Friday, March 31, 2017

Getting Old and Fat

I'm getting older, and last time I got weighed I was about 440 pounds.

When I look in the mirror, I see that I'm chubby, but I'm not super-fat in my own eyes, I can feel good about the way I look.

But I know it's getting harder and harder to stand and walk for long hikes or anything like was once apt to do.

Housing has gotten cheap enough here in Calgary that I can now, likely afford to buy my own place to live (own, rather than rent).

A lower food budget increases my housing budget, and hopefully without the fast food I'll be able to lose some weight.

But there's a threat that I could end up being one of those super-bloated-bed-ridden fat guys who just sits around all day and eats.

Besides the fact that my brother isn't well, life at home with my parents is pretty good, and just being able to go up and down stairs multiple times a day might be doing me some good.

But, life is getting hopeless, I'm giving up hope of hitting it rich ------

I talk to GOD about getting gain, and though God expresses good intentions for me, he seems more interested in the homeless and those living in poverty.

I was once of those super poor guys God would help, but now I'm happy and comfortable, with all my needs taken care of (even if I'm not super-super-wealthy).

God sees that I have all my needs, and he seems to be more interested in helping the people with less than me, rather than helping me take more.

So life can feel kind of pointless, and with how weighty I'm getting it feels like there's a threat that I might end up being over-sized-bed-ridden-and-addicted-to-food.

A voice in my head, which I thought was God, but I'm not too sure, suggested I could just give all my products away for free because nobody wants to spend actual money on my work.

I'm even too lazy to lower all my prices from <$3 to $0.

I suppose I could tell God that if I sold a lot of product that I could help charitable organizations, but I doubt that's going to garner sales.

So, I'm not super-super wealthy, but I'm well-taken-care-of enough that I could end up being bed-ridden-with-fat if I'm not careful,

and God seems more interested in helping poorer people.

But who knows? Maybe it was God who helped me get over my fast-food addiction. I haven't bought a fast food burger since the 8th of March, and I'm not craving, so that's good.

So, just getting old fat and lazy, the hopes and chances of my life passed me by and God is more interested in helping the poor.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017


So sometimes last year I was contacted by a Japanese person (in Japanese) who was interested in doing some kind of business with me that involved lots of money.

When I showed some of the message to my Dad's Japanese friend who I wanted to help me as an interpreter, he did NOT believe these messages were real --- and everyone around me generally thought it was all fake and scammy.

Anyway, from what I understood of this person's messages, they did identify themselves, and their Facebook profile said they had worked on a bunch of Marvel movies.

I thought Marvel was owned by Disney, so I thought this person was a Disney Employee.

But I turned on my Forge this morning and saw that Sony is behind the next Spider-Man movie.

Ah ---- a Japanese person from SONY --- makes a lot more sense now. I was confused about why Disney would be dealing in Japanese.

Anyway, I have difficulty understanding Japanese so I largely ignore her emails ---- and some of the newer emails weren't quite making sense to me ------ and even in Japanese I think there are too many typos to make this totally understandable ------

So, I could maybe understand if SONY was trying to get me to build a game for PS4 or something, but she didn't mention PS4. So I don't know.

Basically, SONY or Disney or whoever you are::: if you want to do business with me, I would need it in English. The Japanese is just too misunderstandable. Everyone thought the messages were fake scam mail.

When Xiaomi sent me an email:::: they sent it in English!!! It wasn't too clear why they wanted me to have an account at their company, but still::: it was in english!!!

So, I'm sorry if you guys feels like I'm ignoring you too much and if business doesn't make sense right now, but I don't handle stress very well and the Japanese is just too hard to understand. And there are so many typos and such that I can't help but wonder if the emails are fake, like everyone around me.

I'm currently signed up for a computer science course online ---- but though I have lots of free time, I barely spend any time on this course even, because, well, I'm not sure why, I guess I don't like doing it that much, or my attention span is too short, or maybe it stresses me -----

but yeah, I'm considered to be mentally ill, even severely handicapped, and meds only take me so far to mental improvement.

So, I'm sorry if I seem like I'm not paying attention::: but it's just too much to deal with when you send lots of Japanese messages.

