the people who used OUYA? I mean: seriously::: sure they didn't have to buy any video games:::: but STEALING MY BOOKS?????  Could they SERIOUSLY NOT PAY A DIME???


What a rip off. They don't even bother to donate any bitcoin to me.


Is everyone just really cheap or does the world just hate me?



Want to know how many copies of Aftermath I sold? That ebook listed in the search above?


I sold like ONE copy --- -and that copy was REFUNDED.  NOBODY PAID A DANG CENT.


I was raised to always forgive everyone::: but my family eventually learned to decide that the "forgive everyone" rule was really quite abusive.


I am feeling a bit ticked off.


This is NOT COOL what these people did. It's one thing to not pay for games that are offered freely, or to download a freely offered ebook ----- but to STEAL EBOOKS????? SERIOUSLY????


Now I'm just getting upset.




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If there's any good news, that thumb pick I bought today allows me to play a better C Chord on my guitar. Yay.


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Does the world just hate me? I mean - seriously:::: it's like I've been hated since my early childhood, and the problems just proceed and continue growing up even into adulthood. Seriously. Give me a break.

Getting Upgraded

So::: my family took me to the next town over where my Mom went shopping for shoes.

As we were walking along, we found a music shop. After visiting another shop, we came back to the music shop.

At my Dad's suggestion, we bought two new guitar picks: a thumb-pick that grasps to the thumb, and a finger pick that grasps to the finger.

This is going to make things easier I think, might be able to make use of these.

When playing with the pick that came with my new guitar::: I noticed after extended playing that I can start to lose grip on a normal pick. So at very least the new thumb-pick should do me some good. Yay.

I feel so cool finally being able to do some shopping in a music store.


Yesterday I also finally ordered my replacement for that old 9-10-year-old pc with only 2 gigs of ram and a poor graphics processor:

Even when running Linux, 2 gigs of RAM just didn't seem like enough.

I am now awaiting my refurbished 1.4ghz mac mini with 4 gigs of ram.

This is all I can afford on just aish without people actually paying me for my work. Not much of an upgrade, but hey, 4 gigs of ram should hopefully beat the 2 gigs in the old system.



At the mall today my Mom also bought a new set of earrings that sounded a little pricey.


Now that she's retiring --- and I've been paying off my credit card ----- it's not hard to notice how money burns a hole in your pocket. Or in our pockets.


There is wisdom in having NO credit card or a very small credit limit credit card ---- and saving each month with decent interest or dividends. Hopefully, we'll be able to put a financial policy like that in place in our family.


Maybe I'll review the new Mac Mini when it finally arrives --- we'll see ---- thing is, I heard a rumor that Apple is coming out with new Mac minis this fall. That's kind of a reason why I bought this one, to make sure I got my hands on a legacy device.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Encountering Problems with my Music

I have my first song which I've made for guitar::: but as I was trying to rehearse the lyrics to myself multiple times yesterday to myself without the guitar ----- I found I had some pretty bad memory problems where a verse or half a verse would just disappear from my memory.

I'd have to review the text of the lyric on my phone - I think I have fully remembered the lyrics now ------ but I was having some pretty bad memory problems for a little while.



Today I was practicing my cowboy chords when I realized that my "C Chord" is really bad. In fact::: I'm not sure I ever did the C Chord the right way. Which means that video I made of myself playing that public domain song---- was wrong.


So:::: I figured out a better way to play the C Chord that seems st work better.


Rather than using my first three fingers, I figured I should use my first third and fourth fingers to play the chord.

I also figured out that sitting down is now easier than standing up when playing.


Before I liked standing up because I was able to "dance" a little bit while I played ----- but now sitting down is good because I have better control over my fingers this way. I think.


So:::: the biggest problems with my C Chord are:::: 1) I have a tendency to hit the low E string when I shouldn't ---- and 2) just trying to get a good sound out of the strings I am supposed to play was difficult. Problem #2 seems to be "fixed" by playing with my new finger setup though.


Yesterday as I looked at what to learn next::: the CAGED system seemed interesting but also seemed too difficult for my forgetful mind ------- so I'm thinking I might learn the minor chords next--- that seems easier.

Friday, July 13, 2018

My Mental Illness seems contrived

I was just reviewing some old emails from "Annie Liability" --- my version of the ballerinagirl in my version of the Sk8er Boi story.

