Wednesday, December 27, 2017

My Final Cortex Store Update is Published

The Inter-Continental Brink of Madness (v1.6.0) is now published and available in the Cortex Store on Forge TV.

Cortex informed me a little while ago that there will be no new games or updates in the new year --- the store is being "sunsetted".

It was a lot of fun to be a Cortex/OUYA developer, and it was great to be a low-cost gamer.

If I didn't make a tonne of money on the system, at least I saved a tonne of money by playing games on that system. Yay.

In my submission of this update, I asked about finally getting paid my first cheque which would be worth over $100.

Their short response in their approval basically said they'll send me a cheque when I reach the $150 threshold.

SO: Maybe I won't make my money after all. Oh well.

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

How the Party Went

In my last post before Christmas, I said "want nothing" as a way of having everything.

When I was asked by my parents what I wanted for Christmas before Christmas, I said I needed a sweater to get me through the cold winter, and an Apple Store Gift Card to replace the battery in my iPhone.

That's all I asked for.

And then I later wrote a post that said, "want nothing".

Last year, in 2016, the best gift I remember receiving was a Java Jig and some Coffee ---- but I had to buy the Keurig myself with my Christmas money. To be honest: last year wasn't the greatest.

This year, 2017, was really good, however.

I got a sweater and two long sleeve shirts.

I got cash instead of a gift card.

I got a new fridge.

I got whole bean coffee with a new grinder.

I got lots of treats.

Anyway:::: I don't know if this was just magical, a coincidence, or what, but last year's Christmas' most memorable gift was actually pretty cheap and I had to buy the Keurig that goes with it myself:::

While this year was AWESOME.

All after I said, "Want Nothing".

Maybe I shouldn't be drawing a comparison between wanting nothing and getting all this great stuff --- but this year was way, way better than last year.

The Christmas Eve party was awesome and is also where I handed out a number of quite awesome gifts. This year was also a really good year for me gift-giving. Everyone enjoyed what I had to hand out.

Christmas was more subdued, as a lot of energy had already been spent. Then, I made a mistake and something I said came out the wrong way, so it seemed like a not-nice thing I had said.

I quickly apologized, especially as I didn't quite manage to explain exactly what I was trying to say.

My Mom wasn't happy with me about that, and she wanted me to apologize again, but I think my apology at the time was good enough --- especially as what I meant to say wasn't actually a bad thing.

It's also questionable how bad what I said really was, it just must've sounded kind of wrong.

So, I guess I'll just say "Sorry" to my carpenter brother-in-law right here: Sorry for that slip of the tongue! I actually meant to say something with different meaning, although similarly related.

So yeah, there you go::: I gave awesome gifts this year, I got awesome gifts, and we wanted for nothing.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Want Nothing

So, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Santa is coming. Time for gifts to be given and received.

There is a seeming cosmic reality I want to point out with examples from my own life:

You get what you don't want, you don't get what you want.

Why do I say this?

What did I really, really want for Christmas or birthdays as a kid? I want an iMac, I want a Power Mac, I want a Nintendo.

Did I ever get those things? Nope.

I never managed to get a game console in my home until my brother asked me if I wanted one: at that time I said "no" and then boom: new Xbox.

As a kid, I would say I wanted to be rich, but not famous.

So what happened?

I was very poor for a very long time. And as I grew up fame was thrust upon me like you wouldn't know. Without wanting it, it happened very easy, while if it's something I actually did want, it wouldn't happen, or took a very, very long time to happen.

In 2004 I wanted my friendship with Avril Lavigne to be recognized. Didn't happen, and only minutely happened after a long time.

I didn't want drugs, and I wasn't interested in money much at that time --- but what they gave me were an endless supply of medication and an assured income.

These days, I've wanted a genuine sales report with lots of reported sales.

Not happening.

I didn't want women. I gave up on women.

But I get all these emails that supposedly come from interested women. I didn't want them, but they've flocked into my email box.

I wanted sales --- but I don't get to see them.

The point is::: You get what you don't want, while you don't really get what you do want.

You might instantaneously start getting things in droves that you never wanted, while the things you did want are in very short supply.