Yeah, not much of a clue over here, sorry, especially when my interpreter wouldn't believe in it.

but the real reason behind this post is that I thought they were Disney, when in fact they may have been Sony, which makes a bit more sense. But it all may have been fake anyway.

Friday, March 24, 2017

In Awe of the God Mystery

I have watched a bunch of Atheism youtube videos in the past years - talking about how (in their science) science hasn't found God and how religion is full of evils -----

I will agree that religion can be very dysfunctional and maybe even evil, but in my own science, in my own observations of my reality --- GOD IS REAL.

In my last post I talked about how I asked God if I would win the lottery, and then I ALMOST won.

I forgot to mention in that post that on Monday I just out of the blue decided to take out the cards and poker chips and have a few play hands of poker with my family for fun ---- not knowing that this very same day Poker Lotto had been released. I don't normally play poker with my family, but that day I just magically decided to --- on the same day the Poker Lotto game was released, except I didn't know about the new lottery game.

And then I realized a memory I had which I posted about where I asked God for the winning Pick 3 numbers, and the voice or whatever in my head just told me what was printed on the front page of the lottery website.

In fact, in my reality, I can often know before I scratch if my scratch n' win ticket is a winner. It's not a perfect system of knowing because I think there are some mistakes --- but I have found it immensely useful to ask God about my chances of winning the scratch n' win before I play.

God is a big mystery. You often don't see Him anywhere, but he is there, as a voice in your head, telling you things you should not otherwise know.

Atheists say God could not be found anywhere in their explorations ---- but for me, somehow God is basically in my head, and he's telling me things I shouldn't know from my regular 5 senses.

The concept of God being inside us is well documented in Christian Texts.

Mormonism wasn't perfect or even that great --- but one great thing the Mormons did for me was introduce me to God and the concept of personal revelation.

Mormonism, as atheists would likely point out, is FULL of problems ------ but they did teach me useful things about talking to God, and stuff like that.

I think the atheists have a very interesting perspective on God and religion ---- but I don't accept it fully because from personal experience, on many occasions, there is something more out there that I can only think or know to call "God".

In some ways the psychiatrists have put the church to shame, but conversely the church knew things that the psychiatrists did not understand or even believe in.

The mormon church is at best dysfunctional at this point, but I did learn things from them which are very interesting and even realistic (in my experience).

There IS magic in the LDS Mormon church. I don't know how or why -- but I know it is there. I experienced it for myself.

Anyway ---- Atheists are very interesting and even very smart, but from what I've experienced they miss the mark ----- I have so much experience with a magical reality that I will not deny it --- because I know it is real.

The doctors can drug me, but I still know what I know.

The church is dysfunctional and full of betrayal --- but they do have some sense of a greater reality.

With psychiatry, in my past experience, anything to do with voices in your head and  you have a problem right away.

But it was the church that taught me about personal revelation ---- and personal revelation is very effective when it comes as a voice in your head, in my experience.

The voices that the doctors believe to be illness, and some mormons in high positions believe to be illness, are actually communications from a paranormal or maybe supernatural source that explain things you should know without knowing with your 5 senses.

Right now, I remember hearing a voice say "That bird's dead!" only later to find that day that our pet bird had died.

I remember hearing "Giant air strike!" in my mind, only to find out later from the news that the Americans had just performed a giant air strike in their war effort ----

the voices, which doctors drugged me for, are actually truthful and relevant.

And thankfully, a psychologist I once talked to accepted that.

But we also know that some voices are liars, and this is where mental illness comes from.

Sometimes the voices in your head don't tell the truth.  And it can drive a man mad.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Almost won a lottery prize

In The Book of Finch I tell the stories of how I mostly or almost predicted the Pick 3 properly as well as how I printed an old Super 7 ticket in 2007 and all three quick picks had the numbers 23 in them on the day The Number 23 movie was released in theaters.

On Monday, the Spring Equinox, the Western Canada Lottery Corporation released a new lottery game for us western canadians to play::: Poker Lotto.

I played twice on Day 2 of the lottery, the first times I played. No luck. The best I did was match three numbers (but wrong suits) on the nightly draw on one ticket.

