My Dad can't even try to care about things on my mind that I might want to discuss, so I'm going to try to talk about what's on my mind here.
1) I was one of the smartest students at school.
2) I think I became a target because of my high grades, so my life became miserable.
3) The LDS Church told me I'd witness and perform miracles.
4) Members of the LDS Church mistreat me, and the misery of life gets to me, so I descend into despair and my grades drop.
5) The church sends me to a psychiatrist where I am diagnosed with schizophrenia, especially because the church started me to believe I could work miracles.
6) At some point, a top church leader announced that intellectuals are a threat to the church.
6) I am being drugged for my belief in miracles, in an effort to try to increase my grades, and the church supports this. (which is weird because you'd think the church would want me with low grades and a strong belief in miracles ---- this is kind of counter-intuitive how they are treating me)
7) Actual science indicates that antipsychotics (drugs) do not actually cure schizophrenia --- so it's weird that the church wanted me to believe in something, started forcing me on drugs for believing it, and then the drugs aren't even really a cure.
8) The church stake president who became an area 70 tells me that antipsychotic drugs are a special blessing for my mind.
9) I am confused by this because the drugs are unhealthy, they don't actually cure schizophrenia, and the church told me to believe those crazy things in the first place. Heck, the church was the reason I was depressed.
Anyway ---- it's just really confusing.
I'm not quite actually sure what it is the church really wants. (The LDS Mormon Church).
They want me to believe in miracles.
They want me to be dumb.
So I believe in miracles and I become dumber.
Then they forced me on drugs for believing in miracles in an effort to increase my grades.
The drugs are not an actual cure for schizophrenia.
I am just really confused::::: it makes absolutely ZERO sense the decisions the church is making.
You can recover from schizophrenia::: and drugs aren't even 100% necessary to do this,
and at this point, the cure for schizophrenia largely seems based on just getting away from the LDS Mormon Church.
I don't know why drugs were so necessary for me to be fixed of schizophrenia when all I really needed was an intellectual understanding that the church wasn't really helping.
It's just weird how being too smart was wrong, but I was forced on drugs for becoming dumber -- and the drugs aren't even a cure!!
That is just a bit strange.
Anyway, I hope I have clearly depicted with this writing just how wrong things are.
There is just something so wrong with the church and even society in general when this sort of thing is what goes on.
It makes zero sense.
But hey, this a church that:
a) Tells you to be like God/Jesus
b) God and Jesus cannot look upon sin with any allowance so they destroy cities for their wickedness.
c) A priest's and teacher's duty is to make sure there is no iniquity in the church.
D) YOU ARE REQUIRED TO FORGIVE ALL MEN!!!!
Yes!!! What the hell????
To be honest, it's clear why I became schizophrenic and lost my mind I think. And I am recovering now that I understand how wrong life and society is.
So it's just too bad that my Dad can't let me speak freely about this at home, and my Mom and Sisters and their families go around seeming to have no clear idea how messed up these problems are.
I just don't understand.
It's like someone really, really screwed up somewhere.
It's like AiSH is just here to help and compensate me because I was born into idiocy and I'm not really allowed to change anything about it. Huh.