Friday, June 30, 2017

Screenshot Evidence of an Oddity

As you might imagine, I would like to have as amiable a solution to my royalty problem as possible, if even people would just give me a bitcoin donation on this blog if they read my book(s) or played my video games(s). I don't want to have any fights.

But I also tell the truth, and the truth I'm about to tell is about a strange thing I noticed in my screenshots of all the reporting and news I get from the various sites:::

The following screenshot displayed on this post is a cropped image of Chromium on Linux Mint looking at my Amazon Kindle Royalty Report, or sales report.

What's strange about this image, is the title of the page at the top of the image. Most websites have titles. The title, on a pc, gets displayed in the bar at the top of the browser window.

For some strange and incoherent reason, Amazon titled their royalty report page as "Kindle Direct Publishing Terms of Service".

Huh. Obviously, someone is not dotting their i's and crossing their t's.

The page displayed has very little to do with showing the Terms of Service of KDP. It's the royalty and sales report page. Yet they entitle it "Terms of Service", which is not what it is.

Just saying, there's something strange.

Again, I don't want a big fight, and in my last blogger post I explained my reasons for unpublishing. So this is just more potential or possible evidence.

(And yes, I took a whole bunch of screenshots, the screenshots say that something is not making sense and that people weren't paying me).

Thursday, June 29, 2017

I Unpublished my Amazon Kindle Ebooks

So, in the coming time, you should start seeing that my Amazon Kindle Ebooks --- ALL of them --- will no longer be available.

Why? I am unpublishing them.


Years ago I bought a Kindle ebook from myself when AuthorHouse was my publisher. The sale wasn't reported, yet I was able to prove there was a sale and they then gave me the royalty. This was a sign that something was wrong.

Just this past month, I decided to advertise The Eagle's Sore on Amazon's service. Lots of people clicked my link, but there were no reported sales. In fact, according to the TES ebook web page on Amazon, the book just hit the bestseller list, which should mean it did sell a copy --- but still, no sale reported.

Then there are a number of reports that you can Google that say Amazon does, in fact, have shady business practices.

Well, ALL these years, having distributed so many books, and yet not getting paid for it, something is clearly wrong ---- so I'm taking down my Kindle Ebooks.

I'm pretty sure my books had wide or at least somewhat massive distribution --- I was once contacted by a man from Africa who really really liked me for my Mormonism, and this would only have happened from reading my book ------ but I don't really get paid.

Basically, something was wrong, so I think I'm going to start restricting my book distribution to this website.

Maybe I'll keep the paperbacks going ---- but if I do publish my next book, I'll probably keep it only on this website for availability.

So, now at this point, my book should become only available as a paperback. No more Kindle --- no more ebooks. Something just wasn't working.


Someone wanted to sign my public email up for a dating website. I mean, it's so weird how much misuse my email gets, while actual legitimate use is extremely limited.

And this isn't the first time someone tried to sign me up for a dating website.

Anyway, I'm not very interested in girls or relationships anymore. When I wasn't making money from my work, that was a sign that I shouldn't reproduce. I can't afford it.

Should I Recant?

A while back I posted about the Christopher Nemelka phenomena, saying at first I was excited about it, but by the end of the post, I didn't really feel like reading another book of "scripture" and decided to stay away.

Well, the other day I found a youtube channel that actually posted the first chapter of The Sealed Portion as an audio-visual ebook, so I had a look, just to see what it was like, also because it was easy to access and would give me some idea of what's going on with that whole story.

Well, the first chapter of the book explained a lot.

My family is really not too interested in this book, but now that I've read the first chapter, I can see how it props up Joseph Smith, puts the critics to rest, and shows how the LDS church of today got it wrong --- all of which more or less makes sense.

It's potentially logical, just from the first chapter of this book, that The Sealed Portion translated by Christopher Nemelka is actually the real thing --- I don't know absolutely certain it's the real thing, but it seems to be potentially possible and logically realistic.

I mean, there are lots of things about Mormonism that don't make sense, and maybe Mormonism isn't really true in the end anyways,

but I do have a testimony of actual miracles in Mormonism, so if there's a godly reality to that --- then The Sealed Portion might explain this, and I realize that just from the first chapter.

I didn't read the whole book. The price tag on Amazon is a bit steep for my budget right now, having to pay for dental work, but I did get interested.

Yeah, basically, the first chapter presented on Youtube did seem to explain things. I was like "Woah -- if Mormonism is true, then this could be the answer."

So yeah, there you go.

One thing I said all those months or years ago when I initially heard of Christopher Nemelka is that his story was completely the kind of thing an actual Mormon WOULD believe in.  It's the kind of thing that Mormonism was built on.