So with Poker Lotto in Canada, there are two ways to win::: Instant win, and nightly draw. An instant win is if you get a good poker hand when you get your quick pick.

Anywho, today I was at a corner store, and I quietly asked God in my mind "If I play poker lotto right now, will I win an instant win?"  The answer I thought I got from God was affirmative. Basically, as I understood God in my mind, I would win the instant win if I played at that time.

So I go to buy my drink, and I also ask for the Poker Lotto ticket.

The numbers are printed:::::

results? I was ONE card away from a Straight. I would have gotten a straight if my Jack was a 2 instead.

I was TWO cards away from a Straight Flush.

I mean, since I lost the instant win, this seems like nothing ---- but in the first to tickets I played I didn't get nearly as close to a real hand.

If I had gotten the straight, I think my instant prize would have been $20.

if I had gotten a straight flush, the prize I think would have been $1000.

But yeah, just interesting like that, how I could ask God about my chances, get a good response, and then BOOM --- I'm off by one card.

So what went wrong? Who knows. maybe I am a little bit cursed in my life, which does seem to make sense. Or maybe God doesn't love me enough. I don't know. Whatever.

But to me, it was just amazing to have a positive response in my head, and then ALMOST get the prize.

Monday, March 20, 2017

More Famous Email

A year or two ago my spam box was being inundated with emails that claimed to be from essentially famous people. My spam box even said "there's a millionaire who wants to date you!"

Of course, I wasn't too sure about the authenticity of these emails, but it is true that Avril Lavigne or her body double have made appearances in my life more than once in the past year or so.

No email from Avril, but yeah, I'd get email saying a millionaire wants to date me (which I ignored besides seeing it), and then Avril or her body double show up at the clinic that helps me recover from my childhood.

Anyway ---- I was looking at financial information about companies I might ever potentially invest in online, when the email ding'd on my ipad.

I checked my email.

OK -- here we go again::::: A very famous business person has apparently just written to me.  OK then.

Email basically said the economy is doomed, and the government can't stop it from happening.

Take it all with a grain of salt......

but yeah, just weird to be doing investment "research" when I get an email in my inbox that claims to be from a famous business person. It looks like spam, but who knows.

So yeah, famous business person warns that economy is gonna blow. Or "implode", as the email said.

Is it real? who knows --- just very weird.

What's even weirder about this email is that it was sent to an address I have only used for pornography websites.

I have my regular email accounts for different purposes ---- the email addy that received this message was my old porno email. So whatever.

Yeah. huh.

I actually don't like sex that much, to me it's a nuisance and I like staying away from it ----- but as a young man full of testosterone I know that often times I was so driven with sexual appetite. So that's what that email was for ---- I just haven't used it for ANYTHING for a LONG time.

So, it's just weird that this old email that I pretty much never used got an email from a billionaire.

Who knows how.  Who knows how real it is.

Friday, March 17, 2017

What I Watch

I watch a little bit of Netflix --- but I watch a lot of Youtube. Educational Youtube.

Google figured out a way of figuring out what you are interested in, and then putting videos in your feed on that topic.

I learned about Mormonism, religion, Linux, the economy, banking, and winning the lottery. As well as being fed these "anti-materialism" videos. And stuff about telepathy.

Anyway --- there's TONNES of VERY INTERESTING content on Youtube.

And I'm pretty sure they gear your feed towards things you are interested in --- things special to you.

Maybe they talk to me about the lottery because sometimes I visit -- the Western Canada Lottery Corporation's website.

But I just kind of wonder when they're showing me a video about "How to invest your money if (when?) you win the lottery".

Basically, in my mind I'm just going back to the concept of how I had the potential to make a lot of money on my work, I saw a 2.6million price tag for my product, but I don't see sales or revenue at all or at most in very minute quantities.

Maybe there's no point in trying::: people just won't buy things. They prefer freebies and stealing, a couple bucks is WAY too expensive. Apparently.

I had the potential to earn a lot. I got very very little from my effort, and put so much of my own resources into these projects.

And I found evidence that people just didn't want to pay even the smallest amount for my work -- they wanted it for free, or they wanted to steal it.

