Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Physical Activity

I've got some good news for this blog post.

For quite a while, the only place I would go for "the complete walk" with the rest of my family was the zoo --- probably because the zoo is an interesting and fun place to be ---- just looking at foreign (or domestic) animals can be fun.

But, when my family would walk anywhere or almost anywhere else ---- well, I'd have a difficult time either mentally or physically keeping up. This includes the park, the mall, in the neighborhood ----- I was kind of out of shape I guess you could say.

Good news::: today I went with my family to the park, and I walked the whole distance and kept pace. To me, this is awesome.

In other news:::

My bank has sent me a letter.

They are offering me a mortgage (or maybe just advertising their mortgage services).

If my bank is personalizing their contacts with me based on my actual situation, then they must know something extra about my situation that I'm not "fully" aware of.

Either my bank keeps no track of my accounts and who I am ---- or they keep such good track that they know something I don't.

I have less than $200CAD in my chequing account right now. Does it look like I can afford a mortgage?

It does help me sort of feel better that the bank would seem to offer me such a thing ----- but I already know, even with things in my life the bank might not be fully aware of, that I can't really afford a mortgage right now.

Of course, one of my end goals is to buy myself a place to live for me ------ but I am more inclined to do it from being a really good investor more likely than getting a mortgage.

What do my delirious telepathy thoughts tell me? I know that schizophrenia happens when the information your brain gives you isn't very good information, so I try to take all telepathy with a grain of salt until actual physical evidence is presented that suggests the thoughts are true ----

But if my telepathy from the past few days is right, then I see myself in the minds of others as others perceiving me to be at least a bit wealthy (which I might be) while always having an idea or hope that maybe someday, even maybe sooner than later, I might get some kind of payment from my sales.

That is all very vague information --- but I don't want to be too detailed about what my mind tells me when I don't see physical evidence of what it says. The problem I had a long time ago was that my brain was having a hard time being right, correct or accurate with information.


1) I exercised enough to feel good today.

2) If the bank sends me anything personalized to my situation ---- then maybe they know more about my situation than I do.

3) If my long-shot investment goals come true, then the bank knew.

4) If telepathy is truthfully telling me I could get paid, then the bank knew.

And the above four points sum up this blog post.


OK --- one more bit of information about any chance or possibility of me ever maybe making money ---- although this information may also be way out in left field -----

A few days ago my father picked up on a phone call::::: The caller said something about sending us a cheque and maybe something about something we should do, and my Dad wasn't interested so the call ended quickly.

Calls like that are usually perceived to be very scam-like.

I looked up the number online, and the information said it was a "Jamaica" number ---- and that this number is considered "very dangerous".

Why on earth would someone in JAMAICA talk about SENDING US A CHEQUE????????

Like there are possibilities about how this COULD MAYBE be somehow real ------

but not in my Dad's mind. End of phone call.

So:: getting a phone call from Jamaica offering to send a cheque technically often doesn't seem like a very legitimate thing to happen -----

except I really wonder about it.

And don't even get me started on what my brother might think about such a phone call ---- I'll keep that much private.

So I'm not sure about a whole lot sometimes ----- but what looked very scammy to my Dad makes me wonder if there's a chance. Of course, the phone number was considered dangerous, so maybe I'm just delusional.

Who knows.

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Instant Karma?

I've been trying to think of something good - or anything decent - to say on this blog for a bit of a while --- so now I think I've got something interesting.

When I was in elementary school, I think it was the assistant principal who taught this concept that doing good to others would help you feel good inside, as a result --- kind of karma-like. The same concept was even brought up in High School by a motivational speaker I believe.

The elementary assistant principal also taught that trying to tear other people down also only tears yourself down.

I think he was teaching some good principles - not only is it an attempt to help school children do good and behave themselves, but I think what he was teaching was even, more or less, true.

I have two stories to share about this sort of instant-feel-good-karma.

A while ago I decided to donate some bitcoin to a charity.  As soon as I sent the BTC --- I immediately felt my heart or my bosom warm up, like I was receiving instant karma that helped me feel good.

