Tuesday, October 17, 2017

I Actually Received a Payment!

After I stopped publishing through AuthorHouse, I started publishing through Lulu.com. And then I also started publishing ebooks through Kindle KDP, and a company called Smashwords.

Smashwords has finally paid up. I stopped publishing my books through them quite some time ago, so it's been quite a while without any money ---- but today I finally received a notification or an email telling me that they have actually paid me a bit of money now.

It took a long time of waiting.

Similar to this one time it took like a few months or a year or something to receive a payment from Amazon.

Of course, these payments are very small, so it's almost meaningless --- but it's still nice to see some money come in.

It took so long.


I got a piece of TItanium implanted into my Jaw today. In three months I'll be ready to have a new tooth.

Does this make me a cyborg?


And last night I was having thoughts about how people are so indebted in my country and how Avril's foundation, the Red Cross, and the UN's ShareTheMeal programs are all having difficulty actually receiving funds for their charitable purposes.

I used to be in "big" debt with very limited funding.

Mormonism teaches something similar to The Secret --- and that book's sequel, "The Power" ---- you get what you give.

I was going deep into debt when I initially published my first book ---- and as I went into that debt, I decided I would also donate money to charity.

I actually ended up donating quite a bit of money to charity.  And I'm often helping this person and that.

And things have worked out pretty good for me.

It's like the idea of "Karma" --- I did something good for other people, and the universe turns around and does something good for me.

I did manage to pay off that big debt.  I do actually have a positive net worth now as well.  And I was just able to afford a dental implant when I needed it, as well, as finally receive a payment from one publisher.

Maybe you can take this kind of spiritual mumbo-jumbo with a grain of salt if you wish, but I do believe in Karma, or you get what you give. If you give good things, then you will get good things.

And I am in good enough financial position to get a broken tooth replaced.

So, my small suggestion to people would just be to set some money aside to help people who are in very unfortunate circumstances. I believe the Universe will recognize your generosity and help you somehow in return.

Such an idea appears to have done me some good (as well as other people in the world).

Monday, October 16, 2017

A Charity with issues

Today is civic election day in Calgary. I voted. I did not publically declare support for any candidate, however, nor did I have any dreams about who would win. A little while back I just kind of wondered to myself if being involved in politics was a great idea --- especially as I hate it when political parties phone asking for money.

But as I was headed out the door today with my Dad and brother, I was stopped by two people from the Canadian Red Cross.

Their goal was to find funding to help people in the local community. Like, to deal with bullying, homelessness, seniors' care and stuff like that.

The main speaker from the Red Cross who spoke to us was a woman who identified herself as a Professor of Biology at a local University.

She said that money that gets sent to the Red Cross online is mostly used and taken up by disaster relief efforts. She said there was very little for little smaller community initiatives, and the local initiatives were what she was trying to raise money for.

I told her about that letter I received from the Red Cross a while back that said there aren't many people who care/donate to the Red Cross.

From the perspective of seeing her as an underfunded Red Cross fundraiser, I could see how the letter from the Red Cross was truthful.

But talking to her she seemed to dismiss what the Red Cross said in the letter and basically seemed to have a sort of attitude that the disaster relief people were hoarding all the money or something ---- maybe it just wasn't quite clear what she was trying to say.

It wasn't easy to make a decision to donate to her cause especially as she was looking for a minimum of $20 each month, and neither my credit card nor my chequing account had that much available at that time.

But, after coming home from our trip and seeing what I think I can do, I've decided to start donating $10 each month to the Red Cross.

It's not much, but each little bit helps ---- I'm wary of how much I can really afford to give, especially when Youtube has made it clear it's a very good idea to have savings, and I know it's a good idea to have savings for situations like the one I face now where I'm getting a tooth replaced by an implant. Expensive, but a good idea to have savings for that.

And tomorrow is the day I get my Titanium installed in my mouth. It's scary and exciting.

But seriously, I can see from sales that people might not be able to pay for much of anything, and the news says it's normal for your average Canadian to be in deep debt. And the Red Cross is definitely feeling underfunded.

Personally, I feel a bit underfunded too, because I can't afford my own place to live or a car to drive. But I will donate what I can.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Stopping Projects because of similarities

Back in 2013, I was at my Uncle's wedding in BC with his new wife (he divorced the old one).

On this wedding trip, I had read two books, Animal Farm and another extremely difficult piece of literature ---- and after having read those books I started feeling an urge to write a sort of sequel for The Eagle's Sore.

I wrote about 3,000-4,000 words of this new book on that trip, for a while I was really "in the groove" for my new project.

There were two main things that encouraged me to stop the project and give up:

1) Complete lack of sales from anything I ever tried selling. This was before my OUYA days. My books just weren't being paid for. (and still aren't being paid for on that matter.)