But what if I did sell copies? If I sold a million copies, I wasn't told about it.

If I sold a million copies, there are people who should know --- like me for one, the government too, and I'm sure the Unity 3d people would like to hear about that too.

Yeah, it was just amazing how little I charge and how people just wouldn't pay.

That tells me there's likely something wrong. And it's a big problem.


And after proof-reading the above, my mind remembered a concept about Universal Basic Income:::

On Youtube, I learned that that with UBI you could be taxed for your business based on an "Automation Index" for your business.

Seeing as how my business is very automated, with me doing some work to build the product, but there's unlimited distribution very automated,

well, with such high levels of automation in my business, a UBI BAI (Universal Basic Income Business Automation Index) would tax me pretty heavily. So maybe that's maybe a reason.

Yeah, Youtube recently told me about that too.

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Did something go wrong with my mac? Or what is this?

I'll just explain my symptoms here, this is weird:

So, I've been learning and using XCode recently. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with this.

But 9 minutes ago my notifications on my mac said I had like 100-something notifications from Facebook.

I opened my browser to look at Facebook to see what's going on ---- there's not much out of the ordinary to discuss.

So I clicked on the top-right hand corner icon on my mac (the horizontal lines) and found the same notification repeated over like a hundred times:

 "Kris, find more of your friends on Facebook".

This is normally the kind of thing Facebook sends me, because I am a man of few friends ---- but how'd I get this like 100 times over?

Plus - notice in my screenshot how the notifications centre is all bright and light-based?

Didn't that happen to used to be darkened? What happened? I looked for a setting in my System Preferences to switch between light and dark -- maybe it's just me but I couldn't find it.

Maybe I'm just thinking of Budgie Remix's darkened notifications, and maybe I only updated to Sierra a little while ago ---- but yeah, I remembered the notifications to be dark, and now they're light.

And maybe it was just me, but I couldn't find a light vs dark setting in the Preferences just yet.

Does XCode have anything to do with this? A hundred notifications all telling me the same useless stuff, and a different color scheme?

Was I hacked, or is this a virus of some kind? Dunno.

Just very weird.

I suppose I should just mention that in my XCode playing I built two simple apps and sent them to my Sister and Brother-in-Law who also use macs as freeware. So who knows.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

They Phoned Me

Earlier this morning I mentioned that Xiaomi emailed me. I was cautious but hopeful. I wasn't too sure what to make of the message, but I did eventually send them an email asking what was going on.

And then, today as my Dad and I were fiddling with Software Defined Radio on my Linux Laptop --- I got a phonecall on my personal cell phone.

I didn't recognize the number, and from past experience I knew that unrecognized number phone calls tended to be garbage, so I screened the call.

I decided to look up the number that called online:::: The NDP phoned.


Alberta's ruling party phoned, and I'm not even a member of the party. I have historically showed tendencies to support them, but I'm not actually a member.

So, now I've got a mysterious email from a Tech Giant that I have to wonder about, as well as having to consider that the ruling party of my homeland just tried to contact me.

I feel so small now.

There is so much that goes on in my world, and I can't bring myself to remember everything important all at once --- especially when I suffer from severe psychological issues.

But there you are. The big guys are coming. And then in a week I'll forget about it all, and then who knows what will happen, if I'm ever so skittish about human contact.

So, is this all good news?

Some recent good news is that I've been low on cash for this current month's budget, so I've forced myself to kick my fast food habit.

For so many years I was addicted to eating out.  This month it's just not economical.  And that might just be a healthy thing for me.

I can have just as much food or more from cheaper sources, so I'm not complaining.

Hopefully I can completely kick the fast food habit, and live healthier and wealthier.

And the really good news is I'm not suffering from cravings, so yay.

But yeah, so much goes on, I can hardly think about it all at once, and today was just interesting.

I might as well also mention that the NDP will table their budget in the legislature on the 16th. So, something is going on.

An Email from Xiaomi

I know it's 5:22am where I live, but I was awake for a bit, and checked my email on my iPad.

I got an email (in english) that claims to be from Xiaomi --- one of OUYA's old "everywhere" partners.