And today, I was looking for a Christmas gift in a little bit of online shopping ---- but I have largely run out of regular currency to spend on such things, so I decided to buy a gift with bitcoin.  After having paid for the gift, I did start to feel better ----- but then just a little while later, who knows how, out in the cool outdoor air ------ I suddenly smelt a very good smell, like a scented candle kind of ----- and the sensation of smelling this only lasted for a moment.  But it was an interesting experience nonetheless.

So:::: How is it that I get such remarkable instant karma after sending bitcoin elsewhere?  My guess is that bitcoin is deflationary --- so the BTC I sent to the charity or the store will someday be worth a whole lot more than it is now ---- and that is a VERY good deed to perform, maybe, maybe cosmically considered a very generous payment or donation.

Just my thoughts.

As for hallucinating a nice smell that shouldn't be there ---- this has happened once or at least once before to me.  The memory of this happening before was when I was sitting alone in my bedroom, praying to God and asking if I'll go to heaven ------ I immediately started to smell some kind of good smelling perfume --- which lasted only a little while, and I shouldn't have been smelling it, so it must've been like a hallucination.

Yes, I told my psychiatrist about that hallucination. But it might be based in a mystical reality.

The only other kind of story to mention which I didn't mention before because this story isn't really blog-worthy, but I'll mention it now because I felt like telling someone ---

is that shopping for Christmas gifts has been really fun and exciting for me so far (considering yesterday was Black Friday) and I am very excited to hand out the goodies come December 24th or 25th.

Yesterday after my Black Friday shopping spree I thought I could feel myself being like Santa Claus --- and really I just felt so good about that too.

Another reason the above 3 paragraphs didn't make it into its own blog post::: because from experience I know that if someone who is less-well-off sees me having such a good time, it might be a little depressing for them. So, yeah, give gifts to those who have-not, to try to cheer up their end of year. I ended up spending about 1/3rd of my Christmas budget with Plan Canada --- for the Christmas goodies they plan on giving impoverished children this year.

And I think that's all I have to say.

Monday, November 20, 2017

The past was Dismal, look to a future of excellence

I am actually quite impressed with my family.

Is my family perfect? No --- but there are 6 of us, and only 2 are ADD --- which means that most of us aren't ADD --- so that's good.

I'm really enjoying my brother these days --- he and I went through some serious crap in life, but I can almost think we might be beginning to pull it together now.

My good sister has always been pretty awesome, so that's just great.

Attention Deficit Disorder is called a Disorder because it is disorderly and unhelpful. That's what I've understood at least.

So, most of us are actually OK --- the worst parts of my family are because of some kind of psychological problem that maybe they can't take control of very well - so maybe things are OK now.

Anyway::::: When I think about my past, it is glaring in my face how absolutely defective it was in so many ways: not just in my home, but also at school and elsewhere.

So::::: I'm starting to wonder if someday I should create a website, or convert this website, into some kind of informational resource about BEING EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER.

To promote cooperation, love, and peace, and to help try to escape from a past of seriously defective problems.

I guess you could say my idea is quasi-spiritual because just releasing thoughts of Excellence, peace, and love into the world might actually have an effect of improving the world's situation.

Before I can start such a website, I would need to get my budget in order, I might or probably would want to get a business internet connection rather than a personal or residential connection and I might want to make sure my "philosophy" makes sense, because if I started saying all kinds of stuff and in the end it's got problems, that wouldn't be good.

I might still have a blog on the site, but that wouldn't be the main purpose of the site.

So, my website might change someday.

This might just be a "pipe dream" ---- but it's the best thing I could think of doing with my time. It's like my next step in life, if I can manage to pull it off.

When I think about the past, I see all kinds of defection.

But when I live in the present and hope for the future, I feel or sense excellence and goodness --- so having a website that concentrates on good things now rather than a series of poor experiences might actually be a good thing.

Friday, November 17, 2017

Supremacy of God is Constitutional

So:: I mentioned a while ago there was a French phonecall for me --- I should mention the caller made sure my caller ID had no idea who they were.

Now, furthermore, I'm getting these phone calls from 44-703 numbers ----- I looked up this country/area code online and learned it could be anyone calling from anywhere in the world --- and such numbers are typically used by scammers.