I think the spiritual significance of this phenomenon I once heard was that to want something is just a statement of what you do not have. You say you want it, which means you don't have it, and then you don't get it.

I think the answer this year, and maybe for all our lives, is to want nothing. If you want nothing, then you have everything.

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 22, 2017

Nurse Says About 200 Car Accidents

I just deleted the 5 latest posts on this blog.

They were on a timeline where I was having a likely delusion where I thought I had met Jesus Christ.

Here's what happened as far as I can tell now:::

My Mom, who works as a nurse at a hospital, said they must've gotten at least 200 car accidents so far.

Most of those car accidents, obviously, are not reported as individual stories in the news.

I thought I had just met Jesus because there was no news story of this man's accident.

But chances are he just had a really big, really bad accident. And is comparable to Jesus because of how bad the situation is.

So yesterday, I bought lunch for a man who got really messed up in a car accident from a few days ago, he was really messed up and obviously still shaken by what happened.

He lost 3 family members.

I didn't know what to do except buy lunch for him because that's what he needed at that time.

So, this has been a very tragic holiday season for at least one family.

Before meeting this man, I had taken an antipsychotic pill to deal with potential delusions of grandeur I may have been having.


In my news-research of recent car crash stories online, looking to see if I could find a story about the man I met, I came across a news story from August.

In the August car accident news story ---- well,

the story basically said that Blaine Bananatree and I died while I was on vacation this year in a car crash. $108k was raised to help the family.

I know that seems really disrespectful to put my name in place of the person who "actually died"--- except:::

The names of the people who died were, in fact, "Blen" and "Christian".

They died near Hanna in August.

Guess what? I was vacationing near Hanna in August too.

So::: there's more to it than just that, it's enough to say there's enough comparability between this news story and my own life to make me think that I was just killed off in the newspapers.

The coincidences are too strong.  Chances of that story actually being "fake news" are quite high as far as I'm concerned because if the story had been 100% truthful, it would likely clearly be about me.

I've seen this happen before too ---- I once saw a news story that so closely resembled my father that I could only think it was news about my Dad without directly naming him.

There's a chance they write fake news about real people and real things, but they change elements of the story.

It's happened to my Dad, and it's now noted to have happened to me too.

Here's the thing:::: In my Dad's news story --- he made a tonne of money with a successful business.

In my news story:::: my Dad made a tonne of money from GoFundMe donations.

Though the two news stories were about two different things, they both related to my family, and they both said my Dad made a tonne of money.

Considering how my Dad was in line to get my payments from Razer --- well there you go.

So, maybe I will be rich some day. I can hope.

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Submitted FINAL version of ICBM for review

I wasn't going to make this update, as there was a workaround for the one bug I found ---- but then I found that offline DRM didn't work --- So I HAD to fix it.

So, I've fixed the save game bug, and I've fixed offline DRM.

And when the update is posted, that will be the end. I think.

If you have any serious urgent comments suggestions or bug reports, send them to me at or post in this blog, because Cortex store will no longer allow updates in the new year.

So, ICBM will most likely be fixed before the store closes, and then it's done.

Have a good life, everyone!

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Now this is strange

Yesterday my family and my sister's family went out and retrieved our Christmas Trees from the forest.

I also just made my final payment to the dentist for my implant.

And I found a nice big sack to carry gifts in for Christmas so I can be a bit more like Santa Claus. (I bought the sack at a store).

At midnight, I didn't feel like sleeping anymore, so I played with my PS4.  I have recently bought a new video game.  One thing I note:::: it definitely seems like, somehow, cheating is a problem in multiplayer games. There's this one guy I, in the video game, shot repeatedly with heavy weapons at close-range in the head, and he never went down. Cheaters maybe? It's really too bad.

Anyway ----- I went back to bed. I still couldn't sleep. So I came back to the living room and kitchen for a snack.

But something is strange.

My Mom's footstool is out of place. When I was playing the video game, the footstool was in a different location:::: and there's no reason it should have moved.

A chair in the kitchen is overturned and laying on the floor, but not broken. No reason that chair should be that way.

