Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Spoiler Alert (a book I read)

I just finished reading a book.

At the end of the story, it turns out the bulk of the book was just the psychiatrist's delusions of what she thought happened, she created her own world, and though she was a doctor she was also a patient --- she had created a delusional world of her own  and the story I read was her delusions (hallucinations also involved I'm guessing).

That really gets me thinking about myself and my own life.

How much of any reality I experience for myself is ever actually real?

I'm considered Schizophrenic --- and this book is causing me to question pretty much anything I ever thought might ever be real.



The sad thing for me is, is a grew up in a church ---- and looking back I now know the church was crazy, that the church wasn't fully real or intelligent ----- but I was raised in a delusional belief system constantly being told the whole church was totally true.


If I had delusions, many of them likely stemmed from growing up in that church--- being told a bunch of nonsense and being told to have faith it in.


But my life went from being raised delusional, to actually experiencing very strange and interesting things.



How much was any of that real?



I know, from certain pieces of evidence, that the LDS Church was not completely right, they had some interesting beliefs, they had some good things about them, but they had some completely big problems too.


Whatever I experience --- how much of it is ever real?



Do I only hallucinate my reality?



How much do I really know about anything?



The church gave me interesting belief system ---- but now I know quite a lot of that could have been complete hogwash ---- so how much of what I thought I experienced was real, and how much wasn't?




There are so many things that happened ---- I'm often told I'm just crazy ---- sometimes being told I'm crazy might just be a lack of faith ---- but how much of my reality really is real? Who knows.



Anyway, it's just a book that makes a schizophrenia patient question anything he ever thought he knew.



The debate about psychic reality is kind of skewed when you go to school learning about psychic spies as part of the education system, and they show psychic tv shows on educational channels --- and then the doctors deny any such thing ever exists ---- obviously something is wrong.


Either the doctor is wrong to deny it, or the education system is wrong to teach it.


But eventually my latest doctor did admit that such things were real, so that's good to know --- there might be some more reality to my experiences than previously thought.


But the book can really make you question your whole reality.



I know there's more to reality when I can know what is about to happen or what someone is about to say --- when I can think thoughts and that appears to change the world.


Maybe I'm just living my own dream ----- but this is all I know.


But seriously ----- though it doesn't happen all the time and it doesn't always work, sometimes you can know what's going to happen next, just by psychically expecting it.



It's weird, but that's how I've seen it.



So who knows, maybe I'm just a brain in a jar and I hallucinate everything, like that one movie some time ago ---- but anyway, I see reality my way ---- who knows what's ever really real.

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