Monday, March 12, 2018


Today I spoke to my police officer brother in law.

Remember how my sisters told me to be crazy, and then didn't care about the logic of how right or wrong that was and continued being Mormons anyway and attending the temple?

I didn't talk directly to my sister or her husband about that ------

But he told me that he's not much of a scriptorian (< is that a word only Mormons use?) and how most of God and Religion is to him is basically a vague idea or reminder to be a good person.

Well, if that's what he likes, then that's what he likes, I'm not going to try to interfere with that.

He has his interests, and it was just me who delved deeper into the studies.

Mostly, my Dad gives me very, very heavy warnings, and basically is trying to hypnotize me, not to discuss religion outside of our household --- and not even with my Mom.

My Dad is in my mind, reminding me "don't say anything about this stuff".

It's not a secret what I know ----- but it's "volatile" information, and basically I just try to keep my Dad happy by not talking to Mormons about their own church.

It's kind of crazy how you want to set them free, but at that point, anything could happen.

So, I just TRY to follow my Dad's advice.

It kind of kills me, to see my family not fully understand what they're involved with. But my Dad looms over me, censoring my mouth.

I am very much understanding of many things many prominent atheists have said ---- there is obviously something very wrong with man's concepts of God and many religions ----------

But I am NOT an atheist. Somehow, I actually managed to learn truthfully for myself that there really is something greater in our world or the universe.

I would love to talk about how I know this ----- but at that point people might accuse me of flaunting unrealistic claims and I'd probably be relegated to the "nonsense" section in many people's minds.

The church said I'd witness miracles --- miracles have happened ------ but there are so many problems when dealing with people about it --- especially with other Mormons.

There is just so much evidence for God in my opinion. I could make claims, people might just take issue with those claims though.

I wrote "The Book of Finch" ----- the first reviewer said I was crazy.

In a sense I am crazy ----- but I am closer to sane than you might think IMO.  It's actually the church that was crazy --- and I was just being raised in and brainwashed with the church.

Everyone has their own opinion.

I know what I know.

yeah ---- basically if I tell the truth, history says people will just argue with me about my experiences.

If I try to sell a book, I'll just be told I'm crazy even if I was telling the truth ----- and then I won't even get paid.

On a side note-----  I looked for my books online again, looking for ebook downloads ------ these days there is no legitimate way to download any ebook of my books -------- only paperbacks -------

But the information I found about how much distribution I've apparently had said I would have quite a wad of cash if people honestly paid me.

For a disability recipient in Canada:::: I'd be rich if people actually honestly paid me for my work. Just looking at how many people apparently ripped me off.

Thing is:::::: I now know I can expect that most people just will not pay -------- and my LDS upbringing hammered it into my head to "forgive everyone".

Truth is, forgiving someone in Mormonism isn't what you think it is,

but I don't like the way Mormons do things, so I'll just feel good about how many people were interested in my work, and I'll hopefully not condemn.

I realize I can never expect to get paid. At least I can say I tried.

The thing about living in a world where people just aren't paying for my work----- I have no desire to start a family.  I can't afford it, and the world is too dishonest for me to want my children to live in it. It's best not to put them through that pain. I know this world can suck ---- and my children will easily end up saying "I wish I was never born" ----- so, I'm thinking I'll preemptively grant that wish.

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