1) She believed I am mentally ill/schizophrenic because I believe in invisible people (essentially my belief in ghosts and angels).

2) She believed I was insulting GOD if I accuse GOD of NOT knowing that I would become mentally ill.

3) She said the reason she broke up with me, at one point, was because my parents called her parents to tell them I was schizophrenic.

[NOTE:::: I'm just going to point out here that when she broke up with me, I had not been diagnosed with schizophrenia, I was still a top student - and my parents deny phoning her parents]

There's another bit of information::: My LDS/Mormon Patriarch blessed me with a specially blessed MIND.



SO::::: IF GOD knew that I WAS GOING TO BE SCHIZOPHRENIC ----- then why did I suddenly become schizophrenic only shortly after being especially blessed in mind? If I was especially blessed in my mind:::: then why didn't Jesus or "his" church just heal me of my problem?


I was especially blessed in mind ------ somehow that translated into schizophrenia directly after the blessing. And the blessing didn't even cure the schizophrenia which shouldn't have happened in the first place.


Fact is:::: My sisters and their friends had more ideas, more predicting ability to know that I would be schizophrenic than the patriarch did.


But really, the schizophrenia diagnosis seems kind of contrived because

1) Schizophrenia is what my sisters and their friends were going for (and one of their friends was the Bishop's daughter)
2) Even though the church clearly believes in Ghosts and Angels as far as I've ever known the church ---- Annie Liability can't give me any leeway on this one and tells me I'm mentally ill because I believed what the church taught me.
3) She seemed to think the timeline involved me being schizophrenic long before I actually did lose my mind.


Those three points make me think that the schizophrenia was contrived:::: that people were entirely disrespectful of my good studentry and schooling ability, and were actually intent on driving me to mental illness.


So:::: obviously something is wrong here.



My sisters had more idea that I was going to be mentally ill than the patriarch did.


The patriarch's blessing for my mind didn't even heal the problem.


I am mentally ill BECAUSE I believed in the church ----- it's just weird how she's a total member who tells me I'm crazy for believing something she should be believing herself.


Why was I considered to be schizophrenic long before I actually lost my mind?



Something seems very, very wrong here.


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Another kind of goofy bit of information is this::::


Annie Liability was my friend. For a good long while she was like my personal cheerleader. Basically.

All of her friends stuck up their noses ------- She and I were forced to end our friendship. And it was vicious.

In all appearances, to me, Avril Lavigne seemed to come to my defence when she started singing the Sk8er Boi Song. It was the perfect timing for the situation I faced in my life at that time.




But as the years go on ------- something very strange happens:::::


1) Annie Liability SUDDENLY magically out of the blue starts "being friendly" again ---- trying to treat me in a postive manner,
while
2) Avril's fanclub hated me, kicked me out, and for some reason I don't seem to be on very good terms with them.


??????


So when Annie hates me ---- Avril friends me ------ but when Annie likes me again, for some reason "Avril" (or her fans) suddenly don't like me anymore.



There's something really strange going on here.

Recorded my first music at home

I've had this guitar for only a few days now, and I've already recorded my first song.

I think it was yesterday I figured out how to play a common and short public domain song ----

And I am getting better and better at playing or fretting the Cowboy Chords -----

So today I wrote and recorded my first song ever. And then I re-did it and re-recorded it to make it better.

You can definitely tell that it's a "garage band quality" recording ---- no professional equipment here,

just me, QuickTime, and a cheap webcam with a cheap microphone that's recording the music and the singing.

It sounds OK --- but you can tell it's a cheap microphone.


I like my song. I wrote it, it's fun for me. It's about something I hold dear.

Besides the recording quality, the other part of it that might be lacking is my vocals ---- my voice might not be the greatest ------ as well as professional musicians have figured out better ways to compose and play music than myself I'm sure ------ I'm just an amateur.

As well::: I'm a solo act, while bands with multiple instruments are usually going to sound better.


But it's the song that counts:::: I like the song, it's about something good, which is important to me.


Maybe it would make more sense to record a song with higher quality equipment ---- therefore I'm not likely to release what I have done today.

But I like it, and I'm happy. That's what counts I guess.


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As I checked my email as I wrote this blog post, I noticed I keep getting these messages in my Junk folder saying something about paying me money -------


Again, such messages tickle my hopes, but of course, you know a lot can't be trusted unless it's clearly coming through a legitimate channel --- not the junk mail folder.

