Monday, April 3, 2017

The simple life, or Mania?

For years now I've been living a pretty simple life --- I may be somewhat famous but I don't earn much or any money and I basically just stay calm living with my parents.

But with more recent developments, such as seeing a 2.6 million price tag on my book, or seeing someone wanting to buy me for even more ---- and then seeing someone who looks like Avril Lavigne coming along ---- I could end up diving headfirst into mania with things like this going on.

I could be schizoaffective. I'm like a schizophrenic (according to so many people) --- but with bipolar included ---- which means I have low lows (which I do) and I can get pretty high on life.

I'm actually wondering if there's wisdom in trying to keep my mood stabilized --- because I can start feeling really good about seeing big numbers and all that. And it is possible to feel "too good".

Actually getting paid more would probably be nice -- I might be able to learn to drive so I can transport myself. but, I have few friends, so I'm not sure how great things could be with such small circle of friends, when my place is basically at home with my family.

Obversely, if I were to live on my own I recognize I could get really depressed being by myself all the time --- that plus not having enough money to pay for everything on my income.

Sometimes it feels like the best place for me to be is just living a simple life with my family.

Although, with the right social connections (such as if Avril Lavigne wanted to be my really-good-friend) maybe I wouldn't mind trekking into a world of mania.

So::: should I live a simple life with my parents, where we try to keep my mood stable, or do I go off into mania, with huge success and all that?  The other option is more depressing--- lonely without enough money.

Hopefully things will work out ---- but I wonder how having huge success with big numbers could affect a mind that's schizoaffective.

Just thinking about it moments ago and I could feel the mania perk up.

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