2) The main character or a main character for this new book was a bear.  A bear in the Old West province of the story. I called the species of the bear a "wasteland bear".

Just months later Avril Lavigne released her music video for "Rock n Roll". Even if it wasn't the same as I was imagining, I realized someone might think there were too many similarities between her video and my book, so I gave up.

I'm not entirely sure what inspired her to make her music video that way, except I didn't feel like releasing my book when it had enough comparable-ness to her video.

WELL -- it's happened again. And this time, I'm really not sure how.

Remember that new video game project that I gave up on because nobody cared and nobody donated?

All I had for that project were my ideas, and some or most of these basic ideas I wrote down in a notebook.

Well, there is now a movie on Netflix that uses a similar sort of idea.

There is one word I use in a special way in my idea for a game ---- and just a while later a Netflix movie was released that uses the same word in a similar way, kind of a 25%-50% match in how the word is used compared to my idea.

Of course, this just won't do. Another reason for me to give up.

Is there any reason how this could happen? It's like, a huge coincidence.

Is someone just hacking my computer files --- or is it more likely a telepathy kind of thing where the inspiration hits more than one mind?

I just thought I'd post this post to explain something a little interesting, as well as to explain another reason why I probably won't get started on that idea I had. One aspect of it was just a little too similar to a movie.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Now I'm just concerned - or confused

OK --- so our family screens phone calls a lot of the time --- there's enough garbage on the phone lines out there that we'll often just let it go to voicemail or the answering machine if we don't recognize the number --- this is a good strategy actually, it helps keep us safe.

So ---- those random phone calls from various Calgary and Toronto numbers have stopped --- at least for now.

On the last call from Toronto, the search I did put the phone number in a +1 (xyz)xyz-xyza format and didn't tell me anything.

This morning I did the search on the same phone number in the xyz-xyz-xyza format and got a result.

My Mormon Mother would never approve. And I'm pretty leery about it myself too.

So::: why would a photographer call me?  And then why would an adult film/photo actress call me? I have no idea. Weird how that happened.

I'm definitely keeping my phone on "Do Not Disturb".

Just interesting that this would happen during the same period of time that I get followed on twitter by a couple female musicians. Huh.

Anyway ---- what urged me to write this post was this::::

A year or two ago I got a phone call from someone who wanted to talk to me about the Markets - he said he was from a financial company of some kind, but didn't specify which one --- I wasn't interested.

Some months ago I got a phone call from a store or shop in Balzac -- which I screened, but I thought that was pretty strange.

Well, just a little while ago our home phone got a call from..... well, the phone number was listed on an investment website for an oil exploration company. And there were other similar companies which historically also used the same phone number.

Now, THIS is just getting weird.

If I did make my "mint" from selling my projects, I am definitely living well below my means because I'm not totally sure what's going on.

I don't understand why it's important to talk to me about markets or have oil exploration companies phone when my investment account has never really exceeded 10k or even 9k in value and I'm not really a big player.

Right now, my investment account has less than $600CAD worth in it. My savings account is for a future dental payment.

I don't have a lot to go around, especially for investment. I may be rich because I'm not in a tonne of debt, but I'm pretty low on the "richness scale" anyway.

It doesn't make sense to me that my level of wealth would be a big deal to an investment company UNLESS I somehow made a lot of money, which I haven't really been told about, or whatever.

I realize there's a possibility I may have made a lot of money, but if anything that money is being hidden from me - I don't have control. maybe because me and/or my brother are considered disabled.

It's just a big mystery to me.

A least I was able to stop feeling nervous and calm down.

Now I just wonder.


About when I wrote the above post, or shortly after I wrote the above post --- I received another phone call from Toronto.

Of course, "Do Not Disturb" kept me from having to deal with it -----

so I did what research I could ----

Nothing on Google.

I did another kind of search, and got "a name".

I searched the name: There's a movie from 2015 that shares the name.

Then I did a "*name* Toronto" search --- LinkedIn says there are over 100 people in Toronto with that name.

It's not a name I ever hear, so it's unique, as well as from a different culture.

This is just getting weird.

Who knows --- maybe I'm in trouble or something. Or maybe it's a "good" thing.

I can only suspect at this point that it's some kind of entertainment industry thing ---- and I don't know how to accept it.

Can't they just write me an email? In English? Or leave a message on my voicemail?

If something new is coming my way --- it's good to know my Mom will be retiring from her job, because if for who knows what reason I'm about to find something to do ---- it would be great if my transportation revolved around my schedule rather than my Mom's

I still can't even drive a car!!! Yeah, anyway.

So I wonder how good or bad whatever this is could be. Should I open the door?

Like, am I in trouble?

Am I going to be pressured into something I'd rather not?

