As you might imagine, as a poor young man I had some desire to grow to be rich.
All these years later, with my 10-some-odd projects that I've completed:: I give the world SO MUCH AMPLE opportunity to each give me some small bit of money.
Typically, I do all this work for nothing. Nobody has anything to offer me, even if I ask for just 99cents to 3 bucks or even pay-what-you-choose.
No one can let me have anything. I am reliant on disability, and I'm on disability because of all the abuse I previously took in life.
Maybe people just don't like me -- in some small way I might understand that --- but in another way, I didn't get to choose the origins of my life, and how my community decided to raise me was not my fault. I did my best with what I could.
But now the community just decides not to reward me for any work.
My freebies and free products or even illegal rip offs are taken in droves--- I mean, hundreds to thousands of people will take something from me for free.
But the small payments I ask for? Zip. Zilch. Pretty close to nothing [reported].
Earlier this morning I was thinking about my life and I realized something::::
When I do a good job, or if I'm just a normal person:: I face either no reward, or I get hated or punished --- for doing good right or normal things.
But when I thought about those small circumstances in my life where I defected --- where I did things that people would typically consider wrong or very wrong ---- that seems to be when I get the most rewards in my life.
I usually try to be a good person and do the right thing, but looking back on my life, I just see more rewards for doing wrong, and more nothing or worse (punishment) for doing right.
That's just how I see my life, looking back.
It doesn't make any goddamn sense at all, but that is how I am remembering the events of my life. Not going into detail.
So either people just don't pay me, or if people have paid me, the money likely gets diverted out of my own hands.
From my perspective, it seems possible that my parents control what I earn, but who knows, maybe my parents are just a lot wealthier now than they were when I was a kid. yeah, they probably are.
At this point in my life, this might even be the wealthiest I might ever be in my life ---- but yeah, I'm just not used to the kind of wealth my family currently experiences, I'm used to being a lot lower in the societal economic hierarchy.
Maybe it's just the socialist government Alberta currently has -- who knows.
It's too bad when your family status goes up under socialism ---- but who knows, you never know if that's actually a normal effect of such a government for most people.
But seriously::: I am not used to the kind of money I have now, and reportedly that doesn't even include payment for my own work. Either I don't get paid, or it gets diverted -- that simple.
I get no rewards or even punished for good or normal behavior,
While when I defect, that seems to be when good things happen.
And nobody can pay 99cents to 3 bucks for any amount of any work, while if it's free, anyone within the sound of my voice is way more likely to take it.
Honesty just isn't a big thing in our society I guess.