Just tickles my hopes, and plays with my heart, to see offers of payment that probably aren't real while not getting paid legitimately for the work I have done. OH well.

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Unexpected Mail

In Guitar news::: I've learned Major Chords for C, E, F, A, D and G. I am still yet to really learn a B Chord. I can play them. I think I have them memorized.  It's a matter of practicing them so they become second nature, and being able to quickly switch between them.

I also realized a better way to connect the strap to the guitar --- (I think I was doing it "a" wrong way before) ----- I think that piece of string connected to the strap can be used to hang the guitar on the wall.  That sounds like a plan. I think I could if I took down or moved a poster from my brother's old university days and if I moved my big plastic spaceship toy off my bar fridge.



THE REAL NEWS:::::


Usually, it's my Dad receiving multiple packages a day in the mail.

Now, on Monday I got two packages (which I ordered), on Tuesday I got my guitar, and today I got one package which I had ordered and I knew was coming, and something else which came as a big surprise.

Someone put me on a mailing list for a construction and building supplies catalog. I think it comes from Edmonton.

The only thing I can think of doing with this catalog is maybe trying to figure out how to access that recently announced Federal Funding for housing homeless people.

I had an idea that IF I had made 20 to 50 million dollars from my past projects that I could have moved on to solve homelessness in Calgary.

Just a little while later the Federal Government announced BILLIONS of dollars towards ending homelessness.

I wonder if this construction catalog is a clue that I should be involved in the project.


Here's the issues:::

1) I have no idea how or where to look to acquire the funding needed to build houses, I'm sure there's a way but I don't know what it is.

2) It's my brother-in-law who works as a carpenter who builds houses. I am just unskilled "helping hands" labor if and when I've helped him work. And right now he's working on a big project for a local public entity. Maybe I can talk to my brother-in-law and maybe he'll have some idea how to apply for the federal funds someday to work on building houses for homeless people.

So, I don't really personally have all the expertise, I'd heavily be relying on my brother-in-law to figure out if this is something HE wants to do.

It would have been much easier for me to earn my millions and for me to just talk to my brother directly with my own funding.  There's a big ???? in my mind on how to access federal funding to do the same thing.

And 3) I have NEVER learned to drive, nor can I afford to learn, nor can I afford a car, nor a truck, nor insurance ---- not on just AiSH.


A big part of it is just getting funding to do things. The other part of it is seeing if my brother-in-law would want to work on such a project after finishing his current project.



Soooo:: An unexpected construction supplies catalog appeared in the mailbox for me out of the blue ----- another thing I need to build houses for homeless people to understand how to get the funding.


And it would be my brother-in-law doing and organizing the heavy work anyway. I am unskilled labor when it comes to construction, and I have minimal experience personally.


That's ONLY IF I really am being urged to actually house the homeless people. That's the one and only reason I can think of why such a catalog would be sent to me ------ but another part of me realized there could have been a completely different reason that I have no clue about.


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So I'm just really excited to be playing guitar now. It is actually SO MUCH FUN!!!!


My good sister is going to learn and teach her own kids about playing Ukelele.

My bad sister is having her daughter learn piano. (better equipment and playing area than what I had too) ------

I can only dream how this might turn out if we have a guitar, 3 ukeleles, and a piano.  That's a long way down the road though.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

I Am Learning Guitar!

Today a courier delivered an acoustic "Maestro by Gibson" guitar to my house.

I opened it up, tuned it, and got started on a Youtube lesson video.

I did the first few lessons in one sitting, and then some practice in a second sitting. Not so much "sitting" actually --- I'm finding that I prefer to stand.

I know two chords now, and I just need some practice to figure out the skills or the best way to switch between the two of them.

I know A Major and E Major.

I feel so cool ----- and this is more fun than the piano lessons I originally tried in my first musical endeavors.


This might be because I have the "perfect" equipment to play with - in the perfect space to play it in right with my guitar ----- while my equipment and playing area was not so great when I was trying piano.

It's fun, it's cool.


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On a side note:::: I now notice how the Apple App store is seemingly tailor-made to your usage style.

What I mean is:::: I was a writer for a while, so the App Store would advertise apps like Scrivener and iA Writer -----

but now that I've downloaded a tuner for iOS, when I opened the app store to do an update --- a music app called "Capo" was right there at the top for us musical people.

