I'm writing this blog post on a PC that is about 10 years old - it came with Windows Vista - it now runs Linux Mint, it has 2gigabytes of RAM and a graphics processor from the early days of Intel doing video processors.
It's functional --- but I'm listening to Spotify as I write this post -- and the difficulty the machine experiences can be noticed.
As well: the old graphics just will not run more intense graphical packages -- including the Cool Retro Terminal.
I'm basically thinking about getting a new machine ---- should I replace this with the same kind of Intel NUC I use for my home server? That would be cheap ---- and Linux isn't a bad operating system -------- but I also have my eye on the Mac Minis.
The current model of Mac mini, though, is 4 years old. And it's more expensive. Without Flash in my storage, I know it's going to be pretty slow.
And I have to budget to survive and save.
Yesterday there was a legitimate bank who let me know they are willing to lend me $10,000CAD at Super-Junk interest rates.
The only good reason one should borrow money is if one is buying something that will help them make more money in the future. I learned that from a book.
So::: I have things I could do with that money with some slight hope of generating an income ----
But history tells me that people are just unwilling to vote with their wallets.
If people do vote with their wallets ---- they weren't really voting for me.
Yes ---- a bank lending to me would be risky (hence the super-junk rate) because history says people don't care to pay me for things.
People have taken thousands upon thousands of downloads from copies of my files ---- people did take my stuff, I did achieve a level of "virality" ------
but if people don't pay, I don't see why I should risk going into debt to do work that people won't pay me for.
We all know how wrong slavery is right?
So it just seems strange when I'm not being paid even the smallest prices for my efforts.
I know I said I wouldn't condemn ----- but I'm saying this to show my reasoning for why I'm not likely to try much harder in the future.
People know slavery is wrong::: so what's wrong with paying me 99cents for my work?
You vote with your wallet::: and people just weren't voting for me.
I just have to budget to survive and save. And the economy of my work stagnates.
As an afterthought, I've tried to think of explanations as to why it's so hard to get paid.
The thing is though:::: some "memories" I seem to have might be more "delusion" than "memory".
What I mean by that is there are some things which I concretely remember, and I'm pretty sure it really happened.
But my mind has some vague idea in it that long ago I might've pledged my earnings to some cause.
The problem is::::: I can think of possible causes my money would be pledged to, but I can't decide WHICH ONE would really be the real cause the money goes to ---- or if this is even really the case at all. It might all be delusional.
Like, it's possible, according to some vague level of thought, that I might've offered Avril Lavigne all my profits for her foundation. But I don't really remember - so I don't know if this is true. But --- I was in love with Avril enough that this is the sort of thing I might've been willing to do.
I'm not sure about the above supposition because I also wonder if I agreed to give all my profits to the Alberta Government.
I don't have a clear memory of this either ---- but what if during my state of mental impairment as I was signing up for AiSH that I might've agreed to give my profits to the government?
Problem is:::: I'm not sure if Avril's Foundation took it, or if the Government would have taken it ----- or if all of this is one big piece of nonsense floating around in my mind remnant from a time I felt socialism was necessary to survive for a family as messed up as my own?
It's a problem:::: I am considered mentally ill:::: but which is it, am I having memory problems, or am I suffering from a delusion?
My brain is being very vague as it tries to come up with explanations for why it's so hard to get paid.
Anyway --- who knows.