Or is this going to be an actual good thing?

I'm not sure what to fully expect from these phone calls --- but I also suspect my family may have difficulty with it at this point. Our schedules revolve around my Mom's job right now.

Thursday, October 5, 2017

I'm getting nervous

So, I am still getting either daily or nearly daily phone calls from "random" or various different Calgary or Toronto phone numbers.

Today was a Toronto number.

I do my research - usually, I find no information about who it could be.

My phone is in a consistent state of "DO NOT DISTURB" ---- I feel very nervous or anxious or something about getting unsolicited phone calls.

If you want to say something to me, leave a message, or write an email. Heck ---- you can even text me!!

But yeah, I did get an email today::: for a Ward 7 Candidate's campaign in the civic election. Not relevant to me, but OK --- it was an acceptable form of communication.

Today I got followed on Twitter by yet another musician!!

Very calm music, from Brenda Xu. On Spotify, they say she has had song placements on MTV and Nickelodeon.

And I also talked to my aunt and her husband today.

Turns out my step-cousin, Kristine St.-Pierre, is going to release another album::: In FRENCH.

Her first album, "Call Me Crazy", is in French and English, and I enjoyed it well enough.

And me, seeing this attention I'm getting, I just feel kind of nervous or even fearful about it ---- I've been through so much crap in my life that I'm not sure if getting attention from people is a good thing - especially when they've neglected to pay me for any of my work.

I did a month of one poll on this blog::: and no one could answer the poll apparently. Sheesh.

My life has been so full of trouble ---- I think I am just nervous or scared of having to deal with people on a larger scale.

And here I am ---- just trying to get by on a modest income, paying for hefty but important expenses and I couldn't afford to build another product when I felt like it - not that anyone was going to pay me anyways.

I am so thankful that my life has been as good as it has been, I've had my good moments, which is awesome,

because I fear how bad things could've been, considering all the trouble.

I am even busy to answer the phone. Usually, when the phone rings, I'm already busy with something else. And I have things I do, and my schedule does revolve around someone else's day --- so live with it. And I don't get paid enough.

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Feeling too Good

I don't currently have any ebooks on sale anymore:: I took my ebooks offline a while back.

But a couple nights ago I decided to look up on Google if there were any ebooks by me available online.

I found a site that lets you download The Eagle's Sore ---- the page said they had 729 ratings for my book, and the rating was 4.2/5.

Seeing such a good rating, of course, helped me feel good, and I was also feeling pretty good about how famous I had become ----

But, of course, nobody has actually paid me for my book yet.

Two things:

1) If those 729 people had actually paid me for my book, I would be a lot closer to getting started on work on my next project.

2) Feeling so good about my good rating, I started feeling high, especially as I don't get my psychiatric injection for a few days.

What I found about feeling too high is that it's hard to sleep, and it isn't necessarily a good thing to feel that way all the time.

My regular injection flattens me out, I'm sure,

But I needed something to help get rid of that feeling.

So I took some Seroquel I had from a while back ---- it helped me sleep --- but I also noticed it got rid of that super-high feeling. Yay.

I'm going to have to ask my Psychiatrist for some Paliperidone tablets or something for these last few days before injection. I've noticed I start feeling weird as the last injection starts wearing off, as I head to my next injection.

So, for some strange reason, this site that has a copy of my ebook for download said the publisher was in LONDON.

I am so confused by that. I have no recollection of using a London Publisher - ever - and of course, it's just too bad for me that I didn't get paid.

That money could have helped me work on my next project ---- so who knows if I'll even feel like working on my next project when I am able to do so.


When I listened to LDS General Conference, what I heard sounded so good. I felt good, it sounded good, so why would I have room in my mind for the opposition?

I may have felt pretty hypnotized or something to be Mormon again, listening to Conference ---

but this morning I remembered some of my confusion of Doctrine that tells me I'm not likely to go back to church.

Here's what I remembered, what I'm confused about:

1) D&C 64

2) "I'm trying to be like Jesus".

In D&C 64 we learn that the Lord picks and chooses who he forgives and who he punishes --- but for "us" it is required to forgive all men.

The church tells us that Jesus wants us to be like Him, that we are trying to be like Jesus.

This is where my confusion lies:

If I was trying to be like Jesus, that would mean I forgive and punish the same people Jesus forgives and punishes the same way ----

But I am required to forgive all men -----

Therefore I'll never quite be like Jesus.

It's weird::: They tell us we are trying to be like someone who we are never actually allowed to be like. It's the goal they give us which is unattainable.

To be like Jesus, as they say, I should be, I would do the same things he does ---- except according to the actual rules I'm NOT ACTUALLY ALLOWED to actually be like the savior.

So at that point, it all seems very confusing and like a useless waste of time.