Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Scared of all the people for Halloween

My blog suddenly saw a surge of popularity today.

The introvert inside me feels frightened, like stage fright or something.

I almost wonder if I made a mistake by going into a form of business online.

Seeing as how I discuss some touchy issues in my writing sometimes, I would wonder if I have real reason to fear ----

But at least I can suppose that I'm at least on the right side of the law in my country, hopefully, because my brother-in-law was recently hired as a Police Officer. Yes --- I am now related to a cop. And this isn't just for Halloween either.

I do try to be a good person, doing what I understand to be right.

But considering how defective my childhood experiences were, yes, I am getting kind of scared of my fame.

My rise to fame mostly seems driven by the LDS Patriarchal blessing I received combined with how I personally relate to Avril Lavigne's music, as well as other texts.

It's just too bad I'm not making money, despite becoming famous ---- when I was a kid, my hopes were I'd be the opposite --- that I'd be rich but NOT famous. A strange twist of fate.

But who knows if my money is just hoarded by some banker or government official in a Registered Disability Savings Plan or if it's heavily taxed or if some charity benefits.

I have no idea why it's so hard to get paid, other than maybe people just can't afford it --- which doesn't totally make sense unless I remember what life was like when I was younger where funding was very scarce. I try to have empathy for the poor, as I can relate from my childhood. It just looks like 'being poor' is now a widespread condition. But yes, I remember being quite poor when I was young, and I realize how bad being poor sucks.

Fame without the corresponding riches.  Opposite of my desires in childhood.

And maybe I'm too introverted for this. Or maybe it's paranoia about defective people. Who knows.

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