Saturday, May 26, 2018

Strange Psychology - My brain is being weird

Last Wednesday when I went in to see the psychiatrist, when I met the nurse she said something about how I seem like a totally different person today.

We had barely just met in that moment, but she could somehow already detect a difference.

I've started wearing suspenders a few weeks ago to keep my new pants up --- that's a difference that makes me look quite a bit different I'm sure even if most of my clothes are still the same.

But as for my brain ---- well, this is just going to be weird now.

On the Tuesday before last Wednesday --- I was sitting in my well-padded executive chair (OK --- so my regular chair at this desk broke because I weigh so much, so I guess because I was basically having my own business when I was at OUYA or just because this is the only chair that holds my weight, my Mom bought me an executive desk chair - yes, it was pricey, like 4 or 5 hundred dollars) -- I was sitting in my chair and I felt like I had suddenly become a new person, like I was posessed with a new spirit or something, like the guy I've been for the past several years wasn't even the real me.

It was weird.

It's even weirder that I would have those feelings one day, and the next day when I saw my doctor, without barely talking the nurse already somehow noticed a difference.

I'm not exactly sure what it is about me that's making my brain do this --- whether is chemical or spiritual -------

but today I'm sitting around and I feel like someone is trying to suck all the information I learned for the past several years out of my brain and trying to make me forget a lot of my experiences.

I basically feel like the good student I once was before I became schizophrenic --- like I am really, really recovering, except this time without all the negativity around me ------

but the really weird thing is how OUYA, for a long time was something I really enjoyed and it seemed just like yesterday ---- but all of the sudden those memories seem to be very distant like it wasn't actually me who experienced them.

In the past years, I've learned all kinds of stuff about the economy and central banking and all that ---- and Poof! It's like someone is trying to suck that information out of my head so I'll forget.

I like feeling like I was before I was ill ---- but I do not like forgetting all my good memories of everything I learned and enjoyed.

So::: I'm not fully sure what's going on in my head, it's like I'm a different person now and my nurse immediately recognized it. I don't know why the memories from the past several years seem so distant --- I don't want to lose everything I learned.

The good part is I feel like I'm happy and healthy again. Like I'm recovering from the disease.

Not sure what's going on --- if it's some kind of spiritual possession phenomena or if it's some kind of abnormal psychology thing.

One thing I know however is THE LAW OF ATTRACTION --- So if people, if even en masse, are praying for me to become or be something that I wasn't previously --- then there's a high chance it's going to happen.

 I know this because I was a really good student ----- but all the children around me for quite a while, even my own sisters, didn't care about keeping me a good student.  Basically, people were trying to tear me down, and it's like all the negative energy caused some spiritual force to make me lose my mind.

And now I'm back to being happy and all that ----- and the real point is just how weird it is how distant my memories from the past several years are.

And that's all I have to say. I guess.

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