And, next to my dining table chair, I found a piece of bread sitting on the floor, with the crusts cut off in the shape of a circle --- like a bread cookie.

This makes no sense at all. It definitely seems fantastical what I'm saying, but it's the absolute truth --- between midnight video games and an early morning snack, something strange has happened.

The only other person who was up was my brother. He is mentally ill, but he's getting better ---- so I see no reason why he should have or would have done these things.

The video game acted weird, I go back to bed, back up again, and things are out of place in the house.

It really makes a guy think of Santa Claus visiting when you see stuff like this going on.

But the only non-magical explanation is that it was my brother being crazy, which doesn't even seem likely because he's been doing a lot better.

Is my brother pulling a prank?

This really doesn't make any sense. Who did this? Why?

My mind is boggled right now.

And I know it seems like a very far-fetched story, but this is absolutely true.

The clues just don't add up.

OK --- they do add up ----- but only to say that Santa came for a pre-Christmas visit, which doesn't make sense.

The footstool should never have moved. My brother wouldn't likely have moved it.

That chair has no reason to be overturned.

And I am absolutely clueless about why there was a piece of bread on the floor with the crusts cut off.

Makes absolutely zero sense.

But, anyway,

Have a Merry Christmas Everyone.

Sunday, December 17, 2017

I Understand calculus derivatives!

When I was in Grade 12 Calculus class, my mind was a wreck --- I was emotionally ruined and I could not bring my mind to concentrate.

Pretty much the same thing in University Calculus. I couldn't bring myself to concentrate on the subject matter very well.

It would often be a situation where, basically, my mind would either go completely blank (unthinking) or would have some stupid garbage running incessantly through my mind (uncontrollably thinking about the wrong thing).

15 years later.

I watched a video about 5th graders learning basic calculus concepts on Youtube ---- then today I got more curious on the subject and bought an ebook to learn calculus.

I read the introduction and the first couple chapters.

I did some practice questions with myself, to see if I could understand and demonstrate the concepts (using my graphing calculator as help).

At first, I was making some kind of mistake. I was doing something wrong --- my mind had mixed up some of the information.

Then I looked at the book again.

I did my practice questions again.

I got it.  I've nailed it.

I now know what a derivative is and how to arrive at a correct answer.

And then my Dad told me this handy little math trick which is basically an easy algorithm to calculate a derivative quickly. And it worked.


I am, apparently, more mentally developed now than I was as a grade 11/12 student.

In grade 11 I got 98% in chem 20 final exam but didn't know anything about calculus.

In grade 12 my brain started failing and I wasn't learning calculus or chemistry very well.

But I've gotten, now, all these years later, back to a point of being able to learn what I should've known back then.

Wow. I am so happy. My brain used to be pretty messed up ----- but I AM recovering --- I now know how to do something I couldn't wrap my mind around when I was young. And it's so easy too ----which means I was REALLY messed up.

I did some research about what schizophrenia is online, and psychologists are absolutely correct:::: when someone experiences too much abuse they are more likely to become schizophrenic.

That's what I sum it up as in my own life:::::: I look back at my memories, and people were generally just treating me so badly that I wasn't capable of being happy anymore, and I was "jumping off the deep-end to drown in a pool of despair". That's the best way I can put it.

And, I'll just note I was thinking about the root cause of where the abuse came from::::

Two main discoveries::::

If the people of the Mormon church HAD ACTUALLY FORGIVEN ME LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO ------ then the abuse levels would have been heavily reduced and I'd be better off.

BUT:::: if for some reason forgiveness for myself was unnecessary::::


If I have to forgive everything, then everyone has to forgive me.

It was a situation where, as instructed, I would forgive everyone and yet still be constantly treated like shit.

If people didn't have to forgive me ------ then the Bishop SHOULD NOT have been requiring me to forgive everything-----

Conversely, if I didn't have to forgive everything, and I was allowed to punish things, then by punishing someone who was consistently and insistently wronging me, I could have caused that behavior to cease, and my mind would be more at ease.

The basic problem was::::

The Mormons did not follow their own doctrine


They were not clear on what their actual doctrine was anyway.

