Friday, June 23, 2017

It's kind of good or was supposed to be

I was sitting around this morning, thinking about my family, life, and growing up in the Mormon church.

I realized something.  The Mormon church actually has some pretty good things about it. It tries to do something good.

The unfortunate thing, in my experience - it all went wrong.

I was actually a PRETTY GOOD Mormon. I really tried hard to be a good Mormon. And there were good things about that.

The problem was that many Mormons, including in my own family - just didn't do what they were supposed to, so it all fell apart.

Here's where part of the thought process comes from:::: From what I understand of the Mormon temple covenants, the temple covenants are really nothing new.  You get taught all or most of those covenants even before you go to the temple.

In fact, to me it appears like this:::

You get baptized. You get taught the rules, and you have covenanted to follow them.

You go to church every Sunday, you take of the sacrament to renew your covenants.

You go to the temple. This is where you REALLY renew your covenants, essentially. Or something.


Really, the temple covenants are no surprise and nothing new when you grow up in Mormonism.

You were taught to follow these rules right from the beginning.



I think part of the problem lies, like in my personal experience, where I was the only kid who paid attention in Sunday school. I remember Sunday school well ---- everyone didn't care, I really was basically the only kid who paid attention to the teacher.

Everyone else went to the temple, a lot served missions, but I personally did neither.

I was actually really gung-ho for the church, but there was something wrong, the concept of which can just be embodied by the concept that most students in Sunday school just didn't listen to anything.




So, there are good things in Mormonism.  It just really stopped working for me when people weren't following the rules, and when the rules suddenly changed and became the opposite of what they were supposed to be without warning.


There are many examples of people, not following rules, so I won't go into detail ----

but an example of the rules or teachings changing is like this:::: Since primary as a kid, and to my patriarchal blessing, the church ALWAYS taught the "still small voice" of the Holy Ghost, even as a disembodied actual voice.

By the time I grew up, the teaching changed to how there is no voice from God and you have to take your meds if you hear it.


Clearly, there was something wrong.


There was so much good in the church, but it was basically "bait and switch" --- where they teach you one thing growing up all the time, and then when you get older it suddenly becomes different -- which made no sense to me.  It may also be considered a form of psychological abuse called "gaslighting".


But it's interesting to note how the temple covenants are really nothing new since the day you were baptized, and somehow the people whose baptismal covenants "didn't stick" went to the temple, while I, who took my baptismal covenant seriously, never went to the temple.



I got so annoyed with Mormonism over time, but I do realize there were supposed to be some good things about it.  People just didn't do what they were supposed to.


And maybe some of the rules in the church were kind of arbitrary or only partially great, maybe they were kind of just like guidelines for young people ---- I mean, the rules had some good use about them, even if they weren't totally necessary. There was some good to the rules, even if they were not absolutely necessary rules (it really depends on your perspective on what rules should be --- the rules might be questionable, but I do realize that they did some good, even if I myself don't follow them anymore).





I guess a major point of this post is just to note that the church teaches you to be accountable and follow the rules at age 8 ----- but somehow so many young people don't seem to get the message by age 18, and they have to retry to reteach the same concepts over again.



ADDITIONAL::::::

Perhaps I'm just feeling like trying to seem positive about LDS Mormonism because my Mom went to the LDS Temple this morning, so maybe there's a spiritual force or force of mind control acting on me trying to make me benevolent towards the church.

So, yes, there were some good things about the church. A lot of people just didn't do what they were supposed to, however.


But when you get past the surface of the church's skin, there does eventually come up issues that don't really make a lot of sense ---- so in that way there are problems.


By the time I was 17 years old in the church, the teaching "DO WHAT YOUR LEADERS TELL YOU - EVEN IF YOU DON't AGREE/EVEN IF YOU THINK IT'S WRONG" was highly prevalent in my ward or stake ---- basically, someone was getting everyone in line to just follow orders.


My orders were this::: "Forgive them, but don't talk to them. Follow the council of your psychiatric doctors" ---- The doctors basically told me the church wasn't actually true.


So, I was told to forgive without the communications --- those in themselves are self-contradictory instructions.

But all my life I was being brainwashed with how true the church is, and the orders are to follow the leaders, and the leader's orders are to follow the doctors, and the doctor's orders are to disbelieve in the Church.

Something wasn't making sense.


So, things stopped working for me in that church ---- it just fell apart.  But somehow some of my family members do not seem to realize how messed up things got, so they continue with the church, and it's beyond me how they figured out to do that. Obviously, there is something wrong with my family's heads - which I have actually known and realized since I was very young.


yeah, life can be pretty painful sometimes. Luckily, I'm doing OK these days, beyond losing my money to dental expenses.

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