Furthermore, one of these 44-703 numbers that called left a message where they were calling my name.

Should I be disturbed?  To me, this doesn't seem right.

I didn't even make a fortune and I'm already getting the "crap calls". (I call it a crap call because of the high perceived likelihood it's something I don't want).

Look, I didn't make much money doing what I did --- I didn't charge very much, and most people chose to just not pay me anything at all -----

Therefore it would be a very big shame if someone was calling to hurt me even more beyond all the regular stuff.

I'll say this::::

I think there is some legal allowance in my country for self-defense but even worse than that:


Canada's constitution operates with two main factors: The Rule of Law, and Supremacy of God.

Note how the Supremacy of God is not factored in under "rule of law" ---- that's right, God is Supreme, and He operates on a different legal standing than regular human mortal laws.

That basically means that in Canada, God can do whatever He wants, and it's perfectly legal. Like, he can do ANYTHING he wants ---- and the government has no problems with Him legally for it.

So, I will just note the concept of KARMA now:::::

Karma means the following, in a basic nutshell::::

If you do good things for others, then God or the Universe will do good things or you.

If you do bad things to others, then God or the Universe will do BAD things to you.

And you know how they say "Karma is a bitch" right?

Part of spirituality in Canada is "Freedom of Religion" --- I can have my religion with God, however, I want it to be ------

So, keeping in mind my legal ability to defend myself, Karma, God's legal constitutional supremacy and the fact I don't want any crap phone calls ------ I would advise caution in trying to deal with me harmfully, especially when so many people have already wronged me in so many ways.

Yes::: this is a warning to scammers and people who would want to hurt me or take advantage of me, if even just to make my days a living hell with phone calls I really don't want.

And I'm pretty sure everything I said in this post is 100% legal. It's the constitution --- that makes it legal.

As the Poets of the fall would say "Don't mess with me". God has taken my side before.

And really, I probably don't actually want to receive your phonecalls.

I recognize I might be accused of "showing teeth" in this post ---- but you really need to be on guard in this world, and if I never showed any teeth then history tells me people would just walk all over me.

I'm basically just saying "Don't waste my time with scams. God/Karma might make you regret it."

I, morally, would think it's OK and legitimate to encourage people to not scam others, as well as to protect myself from scams.

Youtube knows my personality type??

Maybe all the visits to my blog I see are from Universities or Google or someone like that studying me - because, well, the only other alternate explanations don't sound as realistic.

Several weeks ago I did a personality test online.

There are two major explanations for how Youtube knows my personality::: Either they lifted the results from that website, or they've analyzed me with what they have about me and were able to draw a conclusion.

Whatever the case is:::: Youtube tells me I'm the same personality that the personality test said I was.

So, I am an INFJ.

Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging.

Apparently, it is also the rarest personality type, with less than 2% of the population identifying this way.

Want to know something weird?

In Grade 11, before I went insane ----- I actually tested then and had a very different personality at that time.

My insanity seems to have caused a change in my brain or something where I actually am definitely no the same person I used to be.

My personality used to be ISTP --- Or rather, Introverted, Sensing, Thinking --- and perceiving.

One major difference between my experience as an ISTP and as an INFJ is this:::

As an ISTP I was very comfortable with being Mormon, or at least I was still analyzing the church at that time and was trying to live it as I could.

As an INFJ, apparently, one key part of my personality is a need for truth and authenticity ----- and I didn't find that in Mormonism so I've kicked them to the curb.

That's a big major difference.

So:::: It's just interesting that Youtube somehow managed to figure out my personality type because their interpretation of who I am is the same as that online personality test I took not too long ago.

Another thing I will mention is that as an ISTP or an INFJ --- when I got my personality result and read about myself, things seemed to be as they should be - although, I actually had a way of disliking myself more when I was an ISTP. I had "low self-esteem" in my days as an ISTP --- but I thought my personality "made sense".

Who knows.

Being Shamed by South Park

I just watched the most recent South Park Episode on a subscription I have through iTunes.