If the Mormon church had been making more sense back then, I would have felt less abused, and I might've managed to stay in school until graduation.

My schizophrenia really was, essentially, just driven by a culture of, essentially, very bad behaviors in my Mormon community.

But the really good news is I now understand derivatives better, and I know or have some idea how to calculate them.

I am so happy to finally grasp some calculus.

Friday, December 15, 2017

"Sunsetting" the Cortex Store

In recent posts, I made mention of this idea I was feeling that I was finally going to be paid --- perhaps sooner than later.

I was probably right::: just moments ago I received an email from Razer telling me that there will be no new game submissions permitted in 2018, as the Cortex Store is getting "sunsetted".

A Rite from the Stars?  The game will come out soon, before the end of the year.

And so will "Super Roman Conquest" ---- a game that I personally supported on Kickstarter.

So ---- seeing as how Cortex is winding down, I can only assume my telepathy was right and Razer will eventually pay me for my sales. I can only hope.

Cortex and OUYA was A LOT OF FUN. And I wish I could have played these games so much more than I did ---- the problem for me was I was often playing alone, by myself, and nobody else had the time or ability to enjoy gaming with me. My Dad couldn't even sit through a full Bananatree game most of the time, and "most" means "not very many games played total".

It was great fun. I'm kind of sad to see this part of life ending.

OH ----- there is ONE last bug in one of my games --- ICBM ----- but there is a workaround. I don't feel like fixing it I don't think because the workaround is awesome-effective.

If you use up all 3 game saves in ICBM, and restart the game ---- all three game saves are still used up.

Just restart your Forge. Go into the settings or whatever and just do a software restart/reboot.  After it's rebooted, ICBM saves will be good to go again.


I'm still waiting for my big bitcoin purchase to be transacted. The anticipation is killing me. I had a bit of a rude analogy for this situation, which I will not mention further.

I even tried to appease the Gods by sending a donation to charity with a decent transaction fee. Didn't work.

The lesson is::::: always use "Replace-by-fee" in bitcoin core, or whatever client you are using. This will allow you to increase your transaction fee after payment is submitted to try to get you settled long before 4 days are over.


but yeah ----- just weird how I could sense payment coming, how I felt like quitting my blog for a week, and shortly afterward we hear Cortex is sunsetting. When all is said and done, they'll probably pay me. Just like I expected. Telepathy is so cool.

How much will I be paid? If you trust the dev portal, it might be a bit over 100USD ----- but in my time visiting the dev portal, especially later, I found it likely wasn't reporting everything very accurately.  Who knows what the truth is.

I know this because my brother in law bought a game from me, downloaded it, and his download was never reported.

And in the early days of Cortex, I thought I would retire from game development --- only to come back with more ideas. But -- during the retirement time, NOTHING was reported to me --- so something probably just wasn't being reported.

Not to mention all those distributed copies of Coconuts versus Bananas, while I only actually sold like one or two copies of that game. Who knows.

Thursday, December 14, 2017


I haven't written anything for about a week now --- I was kind of wondering if I should just quit blogging, either forever or for a while.  But I sensed it in my soul that maybe some of my readers were anxious to read a new story, so here's what's going on with me:

The hash rate of the bitcoin network is pretty high right now ---- but I decided to make a rather big purchase with bitcoin yesterday morning, I paid over $1CAD of value in the transaction fee ---- and a day plus several hours later, the first confirmation still has not been achieved.

And yes --- I told my bitcoin client (bitcoin core) to give me the 20-minute transaction fee, the highest transaction fee. So there must be a problem.

In more personal financial news ----- I keep hearing in my mind, using that telepathy thing, that I will be rich. God seems certain I will finally make my mint some day.

I'm poorer now than I was 6 months ago, so we'll see, I guess.

I was wondering if my lottery subscription was going to win last night --- but no, it didn't. The voice wasn't referring to that apparently.

With all the visits to this website, I wonder how nobody answered my blog poll, how I don't see sales reported.

Equifax has made me aware that most Canadians have excellent credit, which fits perfectly in line with other news stories that Canadians are basically drowning in debt.