I didn't use to see music apps there. So, I guess the app store has some tailoring it the advertising.


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Anyway ---- it's lots of fun to strum the guitar and play the two chords I know ---- it definitely exercise! And that's good!

Just need to learn my chords well enough that  I should be able to quickly switch between them when playing.

I am so happy and excited now to do be doing this. Thank God.



You'd think I could have bought a guitar long ago ------


I grew up poor, my brother learned some guitar in school but he couldn't keep it and my parents didn't buy him one --- much like they never bought us a Nintendo.

I suppose if I didn't waste so much money gambling then maybe I could have easily bought this long ago:::: but with the gambling as part of my budget, there have been times when I've needed every dollar available to me in order to get by -------- and even now the only reason I'm able to afford this is because of an ex-Premier who increased my disability payments and the fact that I am now paying off my debts every month and am going to try to stop going into debt altogether now.



So:::: for so long I wouldn't have been able to afford it with my budget. Now I've got minimal debt, a positive net worth, and I figured I could just sneak this guitar into being afforded.


What do I plan on doing as a musician?

I mostly intend just to play for myself and my family at this point. If I get really good maybe I'll create some of my own songs, and maybe sell those songs for bitcoin on this website. Who knows.

:)

Monday, July 9, 2018

Interesting News

Today I did a single search on a single search engine (not Google) for my ebooks, checking how the pirating is going.

To my surprise::: I couldn't find a single pirating site with my book(s) listed.

Amazing.


A few hours later, or a while later, I got a phone call from a  number I did not recognize.

As per usual with numbers I don't recognize, I screened it.  The answering machine message was just a "BEEP!"


I looked up the number online.


Georgia Area Code. Seeing the name "Georgia" as the location of the area code reminded me of how my preferred font when publishing my books was Georgia.


I found a phone website that said the caller was a publisher.


I looked up the publisher's website::::


A Georgian Self-Publisher who I had not heard of before was what phoned me.


Though interesting, and though I do have most of another manuscript here, I'm not sure I really want to publish anything again right now.


But yeah::: I got a phone call, screened it, and now I'm wondering since it involves book publishing.


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In other news, last Friday I ordered my first guitar online. I'm waiting for it to come from a courier.


I'm going to train myself to play guitar, watching youtube videos and watching the instructional discs that come with the guitar.

It's finally about time I did that I think. :) I did it on a whim, I just randomly felt like suddenly buying a guitar. Anyway.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Another way to be wrong no matter what

I realized something now, with my recent blog post and all the complaining on Youtube about 'prosperity preachers'.


It doesn't matter what the preacher does in regards to work and finances::: they're wrong.



As I illustrated in my last blog post::::  If a preacher preaches the "service" gospel which can easily be renamed the "slavery" gospel ----- then they get damned for preaching slavery.


But if the preacher teaches paying money for work, then that preacher could easily get damned for being a "prosperity" preacher.


In the Book of Mormon, the righteous prosper. And then they usually eventually fall and get damned.



While slavery is just as frowned upon by society.


I'm sitting here going ??????


How is a preacher supposed to deal with that?  If they preach "service" then I'd damn them for slavery,


While if they preach paid work, they get damned for being prosperity preachers.


Where's the middle ground where your not a slave or underpaid but you are also not being damned for your prosperity???


It seems like an unwinnable-situation here.


Damned if you do, damned if you don't.



If your a preacher who gets paid for your work, but they keep you on the bare-minimum of payment ------- can that really be referred to as a "successful ministry"?  I don't know -- I'm maybe not experienced enough with that sort of thing ---------



If I am considered a minister with the book s I've written, I definitely don't FEEL successful without getting paid, and being on the bare minimum of AiSH I do kind of wish I could work for more.


How am I supposed to be a traveling preacher to the nations on AiSH-only? I guess I'd need to discover teleportation or something.

I guess it might be simply a matter of preference::: You get what you ask for. And you may be wrong no matter how you ask for it.

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In other news, I was having thoughts like:

So::: the church leaders put so much pressure on me to serve a mission, and the church turned out not to be true ---- So why on earth are some people so obsessed with saying these leaders can't be criticized?


IF the church was true::: then why can't the leaders be criticized for forcing me on drugs for believing in the miracles they told me to believe in?


Obviously, something was very wrong with what I experienced at church ------ but there appears to have been an absolute demand that they can't be criticized for it.