For the sake of Fair Use, but to not infringe on any copyright --- I will say this much about this episode and how it compares to myself, in a sort of shameful way.  I'm just going to stress my partial synopsis of this episode is fair use in that I'm only talking about a portion of the show, as well as I'm adding my own commentary to depict a comparison with my own life. I'm pretty sure that falls under fair use.

In this episode, we learn Heidi is the best science student in the school, and it's her job to judge the special ed science fair.  At this time, Cartman is a bad influence on Heidi, and she doesn't want to be at school on a weekend.

Yes ---- I relate to this, and I do feel like I'm being "shamed" by this episode, whether it's directly about me or not.

I compare to this in two ways:::

When I was in school, I was a really great student. I was smart and got really good grades.

However, I eventually ended up intentionally trying to get away from school as much as possible in the end. Part of it was, of course, mental illness ---- but there was a very real factor in my personality where I'd much rather sit around playing video games than do boring school stuff. Maybe a part of the problem was some bad school experiences I once had::: in elementary school, I was all for extra-curricular activity, but after a junior high experience of other kids trying to hypnotise me to do very bad things, by High School I was just happy to be with my video games.

On a side note: video games are actually good for you. Just thought I'd mention that. More or less good for you.

There's another way I compare too, and this is where the shame comes in:::

Plan Canada has sent me communications where they tell me that I am one of their most loyal supporters and that my name has power.

That's why they sent me a form to fill out a while back where I would offer some moral support to the charity to try to help end discrimination against women.

I agreed that girls should be educated, that mothers and women should receive health care and I am generally not interested in violence against them --- so I filled out the form like I was signing a petition.

I think sometime in the past week Plan was holding an online event they invited me to where they would update us on the actual issues facing women they work with in those countries.

Though I agree more or less with what Plan Canada wanted - to end discrimination against women -- I was kind of like Heidi in this episode in that I had absolutely zero desire to sit through an online webcast on this topic, and in fact I didn't even keep track of when it was going to happen. I just let it slide.

Yes --- it feels like this episode is shaming me for something that happened in recent time frame.

I'm not promising that I'm not going to be lazy and be a bit more proactive ----

I will say the big reason I'm able to be a "loyal" supporter of Plan Canada is because I have an assured income and I budget well ---- there is minimal threat to my ability to give support.

I'm just not paid very much, and there's not a whole lot more I can do for or with Plan Canada.

Maybe I'm supposed to be famous or something ----- but I get paid less than minimum wage. I can't just go anywhere like my patriarchal blessing said I would, not without money.

So, I can provide very limited support to any charity ----- but though I'm almost expert at some things I do ------ I like my free time, essentially.


On a side note ---- it's just so strange how I often end up comparing myself and my own life to all kinds of 'texts' ---- it is getting weird.

That's why I'm thankful for the movie "Murder on the Orient Express" --- a movie which I haven't yet seen, but wanted to, which looks more relatable to my brother-in-law rather than myself. Hah. :)

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Another Pretty Good Guess

I was just playing my Guess 3 Characters game again.

I made another pretty good guess.

I mean, on this surface, this looks awesome, looks like I'm really achieving ----

I'm mildly OK at this sort of thing. I'm better than nothing.

The odd thing about this guess was:::: I actually guessed the R (Response) twice in a row ---- meaning I got this reading before the actual answer was even in computer memory.


Basically, I got a reading, wrote it down, it was wrong, but I just magically decided to try the exact same reading again, for the second time ---- and boom, you get the above screenshot.

At this point, that means I'm predicting the future at that point, and not just reading my computer memory.

I don't know. It's just weird. The A (answer) didn't even exist in computer memory when I initially came up with the response, this is the second same response in a row, and I have no idea.

The game isn't programmed to behave this way.

It's either:
A) I predicted the future
B) Something is manipulating the computer memory

B seems unlikely, but I also know to some A is also unlikely.

Just weird.


Yesterday I saw my psychiatric doctor. The nurse who looks like Avril Lavigne was present.

It wouldn't be hard to transform this nurse into Avril, or for Avril to transform into this nurse --- the appearances are that similar.