Canadians are basically drowning in money, but apparently they "wouldn't" just pay me for my books, despite how I set the prices really low.

I suppose it's imaginable that someone or some people just don't like me, as I've said before ---- and that's actually really nothing new since I was basically disliked by my own siblings since a very early age ---- and it continued consistently in most places throughout my life.

In so many places in life, at home, at school, at church, on the internet ------ people have tended to treat me pretty poorly. I write the book about my life, and now I'm not getting paid for it. Huh.

The only sane place where I seem to find friendship and acceptance is the psychiatric hospital.

Things are improving at home, although not perfect ----- I might have not wanted psychiatry for a long time initially, but it turned out psychiatry is a real lifeline, a lifesaver.

Mormons claim that LDS bishops are the most expert psychologists ---- I think most people by now would disagree with that (I think that's another one of Kimball's statements).

So::: voices in my head indicate I'll be rich, but my life has been such heck for a long time that writing the book about my life wasn't even going to get paid apparently.

I dunno --- we'll see, a while back, months ago, I earlier referred before to those voices I heard telling me I will be rich. Back then I didn't know why or how it would happen.  But now I think I have a better guess of how maybe if I invest well enough.

So, for the past week, I felt like giving up on this blog ---- but I felt an urge to update you guys.

I guess this post just reaffirms the whole point of my initial venture::: to make money. Voices say it will happen, but my life was so messed up, I apparently can't even be paid for my book. So there you go.

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Oddity -- A Forge TV Mystery

I might have just found a clue of something.

For a while, when Cortex was still active, you could log in to the store and they'd have a free game download available --- a free entitlement.

Nothing has happened on Cortex for a while---- according to what the internet tells me, in my face,

But today I logged into Cortex on my Forge.

I looked around, nothing had changed, it was stagnant.

I played some games (my own games actually) --- and I actually still have fun playing my own games on this system.

But something unexpected happened.

I checked my email on my phone. New Email.

It was from the Razer Game Store. They said I purchased a game.


Luckily, my card won't be charged, $0.00 entitlement.

But here's the thing::::

There is no such game on Cortex on Forge.

I checked again --- there was no such game.

I obviously don't see everything that I should.

Either this is some kind of easter egg ----- or some kind of computer hack has been set up for me to make me think I'm not making any money and that all my work is dead.

Either there is more going on than my system tells me there is ------- or this is just some kind of easter egg.

How did I get an entitlement for a game that doesn't exist?

What is going on here?

What is my computer or my internet hiding from me?

Who is going to such lengths to make me think it's all over?

Yeah --- this is a mystery.  It was a surprise, a nice surprise --- as if there is something more going on.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Z-Rank Not Updated For Quite a While

Earlier this evening I was looking at the latest releases on

Moonlight Game Streaming I think received the latest update, about a month or a two ago.

Later, moments ago, I looked at Razer Cortex Games --- the Z-Rank ---

And I found that the release date of Moonlight Game Streaming is many months older than the release date listed on

I know it been a while since there were any major changes in the genre rankings in the Cortex Store on Forge TV.

My game, Coconuts Versus Bananas, is STILL think ranked #7 in one of its genres, although who knows why because I only ever see maybe one or two reported sales (although for some reason there were many more unpaid downloads *shrugs*).

I do actually still have reported downloads in my OUYA Dev Portal --- I looked at my portal this evening, and just within hours ago there had been a download of Blaine Bananatree.

So::: though the downloads show the system is still active ----- on my end I do not see action in the O-Rank or Z-Rank or Genre Rankings --- I haven't seen such for a long time.

And no reported sales for quite a long time either.

But the truth is, I have some level of ESP or Psychic ability --- I really do --- sometimes it's more accurate than other times ---- but it does exist -------

So with my ESP, I feel at ease, because I sense an idea that I will eventually, maybe sooner than later, make my money and be able to buy a house.

It's been this way for a while ----- just this apparent series of thoughts or feelings telling me my riches are coming.

I'm right enough of the time that I suspect this is true. But I also know such things could or should be taken with a grain of salt.


