Sunday, September 24, 2017

What Should I Fear?

The above Facebook notification, along with a substantially increased viewership of this blog, and I'm wondering how it is I don't make any money.

Interestingly::: I make the vast majority of my money from the government.

I get paid by the public purse. Private individuals or companies seem to not want to pay me.

Legally, lawfully, the government has to give me my right to Freedom of Speech (Alberta Bill of Rights), Freedom of Expression, Freedom of Opinion and Freedom of Belief, Freedom of the Press etc, these are my rights, and I can use them as I wish.

If for some reason, there is some kind of big problem with me, it would be a private individual, company or corporation with the problem ---- the government is mostly free about this stuff, individuals and companies can be far more constricting I'm guessing.

So, I've obviously gathered some attention with the absolutely seriously too bad life I've lived ----

Anyway ------ in some ways, shapes or forms I could fear punishment or reprisal from whoever for anything I've ever said ---- I realize that's a possibility.

But the government, the lawgiver, the law upholder, has a view of morality where I am mostly free.

People don't want to pay me for my work, or companies deem me undesirable to pay ----- but the government funds me because I have a valid viewpoint based on a lifetime of experiences.

I realize some things I say may seem "off" in some way shape or form --- but my life overall has been very "off" so what can you expect me to talk about?

Of course, I would love to make a lot of money and buy a house and a car and live my life to the fullest ------

But until people start honestly paying me for my work, I will just have to live with what the government gives me, which is enough to live quite comfortably with my parents.

Just so many people visiting this blog and I don't see much or any money from it. Something is weird.


On the topic of mental illness, I and my brother were both diagnosed years ago with the most severe mental illness in the books:: schizophrenia.

He and I are actually quite intelligent, but sometimes, or on past occasions, our brains just stopped working.  But meds help us get better.

The mental hospital experience has actually been mostly or very good.  In some ways, I might find some doctors may be questionable ---- but the doctor I've had for the past years is a very good doctor and the experience has been very positive.

Actually, the mental hospital is one of the sanest environments I could be in. I am more sheltered as an adult than I was as a kid.

The thing about psychiatry is this:::: a delusional belief is a belief that you have which is CONSIDERED to be false and fixed, generally because most people in your society do not share the same belief or viewpoint.

So, growing up in Mormonism, if you don't agree with Mormonism, then you are considered delusional because you aren't jiving with the society you live in.

It's interesting because Western Society would find many beliefs of Mormon society to be entirely questionable, and vice versa.

So, having grown up in Mormonism in the society of the western world, but not in Utah, I grew up in two societies that had completely conflicting beliefs and viewpoints.

Maybe that has something to do with why I'm mentally ill.

My psychiatrist told me that Masturbation is normal and healthy, that is is actually a GOOD thing to do because it helps prevent serious crime -----

While the Mormon church would try to repudiate or refute this viewpoint because all I ever knew in Mormonism is how wrong and condemnable masturbation practices are.

That is just one example.

So yeah, I'm crazy, I have been diagnosed with the most severe mental illness and there have been times when my brain basically stopped working ------

just realize that in my environment I've been raised in two societies, Mormon, and Western Culture ---- and these two societies definitely do NOT see eye to eye about how things are or should be.

Maybe that explains a bit of the problem.

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