So, it's just interesting how

1) I was broken up with ballerinagirl with the excuse that we weren't adults. Somehow that makes it OK to take away our constitutional freedoms.
2) People were trying to destroy my relationship with Avril Lavigne even though at that point we were adults, as well as she was singing about me, so obviously something is wrong when they are taking away our constitutional freedoms without even a good excuse.
3) And now the doctors have a body double of Avril involved in my treatment at the hospital now.

So yeah, obviously something was wrong with the society I was living in.


There might've been some other things on my mind in the past days, but I don't really remember right now, the above two stories are the biggest thoughts I've had.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

I was billed on a Sunday

In my last post, I said my cell phone bill was days late and still hadn't come.

As of yesterday (Saturday), my bill balance was still at $0.00.

When I tried to visit the provider's website on my mac this morning -- my mac just wouldn't connect to that one website.

Later, I was using my iPad and decided to try again --- as I visited the provider's website, which connected, for some strange reason my iPad was suddenly disconnected from my home network, and wouldn't reconnect using DHCP or automatic settings.

So, I manually configured it, and it connected again.

Then I was able to log in to the provider's site and take a look: I had a new balance on my account.

I paid that balance with my credit card.

So yeah::: whatever is going on, it's very odd ---- Days late billing, connection problems and loss of local connection, and the bill came up on a Sunday.


Something strange.


Yesterday I mostly felt depressed. I had a good moment or two --- but I was psychologically in a low place yesterday.

Usually, on that day I would start feeling a mania, as my injection is due this Wednesday --- but this time I was feeling depressed.

The biggest environmental factor leading up to the depression may have been the night before: Friday night.

Here's a short version of what happened Friday night:

I still have unending psychological problems with thoughts about experiencing and doctrines of the church popping up in my mind.

I try to talk about what's on my mind so I can try to feel better psychologically.

My brother, who is getting better, is a good listener.

My mom is a good listener.

But most of the time I have to encounter my Dad as I say things --- I might be talking to my Mom or Brother, but invariably my Dad will get himself involved anyway.

And my Dad has ADD.

Let's just say, I never really feel like I'm being listened to, and rather than helping me feel better as I try to unload my psychological burden verbally, I just end up getting frustrated because with my Dad it becomes very difficult to even get my point across.

I've been insane for quite some time --- but you have to realize that one big major factor in my insanity is just having problems in life, trying to talk about or discuss those problems ---- and only finding serious and severe frustration every time as my ADD Dad gets involved in the discussion ------ that's how I went insane in a nutshell.  it's been the same problem ever since the beginning.

If the problems alone aren't enough to drive me insane, I sure was insane by the time I had to discuss the problems with my father.

ADD really doesn't help the situation.

So, on Friday night I got frustrated, Saturday I was mostly depressed, and today some weird stuff as I finally got billed for my cell phone.

So yeah, there.


On a side note, I've stopped feeling afraid of my blog, mostly.

But with Youtube telling me to de-google, I do still have some paranoia about that subject.

Other than that, I'm fine, I'm doing well.

It's too bad not every story can be so positive and happy.

Friday, November 10, 2017

A Good Story

What I'm about to say seems too good to be true, but this is what happened, as I've experienced it --- even I myself have difficulty believing what I'm going to tell you is real-honest-the-way-things-are-supposed-to-be.

I have a cell phone.

I have been with my cell phone provider for about 8 years now.

They have regularly billed me, it's pretty consistent. I've always paid.

This month, however, they are a few days late in the billing cycle --- and they still haven't billed me.

I'm ready and willing to pay - but my balance on my account with them remains at zero ---- for now I owe "nothing".

So, that's just a little interesting considering they are days late to bill me, and still, haven't billed me.

So, it does almost seem too good to be true to think I won't be billed anymore.

But, there's more:

Almost a week ago, my Dad, had me go into an electronics shop to buy "some hardware" that was meant to be used by my brother-in-law, who recently became a Police Officer.

I found the item, bought it, and of course, had to identify myself as I bought it. The clerk asked if I had a cell phone, yes, who my provider was, I told him, and out of the blue ---- the sales clerk offered me a free Samsung or Apple tablet.

I thought that was a little odd that I would be given such an offer.  That was all the offer was at face value:: a free tablet.