I'm going to note a prominent thought I had about my family and church experience in my life::::

A few nights ago I told my Dad about something my priests' quorum learned in church, and the teaching was taken from "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W Kimball.

My Dad then told me that he had never heard that teaching before --- and he, in fact, did not consider that book to be doctrinal.

So I'm just scratching my head about that ---- Kimball was an Apostle, even became the Top Banana, and yet his authoritative word on forgiveness is just dismissed as "not doctrinal".

So, if he wasn't doctrinal --- then what is the doctrine? The fully scripture-standardized bible dictionary doesn't even have a definition of the words "forgive" or "forgiveness".

The church will constantly quote D&C 64 where you are required to forgive all men ---- and considering how this forgiveness thing is something you are always doing, somehow the church can never quite explain what that word actually MEANS ---- especially when THE BOOK on the topic by an Apostle Prophet is dismissed as "not doctrinal".

I think my Dad was basically just trying to say that only the Bible is doctrinal --- what Jesus said. That even D&C 64 can be ignored.

But that's how frustrating it was --- to be taught something in the church, and when it came down to brass tax, what I learned in church wasn't even "doctrinal". Huh.

Monday, December 4, 2017

Thank Goodness for Anti-Psychotics

A pattern developed in my life, where on the Saturday directly before my Wednesday Injection (every 3 weeks) I would start feeling very good, or very happy, a mania of sorts.

I now have 3mg Paliperidone XR tablets to deal with that.

Before the last injection, it was a depression instead of a mania.

So::: what about this time?

Last Saturday I felt just fine. No need to take a tablet.  Sunday I felt fine --- no need for a tablet.

But Monday Morning --- woah ----- it wasn't a depression or a mania ------- I just suddenly started feeling insecure, not calm and confident --- but insecure, like the paranoia maybe of paranoid schizophrenia.

Just a few moments ago I realized I could take a tablet. So I did. And now I feel better.

Thank goodness for Paliperidone.

I was originally diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia ---- but one of the suspected initial diagnosis was bipolar -------- so it's quite possible that I'm actually just a combination of schizophrenic with bipolar::::: in my understanding that's called Schizoaffective Disorder.


I bought some gift-wrap boxes for some gifts. I have bagged gifts already wrapped. I just didn't feel like wrapping paper this season ----- some gifts might be handed out plain with no decoration actually.

But, I am excited about the coming holiday ----- I already feel good to hand out the gifts I'm planning to give.

And in about two weeks I'm going to make my final payment for my dental implant. Then I'll get the new tooth in January --- which will be so much fun.  Bills aren't going to be a problem in that regard. --and I will be able to chew "normally" again!


I'm not a psychologist ----- but I suspect that me just telling good and happy stories might actually cause some people to feel depressed while talking about problems like difficulties with Mormonism might actually serve to psychologically comfort people burdened with the Mormon experiences.

That's just my guess. I want to do and say good and happy things, but I have some suspicion such might bring some people down, while talking about problems might help someone feel better.

Different people react differently to different kinds of information I guess. And I'm not a psychologist, so maybe I'm wrong ---- but this is my hypothesis about how some people will react to good versus bad stories.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Tax Free Apparently

Where I live, here in Alberta, the only sales tax we pay is a 5% Federal Goods and Services Tax.

What I'm about to say sounds too good to be true, except it is true, and I've noticed it twice now.

I just came home from a bit of shopping --- I bought another Christmas Gift.

And the store I bought the gift from didn't charge me GST --- in fact, they removed the 5% GST plus an additional 5% from the price of the item I bought. Saved me $0.80 --- which is actually pretty decent savings, when you consider that if I had been honestly paid for my ebooks, one royalty might be worth $0.35.

There was another time I bought something else from the same store, and there also I noticed the taxes had been removed from the total. Even then that thought blew my mind.

Considering all the visits this website receives, and how little I've ever been paid for any of my work ----- I begin to wonder if I receive compensation for my efforts though little discounts like this. It just becomes a suspicion.

I was trying to think of something to write about, but nothing really seemed worthwhile ---- until I saw my tax savings + 5% more off.  It's odd. And a happy thought.