Saturday, June 2, 2018

"Good" Schizophrenia and "Bad" Schizophrenia

In mental health clinics, you hear about "positive" and "negative" symptoms, but those are just things that are there that weren't there before or things that were there which are now gone.

They say that 'Schizophrenia' is a "catch-all" term that refers to many different things that may be going on.  It's actually a big umbrella of problems.

In this post, I'm going to explain what I think of as "bad" schizophrenia versus "good" schizophrenia. This is not a professional doctor opinion, this is just my opinion as a patient with experiences.

Back when I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia, the psychiatric team tried showing me the then-new movie "A Beautiful Mind".

I was being told I was schizophrenic back then, but what I was experiencing back then didn't seem very beautiful. It was just downright messed up what I was going through.

That's "bad" schizophrenia.

Bad schizophrenia likely includes the asocial behavior and the patient is generally just going through a very bad experience.

But more recently I've learned what a "beautiful" mind' may have been referring to.

What I am now experiencing these days is "good" schizophrenia ---- I'm hallucinating clearly, like, repeatedly over and over again experiencing things which I would refer to as "magical" ---- but it's not bad or messed up and it's even a happy and positive experience.

There's the sad/bad schizophrenia, where you are unhappy and messed up,

and there's the good/happy schizophrenia, where you see angels and life seems beautiful.

After yesterday's post, I went out with my Dad and brother in the night to pick up my Mom from work.

Just standing alone on our street in the dark, it became clear how beautiful the "Beautiful Mind" can be. There was a female voice talking about something (she never appeared) --- the beat of a drum (never appeared either) ------ and I looked down the street, down the sidewalk, where I saw two firey-bright figures light up, standing next to each other, and then very quickly dim down back into invisibility.

The whole experience was magnificent.  This is good schizophrenia.

Under normal conditions for the past so long I've been picking up my Mom, this would NEVER have happened. Something really truly is different now.

The most amazing thing about last night was just seeing the two really bright guys.

You might think they were headlights, but they were on the wrong side of the road and were standing on the sidewalk ----- clearly I was "hallucinating" --- but it was actually beautiful and I was not afraid.

Basically, at a distance, they looked like two bright and firey angels standing there. Only appearing briefly and motionless.

And then::::: I had a magical experience today.

I was at the mall. I had some food, then went to the washroom. As I was washing my hands, I had my hand under the soap dispenser to get some soap ---- NO SOAP DISPENSED --- but the towel dispenser next to the soap dispenser was activated --- FOR NO REASON.

So::: I tried activating the soap, the soap did nothing, it was the towels that activated.  I went to a different soap dispenser.

Now, this might seem like a gag, which it might've been ---- but it was pretty magical and strange to experience and kind of illustrates the kind of mental dysfunction a person with schizophrenia might experience.


If the Number 23 illustrates mental health issues (or more notably The Book of Finch)::::: then I guess you could sort of refer to that as a distortion of my life as a "bad" schizophrenic.  Just bad experiences and messed up things going on.

The depiction is me trying to be a good person, but things inevitably going wrong anyways, and generally just having a bad time for quite a while. That's bad schizophrenia.

Beautiful Mind schizophrenia or good schizophrenia is when your hallucinations actually do make the world look wonderful and you feel very happy and comfortable with what you are experiencing.

The best thing I can say about how to get from bad to good is just to engage regularly in good habits. That's the best advice I can give.

From my spiritual perspective, I believe that words have power.  So, if you say good words, then your life will be good. If you say bad words, then your life will be bad.

Jesus said, "What comes out of your mouth is what defiles you".

Say good things!!

On top of that:::

Do good things!!

Avoid bad things!!

it really might be that simple.

I'm in good condition now because I've been saying good and doing good as much as I can -----

While my childhood was steeped in negativity which is likely what caused me to be so messed up when I finally became an adult.

So:::: If you are going to be schizophrenic, be positive, be good, and your schizophrenia might actually turn out to be an enjoyable experience.

This is only assuming that the doctors will invariably call the seeing of angels and mystical beauty a hallucination or delusion, essentially schizophrenia.

it's quite possible that if you have taken care of your whole life well and are having a good life if you see angels, you might never get diagnosed because you are always having a good time, despite clearly not being in regular reality. Maybe. I just a guess.

Mental illness is really a problem when it just becomes a negative experience. And, like I said, that happens when people aren't being excellent to each other.

So::: Be Excellent to each other!

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