I was thinking if this was a bit crazy or strange, so I declined to take his offer.

When I talked to my mother, she said I should have thought about getting her the tablet.

When I talked to my brother-in-law as I handed him his new hardware, he agreed that I should be leary, because in his expectation there would have been strings attached with this new tablet.

If you want to get stranger with reality, something totally true yet maybe unbelievable:::

Of course, there's that perfect Guess 3 Characters guess I made from a week ago, which may seem fine, but when you combine that with the following occurrence from a month or two earlier, reality starts feeling contrived:

I mildly mentioned this already, but I had a sort of mildly lucky streak a month or two ago. I'm not going into detail about that here. And then just last Friday I made a perfect guess in my guessing game.

Something is a bit odd about my experiences. It's hard to believe this could be for real, except my lucky experiences were totally real. Who knows about the economic experiences.

BUT:::: if there might be any clues about how realistic this is::: for me, this pretty much seems like it might be realistic, because::::

After I programmed at least 3 or 4 of the Bananatree Games, I started getting these Japanese emails. They offered a lot of money.

I looked up the information I could about the sender ---- if this was for real, then she might have had something to do with Disney.

My Dad's Japanese friend, who I tried to get help from as an interpreter, didn't believe the emails.

Anyway, it's just interesting to note the similarities between my work and some of Disneys movies since then --- Like Moana and now Coco.

I'm not going to go into great detail about how I see similarities in the ideas ---- just Moana happens on an island, while my bananatree games happen on an island --- as well as the movie is called "coco", and my 3rd bananatree game has a character surnamed "cocopalm".

To say the least, I do feel I can relate in a way,

so it's just very interesting that I got all those emails from a supposed individual from Disney ------ it's just no one on my end had any belief that the emails were real.

So, who knows what's going on, if anything happened "behind the scenes" -----

I sort of have felt that I could expect a big windfall someday, but that remains to be seen.

It all seems "too good to be true" ---- but this is how good I see my reality, and I am happy and feel good about my life.

I'm not fully sure what's been going on, but I am happy and comfortable with it. I think I am at least.

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

What it was about?

I know I said I wanted to discuss good and positive things, but as I returned home with my Dad from the mall today, I realized there's a flip side that should be discussed.

If I only said good things about something that was actually bad, then that would be dishonest. People would think it's such a good thing when it's actually not. False advertising is bad.

So, when my family joined the church right after I was born, as I grew up I learned various things about what I thought I could expect in the church.

The LDS family that helped convert my family was very friendly, very nice people, very positive and it was always a good environment.

So::: 1) LDS Church should be about extremely friendly behaviors.

The church was all about eternal families and social connections.

2) LDS church is a family and friends organization.

The church instilled strong beliefs in God, Jesus, Ghost, Angels, and a whole bunch of very miraculous stories.

3) The church is about God, Angels, Ghosts Jesus and the miracles and all that.

The above list is basically what you'd think you'd find and expect in any Mormon church --- this is what it's all about.

What happened in my life?

I befriended an LDS Friend ------ her parents were extremely angry and even vicious with me, for no reason.

And the church decided that they should not be disciplined for such behaviors.

1) The church isn't about very friendly behavior anymore.

The church obviously wouldn't let me befriend this LDS friend, and Avril Lavigne seemed friendly so I could be her friend, but the LDS church was staunchly opposed to me being friends with Avril Lavigne -- to the point where I understood Avril Lavigne was damned to hell, she's not savable, just because the bishop said so.

2) The church wasn't actually a friends and family community either.

So, what about God, Angels, Ghosts, Jesus, and miracles? I mean --- this is one of the major talking points of the church.

Guess what? My testimony of Jesus and the Holy Ghost was generally rejected and is not allowed while I was forced with psychiatric medication for believing in miracles, which the church entirely supported such drugging for such beliefs.

3) So no, the church is not even about God, Angels, and all that Jazz.

There are three major things, that having grown up in the church with, that I would have thought the church would be about, would be totally into these things.

But they actually weren't.

