Tuesday, March 20, 2018

What's next?

I just a moment ago looked at my most recent and last email from Annie Liability, my version of ballerinagirl.

She was never really certain of why or who was responsible for the decision of how she and I had to end our friendship------

all she had was some vague idea that I wasn't mentally stable at that time.


About my mental stability at that time:::::
She's right, I was starting to lose my mind at that time, and here's some reasons:
1) Grandma's Ghost Sexually Molested Me, making me addicted to sin
2) My Dad is constantly unemployed and there's no money.
3) My brother is a lunatic
4) My sister is trying to drive me crazy
5) My Dad believes someone was vandalizing our transportation and that's driving him crazy
6) The previous bullying at school left a bad taste in my mouth
7) My Mom was screaming at me not to play video games, so now I can't unwind from all my school work.

I'm not even sure if the above list is a full representation of every problem I faced back then ----- but yes, just from telling Ballerinagirl about my life, she must've realized I was not in a good mental condition. And I wasn't.

So:::: She had some justification for leaving me, but only sort of-----

Because she was my friendly emotional support at that time -------

Her parents were SOOO PISSED at me for being friends with her.


So::: what we have here, is mentally unstable me, living in complete hell ----- and for no real explained reason now Annie's parents were getting pissed at me too, taking away my friendly emotional support.

Annie could have helped me keep some kind of mental stability if she was my friend ----- but what her parents did was push me over a cliff.

Things went from bad to so much worse.  Are her parents really justified in how they treated me?

Taking someone who is living in hell and then treating him horribly? I don't know.

Maybe Annie needed to avoid me to keep herself out of my hell ----- but the way her parents treated me pushed me deeper into hell.



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Anyway -- so my LDS Patriarchal blessing basically outlines my deal with God where in exchange for exaltation I would serve God for the rest of my life.

The Stake President long ago said someone from my stake would be an apostle.

So:::: Am I going to become an apostle???

Well::::: There's a big problem with me fulfilling my patriarchal blessing, and it's this::::

The church ignored me.

if the millions of church members had paid me for my work, then yeah, then I could get to work and be a church leader if God so chose -----

But, fact is, plain and simple:::: People just didn't pay me for my work, so I can't even go to church on Sundays.

The church, the people who should have provided me with support, just didn't pay me for my work. I can't afford to do church leader things.

There are two vacancies in the apostles which will probably be filled this weekend ----

but fact is I can't even afford to get myself to Salt Lake City.

If the church just wasn't going to support my business, then no, I'm not going to fulfill my patriarchal blessing and be the apostle the patriarch said I'd be.

So why'd the church betray me? Well ---- basically, in all my time with those people, there was usually something completely wrong with how the people operated. And then they can't be criticized for their problems, even though they're supposed to be humble.

But yeah:::: it's a problem when someone decides to treat a mentally unstable person like shit and then the church won't discipline the behavior. And that's just ONE issue.

But hey, I guess the whole church didn't give a shit about me ----- people just wouldn't pay for my work, or donate anything ------ and now I can't afford to fulfill my patriarchal blessing.

Oh well. Somehow the church just turned against me I guess ----- starting with big problems growing up that the church never really fixes and now I'm not even going to be the servant I was supposed to be.

Whatever.

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