So yeah, there.

Just kind of recanting my statement to "stay away".

Friday, June 23, 2017

It's kind of good or was supposed to be

I was sitting around this morning, thinking about my family, life, and growing up in the Mormon church.

I realized something.  The Mormon church actually has some pretty good things about it. It tries to do something good.

The unfortunate thing, in my experience - it all went wrong.

I was actually a PRETTY GOOD Mormon. I really tried hard to be a good Mormon. And there were good things about that.

The problem was that many Mormons, including in my own family - just didn't do what they were supposed to, so it all fell apart.

Here's where part of the thought process comes from:::: From what I understand of the Mormon temple covenants, the temple covenants are really nothing new.  You get taught all or most of those covenants even before you go to the temple.

In fact, to me it appears like this:::

You get baptized. You get taught the rules, and you have covenanted to follow them.

You go to church every Sunday, you take of the sacrament to renew your covenants.

You go to the temple. This is where you REALLY renew your covenants, essentially. Or something.

Really, the temple covenants are no surprise and nothing new when you grow up in Mormonism.

You were taught to follow these rules right from the beginning.

I think part of the problem lies, like in my personal experience, where I was the only kid who paid attention in Sunday school. I remember Sunday school well ---- everyone didn't care, I really was basically the only kid who paid attention to the teacher.

Everyone else went to the temple, a lot served missions, but I personally did neither.

I was actually really gung-ho for the church, but there was something wrong, the concept of which can just be embodied by the concept that most students in Sunday school just didn't listen to anything.

So, there are good things in Mormonism.  It just really stopped working for me when people weren't following the rules, and when the rules suddenly changed and became the opposite of what they were supposed to be without warning.

There are many examples of people, not following rules, so I won't go into detail ----

but an example of the rules or teachings changing is like this:::: Since primary as a kid, and to my patriarchal blessing, the church ALWAYS taught the "still small voice" of the Holy Ghost, even as a disembodied actual voice.

By the time I grew up, the teaching changed to how there is no voice from God and you have to take your meds if you hear it.

Clearly, there was something wrong.

There was so much good in the church, but it was basically "bait and switch" --- where they teach you one thing growing up all the time, and then when you get older it suddenly becomes different -- which made no sense to me.  It may also be considered a form of psychological abuse called "gaslighting".

But it's interesting to note how the temple covenants are really nothing new since the day you were baptized, and somehow the people whose baptismal covenants "didn't stick" went to the temple, while I, who took my baptismal covenant seriously, never went to the temple.

I got so annoyed with Mormonism over time, but I do realize there were supposed to be some good things about it.  People just didn't do what they were supposed to.

And maybe some of the rules in the church were kind of arbitrary or only partially great, maybe they were kind of just like guidelines for young people ---- I mean, the rules had some good use about them, even if they weren't totally necessary. There was some good to the rules, even if they were not absolutely necessary rules (it really depends on your perspective on what rules should be --- the rules might be questionable, but I do realize that they did some good, even if I myself don't follow them anymore).

I guess a major point of this post is just to note that the church teaches you to be accountable and follow the rules at age 8 ----- but somehow so many young people don't seem to get the message by age 18, and they have to retry to reteach the same concepts over again.


Perhaps I'm just feeling like trying to seem positive about LDS Mormonism because my Mom went to the LDS Temple this morning, so maybe there's a spiritual force or force of mind control acting on me trying to make me benevolent towards the church.

So, yes, there were some good things about the church. A lot of people just didn't do what they were supposed to, however.

But when you get past the surface of the church's skin, there does eventually come up issues that don't really make a lot of sense ---- so in that way there are problems.

By the time I was 17 years old in the church, the teaching "DO WHAT YOUR LEADERS TELL YOU - EVEN IF YOU DON't AGREE/EVEN IF YOU THINK IT'S WRONG" was highly prevalent in my ward or stake ---- basically, someone was getting everyone in line to just follow orders.

My orders were this::: "Forgive them, but don't talk to them. Follow the council of your psychiatric doctors" ---- The doctors basically told me the church wasn't actually true.

So, I was told to forgive without the communications --- those in themselves are self-contradictory instructions.

But all my life I was being brainwashed with how true the church is, and the orders are to follow the leaders, and the leader's orders are to follow the doctors, and the doctor's orders are to disbelieve in the Church.

Something wasn't making sense.

So, things stopped working for me in that church ---- it just fell apart.  But somehow some of my family members do not seem to realize how messed up things got, so they continue with the church, and it's beyond me how they figured out to do that. Obviously, there is something wrong with my family's heads - which I have actually known and realized since I was very young.

yeah, life can be pretty painful sometimes. Luckily, I'm doing OK these days, beyond losing my money to dental expenses.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

I actually got a real email!!!

holy crap --- I actually got a REAL email.

