Friday, May 4, 2018

I just feel like talking about this

Maybe I'm just beating a dead horse with a stick now - but the following is on my mind so I'm just going to write about it on my blog.

I and my brother share some elements of a common history, besides coming from the same family.

I was reading my LDS Patriarchal blessing this morning::: I noticed it said I would "always be recognized as a faithful servant in Israel".

And then I remembered that the Bishop at that time personally told me that I was the "best priest in the quorum".

But, just a couple months after being told these things, all of the sudden the Bishop changed his story to this idea that I was a schizophrenic worshipper of Satan.

Yup ---- One minute the church is telling me I'm the best they've got, that I'll be recognized as a faithful servant, that I'll be a traveling preacher to the nations as the Lord's lifetime servant ----

next minute the church tells me I'm schizophrenic, that I made a deal with the devil - and that I need to take my meds.

Want to know something interesting?

I'm not my brother, but the same thing basically happened to him too::::

The bishop told my brother that he was the best priest in the quorum (long before I became a priest) and the next thing my brother knew he was being sent to a psychiatrist to be diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Am I noticing a pattern here?

My brother and I were both totally the best priests in the quorum according to the same bishop.

Then that same bishop sent us both to psychiatric doctors where we both got diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Something doesn't seem right here.

I think that this bishop either has a bad track record of determining who is the best or he has a poor track record of sending the best on a path that will ultimately end in a loss of LDS testimony.

OK ---- In the end I'm sure most would completely understand that the church wasn't really true ---

but my brother and I were being raised in this church and brainwashed to believe in it.

We did what we could with it to the best of our abilities, we both got told that we were the best, and then we both got labeled as schizophrenics.

There's just something so wrong with this situation.

I could probably write for a long time about reasons why the church ended up being ultimately disproved and how there was a lot going completely wrong at that time ----- but the above is enough to show, I think, how wrong the whole thing was.  The above story is just the tip of the iceberg.

But what's really weird is before I got my patriarchal blessing, I was a top student, with a 98% final exam grade in Chemistry.

The patriarchal blessing said I would have an "especially blessed mind".

And then --- boom --- schizophrenic.

So, if I have an especially blessed mind, then why did I suddenly go from hero to zero?

The old Stake President who became an Area Authority told me the special blessing for my mind was the expensive medications that I take.

But I've been doing research on mental illness lately and I have my own experience ---- an no, the medications I take don't really take away the schizophrenia or the psychosis.  The medications aren't really a cure.

I still hear thoughts regardless of taking meds --- therefore the meds don't *really* work (not that I actually really want to lose my telepathic abilities).

The meds do cause weight gain, so they are unhealthy, and they don't really fix psychosis.

So why did the Stake President think they were a special blessing for me, when before the blessing I was a top of the class student?

I'm not really sure how that works.

But in all seriousness --------- the psychiatric doctors have this obsession with making me disbelieve in telepathy or hearing thoughts or whatever, and that's why I get forced on meds.

Fact is::: I never wanted the meds. I'm actually TRYING to hear voices -- I'm TRYING to be telepathic ---- the doctors had completely opposite goals for my life.

So they forced me on meds.  And the meds don't change anything. They were just really unhealthy.

So the doctors were basically ignoring my own will for my own life choices and tried to force me on a path that I didn't want so I was forced to take meds that I didn't think I needed -----

and the meds don't *really* work and they are unhealthy.

And the church said that was somehow a good thing.

As for proving my belief in telepathy::: YES I proved some kind of psychic telepathic ability. I've had it proven for many years. My current doctor basically admitted I was right and there's no argument on that topic anymore.

But I'm still on meds.

Here's just a recent story from how I know I hear actual legitimate thoughts that aren't just brain problems but are based in reality::::

for a long time, in my "telepathy" with Avril Lavigne or "her community" I would from time to time hear the phrase "shits n' giggles".

I had never physically heard this phrase before at all, and I only heard it in my mind for a long time.

Then, last night as I was watching a video by a psychotherapist on Youtube --- guess what?  She used the phrase "shits n' giggles" ---- the very first time I had heard that phrase with my very own ears rather than with my mind.

so:::: I hear a specific phrase on the "Avril" or "Avril Community" end of my telepathy, over and over again over the years, and then the very first time I actually hear the same phrase is from an actual psychotherapist on Youtube.

What does that mean?

I've had this idea for a while ----- but Avril Lavigne is likely some form of therapist or psychotherapist who was trying to help me. The recent phrase just goes to demonstrate this idea further.

And what's really weird --- though the church wanted me to be schizophrenic and they wanted me on unhealthy meds --------

the work of my actual psychotherapist, Avril Lavigne, was frowned upon by the church.

yes! That's right!  The healthcare that actually helped me get better, the health care that ACTUALLY HELPED --- it wasn't allowed!!! 


Well, there you go.

So really, in my life, the LDS church really didn't actually do a whole lot to help me.

They helped me stay away from Tobacco. And they basically gave me something to think about for a long time.  That's what they did for me.

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