The email kind of looks legitimate, except for how I didn't sign up for any Xiaomi services (except back when I suggested Pfhonge could be a game on their box).

I don't really know how I got this or why, so I'm not clicking on the "verify" button or whatever it they want me to verify --- because I need more explanation for what this is about.

Does Xiaomi want my game on their console, or is someone doing something wrong with my email address?

This is being done with my PRIVATE email address --- it's not ----- so therefore this might be somehow legitimate, but I'm not totally certain.

So yeah, got some kind of account sign up from OUYA Everywhere partner Xiaomi at an email address which isn't public, so this could be good news or bad news.  Right now I'm leaning towards 'bad news' and I'm not clicking the verify button because it would be nice to have some more explanation what this is about.

If Xiaomi wants my game --- they'll have to explain that to me. An account registration email alone doesn't fully explain anything, and could be perceived as not right.

So yeah, it could be good, it could be bad, I'm hopeful, but cautious.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Crazy Life

Like normal, my brain is working pretty hard again just reflecting on so many aspects of things I have experienced, like memories, and things I have written.

My life has been absolutely crazy.

But, it appears, we do happen to live in a very crazy world, so that might explain that.

Maybe things could have turned out better for me, but things definitely could have been worse ---- so all things considered, my life has actually turned out pretty well considering my circumstances. Mostly thanks to a more or less caring community.

When I look back on my life, there are actually so many things I wish had been different --- but I didn't really have much or any control over these factors.

Life has been absolutely insane, and I'm very lucky that things actually turned out so well for me.

Things aren't perfect for me, but things just seem to progressively get better. So we'll see.

And yeah --- I am so sick of so many things I've been through. I wish my life could have been very different. The destination to this point is pretty decent, but the journey sucked so hard.

I can easily see how I could've or could end up a madman.  There's just too much insanity that has surrounded me in all these different walks of life.

And though the psychiatrists weren't perfect, they have obviously definitely helped. So yay psychiatry.

I have been previously told that I think too much. And yeah, I think maybe it would be nice if my mind could rest from the swirl of thoughts about all the crap that goes on. But in my world, I have little better to do than think.

I do wish I could have friends --- but mostly people seem to prove themselves irresponsible or unlikable somehow.  When the christians say "we are all imperfect" --- they mean it.

Yeah, in my mind there just seem to be an emphasis on the madness in my own thoughts.  Things had just been so wrong for so long.

But, a caring community has helped me, so that is good.

So, not much more to say than that I'm reflecting on how crazy my life has been, all the madness from many directions.

And things turned out pretty well considering, thanks mostly to psychiatry.

The Mormons have their way with the NDP?

So:::: In pretty much ALL my media, I've been going on and on about Mormonism and their version of the doctrine of "forgiveness".

In past weeks, the Federal Liberal party came out and said they wanted religions to be protected.

So somehow, according to this email I received from an opposition party leader ---- the Mormons basically just got their way with our NDP Government.

The email says:

"Did you hear about all the violent, accused criminals who are receiving a get-out-of-jail-free card from the NDP government?

Right now, the NDP is staying charges for those accused of everything from impaired driving to sexual assault to first degree murder."

This is what the Mormons wanted, since the days of Joseph Smith.

In D&C 64 the Mormons teach "YOU ARE REQUIRED TO FORGIVE ALL MEN".  There is no personal choice on this matter in mormonism, EVERYTHING is forgiven.

So yeah, basically the Mormons were always telling me to FORGIVE EVERYTHING ---- and now such beliefs are showing up in our democratic law.

I guess, if that's the way the Federal Liberals want it. Or whatever.

Being forgiven for things I've done would be nice, since I was told before I started the behaviors that the Mormons WOULD forgive me (which they didn't, at least initially, and they didn't, for a long time).

So yeah, Ezra Taft Benson, a past Mormon prophet, taught that Socialism is evil --- and now the socialist NDP are implementing a Mormon teaching in public policy. So there you go.

I will also note that my Dad just couldn't believe the email I received. It seems unreal that such would all just be forgiven.

But yeah, it kind of feels like someone has been reading my books, or my emails, or my blog, or watching my youtube videos, or something. Heh, but who knows.