And since the church wasn't actually into those 3 things, then I really have to wonder what the whole thing actually was about anyway.  What on earth is the church going on about, what is it for, if it's not friendly if it's not friends and family, and if it's not actually about God and spirituality?

It was supposed to be about, more or less, those 3 basic things ---- but the church, in my experience, completely disproved their own intent to be that kind of community.

I base some personal beliefs on the Mormon church beliefs, yet I find the church completely rejects my beliefs which are just personal extensions of what the church taught me.

The church taught me about the still small voice of the holy ghost, the voice of the holy ghost, talking to God and revelation, yet I once received a letter from the local Stake President (no longer stake president) where he denies that God would talk by voice to man.  The stake president wasn't upholding the standard issue LDS doctrine I was raised with.

So yeah, I would love to be happy and positive ----- and though the Patriarch seemed good and magical ---- I would be falsely advertising the church if I made it seem so good and perfect.

There were 3 basic things about them which I thought was the whole purpose of the church.

In the end, the church completely negated their own propagation of these purposes.

The church seemed to be about 3 things, but it was not, in practice, actually about those things.

I wanna say good and happy things, but I also want to tell the truth ---- so I'm not going to make the church seem totally better than what it actually was.

I guess I also just have memories and leftover psychological issues from those memories.

Reality is Awesome or Even Unreal

I said I wanted to talk about good things on my blog, and I feel driven to write some more on my blog.

Fact is if I explained some of the good things I see in my life, from experience I know people will think that it sounds too good to be true and there will just be another big argument where, essentially, people lack faith in my truth.

I think it's enough for me to say this::::

Either GOD IS VERY REAL, and he extends his hands in our (or my) life continuously,


Reality doesn't seem very realistic sometimes, reality seems to be very contrived to me.

This can be in very good, or very bad ways.

In some ways, the world is unbelievably evil and wrong, I don't even understand how or why people make some of the decisions they do ----

But in other ways, the world is an absolutely magical place, where, really, you should expect the unexpected, for lack of better words.

Maybe I see the world like this simply because I've been a true believer in God for a long time, and the LDS Patriarch gave me a blessing where I would witness and perform miracles.

Maybe for a lot of people who don't believe in miracles or God, reality seems less awesome than what I experience,

but it's enough for me to say that for me, with my God and miracles, the reality is so awesome sometimes I'm not even going to fully talk about it here because I realize from experience that people will figure it's too good to be true.

But yeah:::: my reality can be very good and very awesome in sometimes, and at other times it doesn't even make sense how wrong it becomes.

Maybe this has something to do with how I was suspected bipolar, diagnosed with schizophrenia, and in the end, I think I'm just schizoaffective, which is essentially a combination of bipolar with schizophrenia.

I'm not going to argue with the doctors about that now ---- if what I experience is too good to be true or too awful to make sense, then maybe I am well deserving of my disability benefits.

On a side note, I was thinking this morning about Gerald Melchin, the LDS Mormon patriarch who gave me my LDS patriarchal blessing.

Amazingly, I have no complaints about him.

There has been so much gone wrong with the church, but if anyone was a good example of how good the church could be:: he exemplified it.

Here's a little scripture:

D&C 64:15-16

15 Behold, I, the Lord, was angry with him who was my servant Ezra Booth, and also my servant Isaac Morley, for they kept not the law, neither the commandment;
16 They sought evil in their hearts, and I, the Lord, withheld my Spirit. They condemned for evil that thing in which there was no evil; nevertheless I have forgiven my servant Isaac Morley.

In this scripture, we can clearly see that the church had some pretty big problems right since the beginning with Joseph Smith ----- Two church guys condemning for evil things that weren't even evil.

In some ways, the church can be good.

But obviously, just from this scripture alone, we can see there have been serious problems from the beginning.

It has been said that Mormonism produces some of the nicest and best people ever, but it also produces from of the worst and meanest people ever.

Just looking at the scriptures myself, it's hard to believe the church was fully true ----- I'm just saying that sometimes, with people like Gerald Melchin, the patriarch, the church does seem very awesome and seems so believable --- because, in my experience with the patriarch, there was a real magic,

and this magic might be why I live in a reality that some would say is too good to be true.

