Saturday, February 18, 2017

So much going on - and why was I "the bad guy"?

There is so much going on in the world, more than I can deal with - especially when I don't know how to drive and my transportation always has to follow someone else's schedule. There's so much going on ---- I don't know how to be a fully active member of this world, but then again, who would want me to be a fully active member of this world when I appear to be "the bad guy" in so many ways in my life's story (the book of finch).


OK ---- I am a good person. I try to do the right thing.



I learned from Youtube Psychology videos that a sociopath is someone who took so much abuse when they were young that they turned out to be anti-social getting older and growing up.


Personally, I, at most, became asocial and my psychiatric doctor does not view me as a sociopath ----


but I can identify with the element of sociopathy where if you take so much abuse when you are young, there's a point where you go "no more mr nice guy".



I took a lot of crap when I was a kid, so as I got older I became more and more "malevolent and misbehaved".


I'm good now, I'm recovering now, but I think it's too bad that in so many ways I became "The bad guy" in my life's story.


I guess I took enough abuse when I was young to turn out asocial when I got older. Not anti-social, but it's lesser cousin "asocial".


I turned out so wrong in so many ways when I got older.  But, I can only think that all the abuse and torment I took as a kid helped turn me into that person.



So, We can just be very happy now that I'm recovering, and I'm a nice good guy again. And I'm medicated, that might be something that helps me.



There's so much going on in the world, and it's hard to be a respected member of society, maybe, when seen as "the bad guy". I could, maybe, be viewed as "The bad guy", but I'm just going to say my asocial behaviour likely stemmed from all kinds of abuse and torment I took as a kid.


And I'm not going into detail. It's enough to say that when I think of my childhood, I easily end up feeling suicidal.

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