Monday, January 15, 2018

I feel panic

Maybe I'm just being mentally ill emotional about the future endeavors I'm looking at ---- but history says sometimes I feel things that represent occurrences in other places. It's kind of psychic.

I don't know if what I'm feeling is psychic or just a mental health issue about an approaching burden,

but I feel quite panicked right now.




Over the years of trying to sell product, I do realize from various sources that THOUSANDS, even maybe TENS OF THOUSANDS of my products have been distributed over time.

This blog, this website, now receives hundreds of daily visits.



And yet ----- no one ever says anything to me (usually) --- nearly all people won't or don't even pay me for anything, according to what I've supposedly been told.



And I have an idea to create my own website on my own web server ---- probably to host OUYA games or OUYA-like games for Raspberry Pi.

At first, I'd just do my own games, and maybe that's all it'll ever be ----



But hours ago I was looking at ouyaforum.com and a poster there said they had been working on an OUYA/Forge game and never got a chance to publish ----- so they were also considering the Raspberry Pi.


If things go according to plan, maybe I could help with that. maybe.


Funny thing is::: it was 6 or 7 days ago that I stated I was porting my games to RPI, and it was 6 or 7 days ago that this guy on OUYAFORUM said maybe he'd release on Raspberry Pi.


Coincidence? Or do I just have a better idea of who is watching this site?




One part of me wants to rush into setting up my own server ----- maybe this is where the panic comes from because I just finished paying for my dental implant surgery and setting up my own site will cost money. And maybe I feel I'm a bit in-over-my-head with this idea.


I calculate that if I were to switch to a business account in February that my ISP would charge me $140 in penalty for switching away from my current 2-year plan. That's not the greatest prospect. So maybe I should just take this slow and easy, as well to let my savings accumulate with each paycheque.


Or maybe people could actually try donating to me maybe? Is it too hard to send me some bitcoin?



But seriously:::: this website gets hundreds of daily hits ------ and no one ever donates, comments or writes an email. OK, I get the odd strange email, but that's not necessarily because of this site or OUYA.


Just all these visitors, but no one ever really interacts with me, so I have to guess what you people may be thinking.




I do have a bit of a paranoid mind ---- my childhood was painful enough that I can easily start suspecting that people don't like me or that I'm in some kind of trouble.


Feedback would be nice, preferably nice and positive feedback.


Otherwise, I'll be seeing all these visits, no one says anything, and I might get a little scared or paranoid.



It's supposed to be a good thing when people visit your website ----- but seriously, my life was full of trouble all those years ago, and I'm aware of many distributions with little to no payment. I just have to wonder you know?

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