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Unkind Children

For the past few posts I've basically just been talking about how though I tried to be a good kid, I wasn't really too great of a kid.

This post in that series is about how I treated my siblings.

Basically::: My childhood with my siblings was a disaster.  Hurt and offence all around.

My parents would say "it takes two to tango" ----- and it's mostly true that my brother and I and my older younger sister would go at it with each other --- it was horrible.

Nasty name calling, and all kinds of crap being performed towards each other.

It was a nasty awful childhood, and in some ways I may be seen as justified ---- but it was mostly just plain wrong to experience and be that way as a kid (although my Dad just accepted it as NORMAL sibling rivalry).

I don't entirely feel too bad about behaving poorly towards my older brother or my older younger sister, because they were generally treating me like crap too ------

but my youngest sister is different.  My youngest sister is a really likeable all-round generally good person.  Most or all people just like my youngest sister.

I preferred her too -----

but that didn't stop me from feeling messed up by the way my other sister treated me ------

Basically, I'm not sure I can fully explain why I did what I did, because it wasn't a real good reason, but what I did,

is I was basically nasty towards my youngest sister about her weight.  Only for a short period of our younger childhood ----- but basically I would say I was getting messed up by the way my other two siblings were treating me, so I passed it on to my youngest sister.

She was a bit overweight, and I was unkind about it. I am ashamed of having been that way.

My youngest sister is one of the best people I know, and I was actually the lesser person for the way I treated her.

I was basically just so messed up by my other siblings that I passed it on to the youngest. Very sad.

What I did with my 2 other siblings was basically self defence ----- what I did to my youngest sister was more of a bullying situation.  And I'm deeply ashamed of that.

It was when we were pretty young.  And she doesn't seem to hold it against me, and it's good I didn't keep up that kind of behaviour ---- that behaviour lasted for a short time.

But generally speaking, my childhood was full of offence in relation to my siblings.  It was just fucking awful to live through.

When I think about my childhood, I often end up feeling suicidal.  Luckily, I'm not feeling suicidal right now, I just know there were deep problems with us as children, and I'm ashamed of how I once treated my youngest sister.

So, I really did try to be a good kid ----- but there was just so much wrong.

The church would tell us we would prosper if we did what we were supposed to.

My family DID NOT PROSPER.  Something was just fucking wrong with our lives.

A big shame.  But yeah, basically my family just has serious mental problems or something. Who knows.


And in my next blog post, I think I might (or might not) talk about a different angle on an issue from 13 years ago. I've barely touched on this before, but i thought about it last night.

Not fully sure I will talk about this though, I keep writing, but i wonder if I should just give my blog a rest.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Sex is a Nuisance

I think it was the ancient greeks (and I cannot remember where I heard this, but it is something I seem to remember from somewhere) decided that sex is a nuisance.

There are so many more productive things to do with your time than having to be occupied by nature.

I agree that sex is a nuisance, I went from the age of 14 to my late 20s feeling way too overpowered by sexual urges for so long, and it was a nuisance --- the reproductive urges were to strong and they were a distraction.

The good thing about Mormonism is that they inhibited my sex actions, meaning I never really touched a girl in a big way ----- and I think this has actually done me a tremendous amount of good.

Someone with less inhibition with my hormones could have caused a lot of trouble --- the inhibition kept me out of trouble, and I think I'm better off without a woman now that I'm older - no kids, no crazy lady, I am free to live my own life ----- thank you LDS Mormonism.

There likely is something wrong with me, if no woman would actually be with me. I mean, there have been women from time to time who seem to try to be with me, and I started ending it before it begins personally,

but in relationships where I was interested ---- somehow the girl stops being interested, which might mean there was a problem with me.

I could be the most intelligent boy at school, top of the class, and the girl could run around the world telling people how much she "loves" me --- and she still wouldn't actually be with me!

Yeah, I guess there might be something wrong with me.

I heard women are all about good emotions and good feelings.

I know what good feelings feel like, but I personally have very little interest in feelings. Maybe that's why women resist me so easily.

So, I'm obviously not perfect, and Mormonism actually helped me by keeping me away from the ladies (not that the ladies really wanted me anyway).

