Friday, September 1, 2017

6 Pennies

I was just sitting down at my computer to write something when I found some coins on my mousepad.

I immediately had to ask my Dad if he or my brother had put anything on my mousepad.

Thankfully, my Dad admitted that he put the coins there.

If no one had admitted it, I would have been really wondering how six 1984 pennies found their way onto the mouse pad of my bedroom desktop (which is an old Linux machine).


SOOO:: weeks ago I was composting my k-cups and found 10cents of Canadian tire money with my coffee ---- my Dad claims that was also him.


Six pennies, ten cents, all from my Dad.  Why? Who knows.  It would be interesting if i was just hearing voices that sounded like Dad admitting these small-money placements, because:::

A week or two ago I was sitting around when I heard a female voice call my name.


I asked my Mom if she called me. Nope.

In fact --- Nobody else had heard the voice.


Maybe I was hallucinating, but my Mom does admit that hearing your name called by a disembodied voice is actually a pretty common occurrence. It's more normal than you'd think.


Thing about my recent name calling experience:: it happened in the presence of a member of the local LDS Bishopric ----- so for years now I've had this old discussion with past church leaders about the voice of the holy ghost my Patriarchal blessing said I would hear ---- the voice I did hear ---- and then the leaders were in denial -------- so for whatever reason, a currently uncommon experience for me of hearing a voice happened in the presence of a member of the local bishopric.  As if the spirits were challenging him or the church or something (cuz the church denies such voices, even though they originally taught such voices are real --- I have no idea).



So:::: two small money receipts that the voice of my Dad claims to have given me, maybe it was my Dad, except it might've been reality distortion of some kind like when I heard a disembodied voice in the presence of a member of the local bishopric which may have been a spirit challenging church leadership about their denial of previous revelations I had received.


There.


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But the above story isn't what I originally sat down at the computer to write about. The above story is me getting side tracked by me finding 6 1984 pennies mysteriously placed on my mousepad.


What I really wanted to talk about was this:::


All my life as a Mormon, I was always told to forgive everyone and everything. I was always taking so much shit from people because I wasn't allowed to lift a finger in response to anyone's misdeeds. I was always threatened with the greater condemnation.


So, back in 2001 or 2002 at since, when I violently rebelled against my parents and the church:::::


Guess what? I asked my Dad if the bishop ever told him that he was required to forgive me.


Actually::: My Dad admitted to me that there was never a requirement to forgive me. I just receive punishments for everything.



So yeah, there was some kind of double standard going on where I was always required to forgive everyone and everything,


But when I did ANYTHING that might be perceived as wrong, there was no requirement to forgive me, and I would get punished.



It's weird, because I always tried to be such a good kid --------- I'm always taking shit from people, never allowed to respond, but the same requirement to forgive me was not extended back in my direction::::


It was always me taking shit from people, and me always taking punishments.


I could never punish anyone for anything, and I never got forgiven for things either.


That was actually pretty abusive I'd say.  I was one of the best kids, I was great in school and tried to behave myself as well as possible -------



But I was never allowed to respond to abuses I received, and if I did the slightest thing wrong, I got punished ------



The bishop never told anyone that they were required to forgive me.


I was always required to forgive everyone, but no one was required to forgive me.


Why was that?? Who knows.  But it was absolute bullshit for the church to do that to me.


Just saying::: IN my experience I was always told to forgive,


but my Dad was never told to forgive me.




Something was seriously wrong.

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