It comes from someone at the University of Toronto.

They're advertising a job opening.

Something about handling delinquent accounts.

1) I can't handle the people who don't pay me - am I the best for the job at this point?

2) Maybe I could gain experience in dealing with people who don't pay.

If it's in Ontario, then I'd have to move and lose my Alberta benefits ---- probably not the best move.

Actually ---- I will note that it did cross my mind that maybe if my email is censored, that it's censored because if people email me, why should I want to talk to them if they don't pay me a small amount for my work?  And, well, most people just don't pay - so maybe whoever might be censoring me is just protecting me, perhaps.

But yeah, just interesting to get an ACTUAL email.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

I have few to no friends

I write a lot. I have a lot of things to say, and I have been this way for years.

Thank you, people, who visit this blog, because if you didn't visit this blog I would have one less place to talk to people.

I basically have two main groups of people in my life I can talk to more or less regularly:::

My family, and workers at the psychiatric clinic.

I suppose I could visit with other mentally ill people, but for reasons I won't list here, I don't.

There were old friends from school and church, some of whom I have friended with on Facebook --- but my school friends abandoned me, and I don't want to be involved with that church anymore.

Sometimes I have some communications with Avril Lavigne, and that's real nice, but she could easily just fit in with the psychiatric community designation.

I know on OUYA and now with my bitcoin store, I accept emails at my one email address.

No one ever really says much of value there. I kind of wonder if Apple blocks messages from the public because I get messages that look like this a lot:

I get lots of messages like that -- they don't really say anything, and I rarely click on the link - but when I do it's like, always leading to the same weight loss article online.

I get all these messages that don't say anything essentially, making me wonder if there's censorship.

So yeah, I have lots to say, but no one to say it to, so thanks for visiting my blog.

In some ways, being introverted, it's good for me to be lonely. But, to be honest, I basically don't have friends.


I did some work on that book I was working on a year ago again. I had some hope of maybe publishing it and selling it in my bitcoin store. I know, fat chance of that working out.

I try.

Now I should post this before my laptop crashes.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

An Update on Stuff

You know that poem I published a few days ago

BAH --- Stupid Crashing Laptop. I just had to restart my computer because somehow writing on blogger likes to crash this machine. Oh, darn it.

Anyway, that poem I wrote a few days ago: two things:

1) I looked up the word "debauchery" in a couple dictionaries. The word does not quite mean what I thought it meant. But it was still an OK word to use in that context anyway.

2) I said "I'm blinder now" in the poem. Truth was, a day or two before I wrote that poem I was accidentally shot in the eye with a nerf dart, leaving me partially blind in peripheral vision in low-light conditions. Good news::: I think I'm getting my sight back.

Whether my sight is returning because of natural law, or whether it's because of Jesus, or a friend praying for me, or a small chant I used to invoke a self-healing process, whatever it was, I think my sight is coming back, it's improving. Yay.

As for my bitcoin store::: well, if advertising on Amazon, or trying to sell books elsewhere or video games is any indication, I can't really expect people to buy.

The thing was though, for a long time I could put something up for sale on EBAY and it would most likely sell within days.  Somehow, now, people just won't buy things from me. My store has only been up for a day so we can give it some time.

All the reports I hear are that people just don't have the cash.

It's weird when I was young my family was quite poor, and I always saw everyone else as almost always being richer than me Now that I'm older, somehow I'm the rich one and most other people aren't so rich. Strange how that is.

But yeah, I was talking to a family member a day ago, and though he works at a real job and is really honorable, somehow I'm able to afford a dental implant, while he wouldn't have been able to.

So, who knows if I'll every sell anything in my bitcoin store. People are apparently just very poor, which means the tables have turned since my childhood.

Of course, unfortunately, when most people are poor, that means I'm unable to sell anything. Unfortunate.

So, I should post this entry before my laptop crashes again.  It's so annoying how unstable the software is on this hardware. Sometimes it runs for a long time without problem --- but often it will invariably eventually crash. So annoying.

My New Bitcoin Store

In the right-hand column on this website, there is now a BITCOIN STORE that you can buy some things from me with. Everything is in bitcoin. So far, I only offer some books I have on hand and special misprints and all, but it's all purchasable.

You just have to follow the instructions on the page to buy the items from me.

Remember: It's all in bitcoin, no real cash. Fun!

DO NOT pay me at the Donations address. I will email the payment address after you initially contact me.