SO:::: I was over-active sexually, and women didn't want me. And it was that mormon church that helped inhibit me. So yeah, basically something was wrong.

Sex is a nuisance because of how much it needs to be done. It's a waste of time--- but nature desires constant reproduction it seems like, and it's annoying, so therefore it is technically a nuisance.

And I could have been a bigger nuisance without the inhibition. No woman actually wants me, even if she says she does.


In relation to my last post where I could have been considered evil for being a Mormon:::

it's true actually, I look back at my memories of high school when I was still doing the Mormon thing --- and I realize the other students weren't so accepting of me when they found out I was LDS.

I heard one of the teachers hated Mormons, and then Avril Lavigne's fanclub also rejected me for being Mormon.

So, as I've seen it in society as a whole, Mormonism is actually generally frowned upon --- even by the 2/3rds of Mormons who eventually quit!

So yeah, I was a totally gung ho mormon for a while, and that didn't make me the greatest guy ever.


So, though we would all like to be loved, there may be reasons why people wouldn't like me.

But the good news is I generally get along with most people now.

So what's the next step in talking about my less than great childhood?  Maybe the constant discord with my siblings ------ in my own family we just did not get along, and I was partly to blame for that probably. I know I wasn't the best brother.

The good news about that is that as adults we have improved a lot, and I can only hope I'm doing better now (which I might be).

I gotta post this before my Linux Laptop crashes. You never know when it's going to crash.

Monday, March 6, 2017

Caffeine in the Morning

One of my Evils as a child was my Mormonism.

It's not really fully my fault I was a Mormon, it was more my parents' choice than my own,

and I didn't give in completely to mormonism very easily either --- and then eventually I completely rejected them -----

But for a while I completely loved it and was completely in to it.

Is that wrong?  Maybe I was innocent, but Mormonism is a bit of a disaster so yes, it was pretty wrong.

Mormonism is the kind of religion that will say one thing, and then do another.

Like, they'll preach to people in England, telling them they don't practise polygamy, but when the English "saints" come to america to join Zion, they find out that polygamy was actually being practised --- the Mormon missionaries lied.

The Mormon church will teach and give the impression that they're totally friendly with the Jews --- but the Book of Mormon tells a different story.

Anyway, one thing I did while I was still doing the Mormon thing was early Morning seminary.

In early Morning seminary you'd learn Jesus quotes like "don't hide your light under a bushel, let it shine for the world to see " (or something like that, basically meaning tell people about the truth rather than keeping it secret).  And this quote was interesting because the Mormons don't even follow it --- they keep their Temple ceremonies hidden.

Anyway, I'd get up for early morning seminary, and then I'd basically be dozing off in class or at least trying to get some sleep in class because it was so early in the morning and I was tired.

What's weird about the church is they'd make you do all this stuff, they'd make you do all these works, they'd make you a very busy person, and you'd be falling asleep in Seminary because it was so early in the morning ----

And of course caffeine is banned. Or they said it was at least.

Now that I'm older, I've found that a cup of tea or coffee has enough caffeine that it's a GREAT way to start the day.

Caffeinated soft drinks don't have caffeine content like tea or coffee.

Anyway, if the Mormons wanted me to be truly fully productive during seminary, they should have had me drinking heavily caffeinated beverages to wake me up ----- tea would have been fine, coffee would have been great.

But, of course, tea and coffee are no-no's in mormonism.

They want you doing all these works, even early in the morning, yet they can't even just let you become awake and truly effective with tea or coffee.

It was kind of counter-intuitive.

So now that I've left Mormonism, now I LOVE tea and coffee.


Another bit of good news is that I'm more capable of sitting down and reading a book now these days.  I'm still kind of ADD, because I don't do it for as long as I should, and I like letting my mind wander, but the simple fact that I can take a boring moment in my life and just read something is really great.

So that's good news.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Good, Evil, and Love

So one thing I sometimes wonder about is if people love me, if they hate me, or if God loves or hates me.

I seem to get along well enough with people these days.

And as I listen to this Christian Music on Apple Music Radio, my thoughts have wandered to thinking about my childhood.

I thought I was a good kid.

But when I think about who I was ---- I wasn't necessarily really good.

