Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Frustration and Regrets

I feel like venting my frustration or regrets, but I know if I talk to my Dad, then my Dad will just interrupt, argue, not stay objective and try to end the discussion.

If I try to talk to my Mom, then invariably my Dad will get involved anyway ---- so I turn to my blog.

I used to be one of the top students in school. I got awards for my abilities, I got really high grades.

I've been learning about metaphysical laws.

The Law of Attraction: You get what you ask for.
Karma: You get what you give.
Gratitude: You get more of what you are grateful for and less of what you are not.

So:: I was a really good student.

But my sisters and their friends wanted me to be insane. Just short months before my diagnosis with Schizophrenia, my sisters had a party where they and their friends were deliberately trying to drive me to mental illness.

They didn't care that I was one of the best students --- they weren't grateful that I could have become something really useful and brilliant in my future.

They squandered my intelligence by demanding me to be mentally ill.

They were not grateful for my schooling, so we lost my schooling.

They were asking for severe mental illness::: so I became severely mentally ill.

That is just the first regret I want to talk about.

The second is this:::

When I published The Book of Finch, I had all the possibility in the world to sell many copies and become wealthy, more or less.

But, again, my Dad has no idea how to handle the law of attraction, so:::

After I bought something a bit expensive (but I still had quite a bit left) he was all like "YOU ARE GOING TO RUN OUT OF MONEY!!!"

OMG. You will not believe how upsetting that was. I am sitting here selling a product, all the potential for my future is at my fingertips, and I still have funding available:::: and here my Dad is misusing the Law of Attraction to tell me I'm going to run out of money.


Well, the scriptures say you get what you ask for, and it would be bad if my Dad made a false prophecy,

So I did end up losing all my money at one point ---- but only after my brother-in-law's bank account was cleared out by a thief, just shortly after my Dad made that declaration.

Yes ----- there is something really stupid about my family, we can't be grateful for my good shooling and we have to drive the good student insane, while we can't hope for the best on my project and we have to tell ourselves to run out of money.

These are some of the stupidest things we have done I think.

And after all these years of writing books and selling video games::: it turns out my Mom DOESN'T even actually want me to be rich, she doesn't want me to be a millionaire.

We have sabotaged ourselves so badly.

And, finally, here's my story of a bit of weirdness from the LDS Church I made mention of from a few days ago:

My Bishop told me I was the best priest in the quorum.

A teacher's and priest's duty is to make sure there is no iniquity in the church.

So, having found some serious iniquity in the church, I take it to church litigation so it will be dealt with.

I just get told that I have to forgive them and if I don't then I'll be condemned of the greater sin.

So:::: there are TWO points of contradiction here I want to point out:::

1) I went from the best priest in the quorum, to be the worst sinner, simply because I was doing my duty of making sure there's no iniquity in the church. WTH?

2) How am I supposed to make sure there's no iniquity in the church if I'm always having to forgive everything???

THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!! No wonder I'm schizophrenic.

But yeah ---- I rely on blogging and email to discuss my problems because I only get 15 minutes every 3 weeks with my doctor,

and it's very difficult to discuss anything with my family because my Dad just argues, interrupts, won't stay objective and always tries to just end the discussion. It's so bloody annoying, and frustrating.

And what's sad, is that even though the Law of Attraction and Gratitude (and maybe Karma?) are 100% scriptural concepts, my Dad rejects the ideas.

I know he's always saying "Trust Christ!!" ----- but then he doesn't accept the basic concept of how reality works based on actual scriptures.  It's so friggin pathetic.

And then there's my Mom::::

I explain to her the Law of Attraction, but for some reason, she's under the impression that the people who teach metaphysical laws are atheists who reject and do not recognize God.

I had to repeatedly explain to her that the Law of Attraction is BASED ON SCRIPTURE.

"Ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you".

The Joseph Smith version "If ye be purified and cleansed from all sin, you shall ask whatsoever you will in the name of Jesus and it SHALL BE DONE".

I mean:::: It doesn't take a genius to realize that The Law of Attraction is highly based on God and scripture,

and yet my very religious mother thought they didn't respect God,

while my Dad who loves "Trust Christ!" doesn't even actually believe in the basic concept!!!

Friggin hell.

What am I living for anyway?

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