Thank you.

I just added LTW First Edition Hardcover and TBoF Second Edition Hardcover to my store. Only one of each, however.

Just added an old XBOX 360 HD-DVD Player and a few HD-DVDs to my Bitcoin Store.

Saturday, June 17, 2017

First Poem I've Written in Years

When I Was Young
by Kris Attfield
June 17th, 2017

When I was young
I wasn't dumb
I was good in schools
And I obeyed the rules

My future looked so bright
But something wasn't right
Mistreatment abuse and debauchery
really took a toll on me

So on a day of disaster long ago
I fell apart - my mind was blown
So many people wanted to help
But some people wanted me in hell

I've grown up now,
I'm fatter now,
I'm missing teeth now,
I'm blinder now,
I'm worn out now

My psychic power is limited
my creativity is limited
I try and try and try and try
But I am immobilized

By the fact that I do not drive
I can't go places, I have to arrange rides
And I tried to work to grow in life
But I'm disabled and the knife
cuts a tiny piece of GDP pie for me
not enough to spend on lessons see?

So I try to be good
But the world is bad
And I become rude
And everyone's sad

I wish I could work and learn and grow
But old and worn out and with payment unknown
Is the way that I have become
When Jesus comes back, I hope I'll be young.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Dressed like it's the 30s.

It's 11:31pm so I have 29 minutes to write this post before the next day.

Today I was at the zoo--- and I was shopping at Superstore and Costco --------- that's how I got all that exercise I mentioned in my last post.

But something was weird. At the zoo I saw these dark-skinned individuals hanging around who were dressed up like they came from a past era --- the 30s I'm guessing it was.

The clothes were stylish suits, with a stylish hat, and maybe as you might imagine a jazz musician of the time to appear.

They were at the zoo. And I remember seeing them at Costco too --- as if they had followed our family.

Was today some special 'dress up like it's the 30s' day for a black community in Calgary?

Because I'm starting to wonder if I was actually seeing ghosts.

At Costco, I was in the restaurant area beyond the cashiers, as I waited for my Mom to check out. Right next to me a guy from the 30s showed up, and he walked from the "buy everything beyond this point" part to the "pick up the things you are going to buy" area --- he was walking through the store backward.

Just a little interesting and strange.  Why are the at the zoo and Costco? Why did the one at Costco not have anything to buy, yet he was past the cashiers, yet walked back into the store area? Strange behavior, strange clothing --- unusual in our day and age.

I'm basically just wondering what I was seeing.

Was I seeing ghosts? Were ghosts following me around today?

I mean, how do you explain these people at the zoo and at the store I just happened to be shopping at?

Just very strange.

They looked vivid and realistic as if they were just normal people. The clothing was from a different time, however.

I will also note another "differently" dressed people I saw at the zoo:::: I thought they were Amish of some sort, except they spoke plain English - not German or anything like that.

Basically, a bunch of white people from a long time ago who you would think are like the Hutterites or Mennonites of today, the Amish. But they spoke English.

Not sure. Ghosts again maybe? Really not sure.

So::: what should I do about that?

I should note:::: My sister's daughter is getting baptized into the LDS Mormon church soon. I wonder.

Just wondering if they were actually ghosts/spirits.  I should mention that the term "ghost" or "spirit" is pretty much synonymous, basically, the same thing, or at least, as a Mormon would understand they are basically the same thing.

Amazon Relevant Email. Sort of.

I checked my email a little while ago.

Usually, the messages that seem like spam don't seem relevant and seem to be fake.

But today I got a message that claimed to be from "THE UNIVERSITY OF IDAHO" ----- and it had something to do with Amazon.

My interest is piqued.

All the message said was "Hi", "3 Messages" and a link to click on.

So I clicked the link::: Just another one of those spammy weight loss articles.

Now I'm confused. Fake emails send weight loss articles like that.

But mentioning Amazon is relevant, and the U of Idaho should be respectable ---- so the message said very little except for a link to a spammy weight loss article.

Anyway::: got your message. Who knows what you are trying to say.

But::: about me losing weight::: today I actually got over 30 minutes of exercise, which is unusual for me, as well as I quadrupled my daily move goal on my Apple watch. yay.

Anyway:::::: just saying I got your message U of I person::: it intrigued me at first, but the link was just the same old spammy article [topic] other spams send.

So:: no idea. Lots of strange emails claiming to be from facebook and google, but they probably aren't.

A relevant email claiming to be from the U of I, and it was just an unexpected message on the link.

So::: I got your message, and yes, I got a bunch of exercise today, but I'm not sure what losing weight as to do with my website and life topic of Amazon.