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

A Perfect Guess

I didn't want to share this information on my blog, as it's starting to feel like I'm "beating a dead horse" ---

basically, when the psychiatrist argued with me years ago about telepathy, I almost have to wonder if he was just trying to drive me to prove my ability.

Anyway ---- I think by now I've proven there's something more, especially exampled in my recent perfect guess in my Guess 3 Characters game I made:

To be honest, I feel normal and fine during most of my day, I'm happy with my life, I'm recovering from the past ----

but my feelings immediately turn to a sort of nervousness when I think about my blog, it's like butterflies in my stomach ----

It's like I can feel a discomfort with being social with all the people who now visit my site.

But, in order to write a new post, which is something I felt like doing --- I needed something interesting to say, so hence the above screenshot.

It's possible a reason I feel so nervous about my blog, besides all the visitors, is that all I have to talk about is my life, and I am happily enjoying my life these days, happy to be at rest and at peace ----

but what is there to talk about?

A lot of experiences in my past history don't make much sense --- there has been so much nonsense in my experiences that I'm starting to not even want to talk about the past anymore, especially as anyone might have a problem with my life's history and generally, it just doesn't seem like the best idea to discuss anymore.

So, a piece of good news::: last Friday I made a perfect guess in my guessing game.

I desire to be positive, to say and write good things ---- but I'm not fully sure what kind of good stories I'll ever share on this blog.

It's a good idea to be positive, so even though a lot of my life didn't turn out so well, I'm not sure I should discuss most of my life anymore.

Maybe I'll just write some instructions as to how I came up with my perfect guess:::

I didn't even ask God for help before I started guessing.

I didn't even close my eyes and visualize what the characters might be.

I just wrote down the characters that popped into my head.

Most of the time I was wrong, but I'd get the odd character right along the way --- until boom --- all the characters were right.

And I wasn't really expecting such a good guess.

I was very ho-hum at the time, not even certain my ability was going to work.

I had other good guesses along the way, but I only made that one perfect guess.

I am absolutely baffled about how I suddenly got a perfect guess. It was actually unexpected.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Social Contact

Last night my Dad picked up a phone call.

It was for me.

The caller was speaking French.

My Dad knows I don't speak French, and though I studied some Spanish, I don't speak Spanish the best either,

So the phone call didn't get very far, my Dad didn't even give it to me.

How many French people do I know?

Avril Lavigne speaks English to me if she says anything at all to me.

The only other person who is really definitively French who I know is my aunt's husband.

So who else is French who might contact me? It could be anyone ---- but there's maybe the government if they had something to talk to me about, there are French people in Africa who might've heard of me from Plan Canada? Maybe?

Really, it might be anyone.

Anyway ---- I turned on my PS4 this morning, which I haven't done for a while, did the system update, logged into the PSN store and had to configure privacy for my account ----

And then when I got into the PSN Store I was met by several messages from who knows who popping up on my screen ---- people I don't know were greeting me.

One part of me figures I should get used to being social, that being social is a good thing ----

Another part of me sometimes feels a little petrified (extremely fearful) of the fame.

Anyway --- obviously I'm famous now, to an extent, and people seem to be reaching out to me.

1) this could be good, or this could be bad. I don't know what I'm about to get.

2) again, it's too bad I achieved the fame without the corresponding wealth. I get paid less than minimum wage and I can't even drive ---- It kind of limits me.

3) I suppose I can only expect people to take some interest in me like I took interest in Avril Lavigne and Kreskin.

4) What's really too bad is now that I have achieved some fame ---- I don't really have any projects planned right now. I've done all the work already, didn't get paid, became famous, and now I'm just trying to pay for a dental implant, and I have no planned future projects.

So that's just too bad.

I am a bit afraid of who or what might pop up, but I hope I'll be able to live my life happily and peacefully.

And, of course, it would have been nice to get paid.

At least I can hope to expect forgiveness of my wrongdoings now that I fail to prosecute the people who wrong me.

It's weird ---- the concept and doctrine of forgiveness are so easy and so simple ---- but I've spent however many years of my life dealing with the confusion about the concept that the LDS church has instilled in my family. It's really just too bad.