I guess maybe part of the problem is true believers or true Christians versus people who don't actually believe and are just there for the culture.

Another problem::: Even though Joseph Smith Jr obviously got it wrong, why then are there somehow actual magical miracles in the church anyways?




Anyway, the main point of this post is to say how sad it is we damn preachers for slavery on one end, and damn them for prosperity on the other -------- and how the middle ground of being on AiSH leaves a traveling-preacher like me wanting so much more.

Monday, July 2, 2018

On LDS "Service Work"

It's been a while since my last post ---- and I really struggled to come up with something else to say.

But a topic did come into my mind, so this is what I have to say:::::




When I was growing up in the LDS/Mormon church, we were taught to live by following a concept known as "Service Work".



"Service work" is a classic example of the LDS Church changing the definitions of words again.


In Letters to Whomever, if I remember correctly, I think at least twice I mentioned or made reference to a desire I had to "work for free".


This desire to work for free was basically the LDS Church's influence in my life, I almost have to wonder if I was hypnotized to say those words --------


Because in LDS Mormonism, "Service Work" is the term or phrase the church would use to describe someone freely giving of their time and efforts.


I believe my patriarchal blessing said I should give freely of my time and efforts.



So:::::


In Mormonism:::: Service work = working for free.

In Regular society::::: Service work can be taxed, which means it's not free.



Mormonism's "service work" is basically what regular people call "slavery" ---- the Mormons just call it something different than usual.


Just like how it's "Sacred" not "secret" or definitions of the word "forgive" that change every few decades.



The truth is, my family really tried to follow Mormonism for quite a while ------ and what happened?


My Dad and I both worked on different software projects in different computer eras ------ and we were not paid much at all -----------   so we were essentially much poorer than we should have been.



I suppose the fact I didn't get paid by OUYA is kind of OK seeing as how I get plenty of disability from the provincial government -------



But in reality ---------- If the LDS Church wants to be so darned supportive of capitalism as Ezra Taft Benson said they are ------- then they of all people should have understood the concept of paying people for their work.



Anyway ---------- I'm just noting my frustration about all the work we would do growing up and how we practically didn't get paid.


We were always so poor despite our efforts.



And then the church would actually take 10% of the income we did have away from us.



SO::: we were doing all this work for free, living very poor, and what income we do have the church then takes an additional 10% of that.




What I'm saying is:::::  Economically the LDS Church is a really, really bad plan or bad idea.



You have to do normal work at a regular job on top of doing all this free work, and what you do get paid they take 10%.



Then, when you're like me, you've got to:::

1) Service Work
2) Church
3) Church Activities (like regular morning seminary)
4) School
5) Homework
6) Get a regular job to pay for a mission
7) Pay to serve a mission
8) Pay 10% of your income to the church


Basically:::: There aren't enough days in the week to do everything you're supposed to do.



It's OK to do some work for free ----- but anyone with a brain should be able to tell that everyone needs to live their lives and make their livelihood ------ which means you'd sure as heck better be working for money.



SO:::: when I grew up in Mormonism, I was brainwashed by this idea called "Service Work".


"Service Work" was basically just re-named "slavery" that you had to do on top of your regular tithing.


I grew up very poor, and with all the crap that was going on it started becoming very hard to do any work at all (with my mental state) much less spend time working for free AND for money to serve a mission.


Basically, I was being overworked, overly mistreated, and I lost my mind. And I was quite poor for most of that time.


Anyway:::::  I recommend throwing the LDS Doctrine of "service work" out the window now:::: (in contrast to me in my old book saying I felt like "working for free" -------


When you work, try to get paid!! at least enough to live on!!



And yeah, this is basically just what I had on my mind ----- I was looking for something to say after all this time.







And in other news, my Mother has finally retired from her job ------ and because I've never received payment from OUYA and I barely got paid anything by my book publishers ------- everyone in my family now will be on retirement or disability of some sort.



So it's just too bad people wouldn't pay me for books or OUYA ----- because if people did pay me that would have facilitated me and encouraged me to keep working.


So:::: If I'm not writing books or OUYA ----- then what am I doing???  I'm not really sure right now------- but I can only imagine that it would have been better for everyone if I had something good and peaceful to do that I got paid for rather than not getting paid and then having nothing to do, and no products to provide besides this blog.