On a side note, I've been writing with the help of Grammarly for a little while now, and I am noticing there are some bugs in the program which give suggestions which are actually wrong. I know my English well enough, and some of the "errors" are actually correct, and the corrections are errors. Just saying.

Tried Advertising Again

I tried advertising The Eagle's Sore again. This time with Amazon Marketing Services. The results make me sad.

I set a campaign budget of $100USD. The campaign would last a couple months.

I had 3,358 impressions.

Those impressions got 23 clicks.

Those clicks cost me $4.59.

And there were ZERO reported sales.

Actually, when you look at the Ebook for The Eagle's Sore on, the book went from not being sold/not on the bestseller's list to finally being listed on the best seller's list.

According to the book's page on, the book did sell a copy ------ but after days of waiting for that sale to show up in reports, there was nothing reported.

As you might imagine, this all seems very sad to me.

People ripped off The Eagle's Sore in droves from pirating sites and took it for free in droves ----- but for some reason with a few dollars in the price tag, all of the sudden no one can afford it.

I guess it must be a real struggle to have money for people who aren't on disability like me when pretty much nobody can actually buy a product for a small price.

I mean, I can't even afford to learn to drive a car (much less buy a car) ---- yet so many people out there who aren't disabled do own cars ----- but they apparently can't just pay a small price for my products.

Just something weird about that.

People will rip me off in droves, and nobody can be honest.

I guess that explains why some theologians or people who experience "death visions" report that there will be much more people in hell than in heaven. This might be an offensive thing to say, but seriously "THOU SHALT NOT STEAL" ----- When most people won't pay a small price and will steal, I can only think that God is going to have a problem with that. You have to be pretty forgiving as a thief to get forgiven yourself.

Yeah, I'm just spending my money to advertise, and it's sad how nobody will spend anything to pay me for my work. So sad.

Monday, June 5, 2017

Asking God for Help works

I got the above result in my guessing game directly after asking God to help me get a perfect answer.

Obviously, this shows that GOD DOES HELP and that psychic power probably has something to do with God. Beyond that, I'm not scientifically sure how this happens ---- but it does happen.

I'm really not a very powerful mentalist:::: I only have enough ability to know that such things exist and are real. I probably can't be totally relied on a lot of the time for good or perfect readings ----- it's just that this result is SO GOOD, SO MAGICAL, and only happened directly after asking God for help in getting a perfect answer.

Don't even bother taking this with a grain of salt --- I am being perfectly honest here.

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Living with Pain

My last post "Psychiatry is Wonderful" I deleted because it seemed like, I dunno, something I didn't really need to have on this website.

What I will say right now though is this:::

My life is peaceful and calm now, I'm mostly happy.

But my memories are a pain. It's like a psychological wound.

I just have too many memories playing over and over again of people who don't care to even try being somehow good.

There are actually a lot of people in my experience who seemed to have no good intentions.

Sometimes people praise "freedom of speech" --- but why?

On TV, the newly elected Federal Conservative leader said he would remove federal funding from universities who denounced free speech.

But is free speech really such a good thing? Opposing viewpoints are important to listen to ----

But when half your classmates at school are trying to hypnotize you to do something illegal ---- when does free speech become a problem?

I mean, free speech is just that --- say whatever you want. Free expression allows you to say it however you want.

I just have memories of classmates at school repeatedly trying to hypnotize me to be a bad person, without going into detail.

Free speech is just that -it's free ------ so when is it wrong to tell others to do things that are illegal?

To be honest, I've lived enough life to know that a lot of people don't filter anything they say --- it's just straight up bullshit with so many people ------ and many of the problems I have experienced in my own life were likely caused or influenced just by people saying whatever the fuck bullshit they ever wanted to say.

Anyway ---- just saying that I have really bad memories that play over and over again ----- and a lot of it is just people saying a bunch of bullshit that actually isn't right.

Part of the problem is that some people are not "fully educated" and don't know the right things to say.

But I am suffering psychologically. Just have memories of too many problems.

How is it that so many people just don't care about goodness? Good behavior leads to a prosperous life - how can it be any other way? And yet so many people in my experience just did not behave well.

I guess I'm pretty messed up. But seriously::: what kind of students at school attempt to hypnotize their classmates to do illegal things? I mean, seriously. There is something wrong.

My life is so completely messed up, and I'm just trying to recover.

Now I'm just rambling on. It can just be too much to put up with sometimes. And some people just don't seem to have the brains to understand how their behavior really affects others.

Anyway, I'm just suffering psychological -- life is good, peaceful calm, but I have too many bad memories replaying. It sucks. Why do people do that? It's just the stupidest thing.