With how my book and video game are entitled "The Eagle's SORE" and "PFHONGE", and how I was supposed to be a real somebody in the LDS Church someday according to my Patriarchal Blessing ------- you just have to wonder how much I could really get involved or accomplish with the latest callings of Elder Gong and Elder Soares to the twelve apostles of the LDS Church.
But then, if I were to be an LDS person -------- it's like the church constantly faces lawsuits from all the things that have gone wrong and may go wrong.
I'm in a position where I could have been given a real headache by all the problems ------
but I also see the problems myself and have been tempted to declare my own lawsuit at least once in my life. (not that I know anything about declaring lawsuits).
The fact simply remains::::: Whether I am PRO-LDS or ANTI-LDS ------- I already have some idea that I personally will be considered wrong on either side of the debate. I can't really take a position on either side and still be completely "innocent" either way. It's sad, but I understand that I'll be wrong no matter which side I might try to take.
SO:::::: the church is a mixed bag. It's got good things, it's got bad things. In my mind recently I have often been flip-flopping between thinking about the good and bad. I can't make my mind up it seems about what side to really stick to sometimes.
Good things about the church::::::
Teaches some good things like "don't use tobacco" and tries to encourage "doing your best", essentially. If a Mormon really tried to follow Mormonism as it is basically laid out in the beginning ---- that is pretty much a good thing --------- always trying to keep a covenant to do the right thing or make right choices. On this level, it encourages good behavior. This is a pretty good thing.
It also provides fun activities for members to participate in. That's OK too.
And there definitely seemed to be a real and valid miraculous force or power in the church.
Questionable things about the church:::::
I'm not even going to talk about all the ways Joseph Smith Jr screwed up here.
Yesterday I was wondering about what exactly it was the LDS Church personally wanted me to do.
What I mean is::::::
I suffer or suffered from a very strong sex drive for much of my grown life.
I wasn't allowed to date or marry 2 different females ---- but I wasn't allowed to masturbate either.
If I wasn't allowed to date or marry 2 possible choices ------- and if I wasn't allowed to masturbate to deal with those strong urges -------- then what exactly was I supposed to be doing??????
I was asking my Dad this question ------ the problem is unanswerable and is indefensible it seems like.
The church would so quickly forgive the leadership that made these decisions in my life -----
but then they would torment me about being a normal male with normal urges.
What exactly was I supposed to do with all my sexual energy???
Tormented for masturbating.
DIsallowed to date and marry two potential spouses.
What exactly was I supposed to be doing then???? The two options that would be the least painful weren't allowed either way.
So it's just really confusing.
SO, I can see the good things in the church, but I also see the bad things in the church.
I'm in a unique position where I would almost want to declare my own lawsuit, but I could have ended up on the wrong end of that lawsuit if my life had played out differently.
And I realize I'm going to be wrong on either side of the argument.
So, that's just too bad for me I guess.