In Dungeons and Dragons terms, I could probably been said to have been a "Lawful Evil" child.

Basically, I listen to this Christian music, and my self-righteousness melts away, and I'm convicted of my evils, in my own mind.

I thought I tried to be a good kid.  But I wasn't really all that great.

My childhood was a sort of disaster I think.

And there was a chance that I could have ended up as "Chaotic Evil" -----

But Jesus came by.

I don't know how good I could be said to be, but I'm not who I used to be anymore. I like myself more these days. I like my life more these days.

So, I try to be a good person. I'm not perfect, likely.

So if people didn't like me, thinking about my childhood: Maybe there'd be reasons for that. But I wasn't entirely smart as a kid, even if I did well in school.

But I'm different now.

Trying to understand what the right thing to do can be a task in different situations.

So, LOVE is a real good thing. LOVE AND PEACE.

Life isn't perfect, but it's getting better. I am convicted of a less than great childhood.

So yeah.

Uh, not where sure where to take this blog post anymore.

I wonder if people like me, but I realize my childhood wasn't the greatest, so it'd be no wonder if people don't or didn't like me.

But I'm a new person now, I'm different.

Who knows. Violence is for video games.  Love and Peace are for life.

Thursday, March 2, 2017

I Bought a "Magic 8 Ball"

In my last post I remarked that a news story based on a seance with the Mormon Holy Ghost may not be viewed as an accurate source of information.

Then I bought a magic 8 ball.

I just ran it through some telepathy zero:: it gave me two or three 2 streaks, getting it wrong each time on the 3rd time, and then it refused to give me any more answers, always saying things like "Cannot predict now".

It definitely seemed to work well enough with Telepathy 0, but then it just became non-determinate.

Yeah, I asked it a whole bunch of questions::: I think I got some good answers, but again, I won't post what it said here because some people might not take too kindly to it, it's about in the same category as 'a seance with the mormon holy ghost' level of informational correctness.

It did give some good answers I think, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't 100%. It was maybe 90-95-99%, maybe. Or at least what it said seemed to true.

Whatever the case, the Magic 8 Ball's answers DID put my mind at rest, or something put my mind at rest, because I've been able to go through the past day or two or three without the same old psychological problem bullcrap going through my mind over and over again, I've had a clear head --- so I think this is good, and something my dad will obviously like.


In other news, Calgary Alberta Temple has a new Temple President!!! And guess what, he was in the companionship of home teachers my family had as my Dad finally kicked out the home teachers!

Basically, there was an ex-area 70 and a future temple president, and they were our family home teachers! And then my Dad kicked them out! (that was a long time ago).

I do admit there does appear to be some magic in the LDS church, but it may just be Satan for all I know (magic 8 ball says 'most likely', and I believe that too).

Anyway, a church that told me to forgive everything, and I go through all this horrible stuff, not lifting a finger, and then they get all petty about something that's normal --- yeah, I'm not very interested anymore.

But what's interesting about having two high ranking guys as my home teachers is that the Patriarchal blessing basically said I'd be a high-ranking mormon too --- I was supposed to rank highly, but I couldn't get past a bishop who wouldn't forgive me for being a normal human.


So, the magic 8 ball has given answers, and the answers have put my mind at rest. Or whatever put my mind at rest.

it's good, because the magic 8 ball does seem mostly trustworthy, strangely enough, but I know I shouldn't post it's answers on my blog because it may not be viewed as accurate or may be seen as "not good things to say".

But it gave me answers, and I managed to get through a whole day without the psychological problems, I had a clear head --- so that's good.

but yeah, I am aware that the 8 ball isn't 100% right, sometimes it changes it's answers, sometimes it gives an answer depending on the setting it seems, so it's weird.

I know, I seem crazy to put my trust in a toy like this, but it does appear to have some idea, weirdly.

I mean, it only just managed to answer a bunch of telepathy 0 tests right, and then it refused to answer after that! Amazing!


Further testing of the magic 8 ball on telepathy 0 shows that the device isn't much help. It doesn't do much to help.

But when I asked God for help, and did Telepathy 0 with my own mind, I got another 7 streak this evening.