So, in my second to last post I talked about economic equalization and how my mom and church do not believe in becoming super-wealthy.
In my last post I take a hint from the Plan Canada Charity that maybe my sales were donated to charity.
Well, Youtube, keeping up with their habit of talking about things I might be interested in, however they do this, put a video in my feed entitled "Who gets the royalties to Hitler's book?"
After Hitler died, in the most basic way to put it, good causes and charities got the royalties to Hitler's book.
And, undeniably, the contents of my first book are likely considered disturbing enough that it's not impossible that people would not want me to benefit from my own work.
My life is just a tortured painful mess isn't it? It's hell growing up, it's hell trying to figure out the truth, and when I publish the truth, it's more hell where I can't get paid.
As I told the psychiatric nurse earlier:::: it doesn't matter what side I choose, I'm going to be wrong.
What do I mean by this???
I grew up as a Mormon. I was brainwashed by Mormonism. I read the book of mormon. I found out that God wants to the Jews to be scourged. If I am pro-mormon, that means I am anti-Jewish, and people will dislike me heavily for this.
BUT ---- If I reasonably look at Mormonism and realize it's a load of quackery nonsense and baloney, then what?
Well, first off, if I try to make my family see the truth about their church and try to impress their minds to change, then I am being abusive to the women of my family.
You see, pro-Mormon, I am wrong for anti-Judaism.
As an anti-Mormon, I am wrong for "abusing women."
It doesn't matter what side I choose, I am going to be wrong. Hence, they decide to not let me make money from my publications maybe?
Anyway, to be clear::: The men in my family have enough brains to figure out the church was baloney.
Women, I hear from men's groups, are a bit slower than men. The women in my family can't even be told about the problems with the church they hold so dear, or else I would be abusing them.
I could talk about this concept from another historical perspective as well:::::
But the point remains:::: Pro-Mormon or Anti-Mormon, it doesn't matter what side I choose I am going to be wrong.
The best choice, obviously, is to be neutral. The problem is that when I grew up in Mormonism they taught that fence-sitting wasn't allowed ---- Your only choice is to be neutral, but the Mormons themselves say you have to pick a side, that there is no fence-sitting.
So really, I can't win, and if whatever evil I do may be a reason why I can't get paid ---- then I was doomed to no-royalties ever since my life began because:::::
My life was one big shit-mess right from the start.
I was given really-really shitty circumstances, and having lived through those circumstances, and now having written the book about it, I am further "shit-ified" by not being allowed to get paid for the story, or even for any of my work.
Seriously? I don't want to get into a huge discussion about my life growing up here, but it suffices me to say that I was handed a lemon in life.
And I've tried to make lemonade with that lemon, but my lemonade stand apparently isn't allowed to make a profit. So whatever.
So really, my life's wish of becoming wealthy is washed away simply because of all this bullcrap I've had to deal with since the beginning.
It doesn't matter what side I choose in the Mormon debate --- I am going to be wrong no matter what. And I was taught that neutrality wasn't even an option, even though it seems like the only reasonable choice at that point.