So, For the past few days, I've been thinking a lot, talking a lot, writing a lot ----- my brain has memories and issues to work out.
And I will say this much about that situation::: It's too bad that it's now 15 years later and it's still haunting my mind.
Psychology videos on youtube have explained that suppressing the discussion of issues like this just makes it come back more and more, stronger and stronger.
My Dad likes to tell me I've already discussed this stuff before ---- but the thing is, right since the beginning of the issues HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SUPPRESSING MY DISCUSSION AND THOUGHTS.
I have very big valid concerns about what was going on, but my Dad would NEVER just let me discuss the issue openly ---- it was constant suppression.
According to the psychology videos, you are supposed to let the discussion flow, and let the whole thing take it's course, and eventually it will resolve or go away or whatever --------
but my Dad has done me a huge disservice by constantly suppressing pretty much every issue right from the beginning, meaning it never resolves, runs its course, or goes away ------ constant suppression just makes it come back stronger and stronger.
I try to tell my Dad what youtube said about how suppression is wrong, but my Dad basically doesn't trust anything that is said on youtube at all ----- even valid psychological teachings are dismissed as fake in his mind.
THE BIGGEST reason, at the time, for why Avril Lavigne as such a big thing in my life, was because she gave me verbal recognition of the fact that the BallerinaGirl was a liar when she claimed she never wanted anything to do with me.
The simple fact that Avril pointed this out in her song makes her a hero. Why??? BECAUSE I WENT MONTHS TRYING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO MY PARENTS AND THEY NEVER LISTENED. It was like they never understood or could reciprocate what I was telling them about the situation, they couldn't just look at the proof I was trying to show them ----- my own parents were essentially stonewalling me.
The fact that Avril said that one true thing in her song was monumental in my life because it was the very first recognition I had heard from anyone about this point in my life.
My parents just acted like they weren't paying attention or something, which is possible because my Dad has ADD.
My mom is a lot better about this stuff than my Dad. I can talk to my Mom. I can tell her problems, and she's at least somewhat helpful, I can feel good after talking to my mom about issues (and yes, she is trained as a medical doctor, and a nurse).
My mom lets me say my piece, she might try to say something helpful in return, and it's positive and the discussion flows. It's good, I find peace in my mind.
But my Dad just constantly suppresses and talks about how I'm not even allowed to talk to pretty much anyone about anything except for my psychiatrist.
According to my Dad::: the only person I can talk to about issues on my mind is the psychiatrist. But realistically, that's just not going to work.
My Dad doesn't even let me talk to my Mom about it. My mom is helpful, but my Dad doesn't want ANY discussion.
And I have been suppressed for years, so I'm a mental wreck, because my Dad is constantly blocking the way of this issues, and his suppression actually causes the brain problems to continue, at least the psychological videos say so at least.
The issues should have been settled and dealt with years ago.
But my Dad can never just let me talk about the issues openly, and is constantly shutting me down. It has been this way right since the beginning.
I'll just say, that my Mom has been some help, though my Dad doesn't really want me talking to her, and also God, or an angel, or whoever is in my mind, I know has helped too ---- because I'll be thinking about a situation, and then I'll hear a thought, and the thought truthfully explains the situation, and then my mind is at peace, and there was an explanation or whatever. That actually happened today.
So yeah, I'm basically a psychological wreck because my Dad has never let the discussion flow. He's constantly suppressing, so I've had to deal with these issues for years, because my Dad just never let the discussion find an end --- it's just constantly pausing every step of the way.
Try watching a movie and someone keeps pressing the PAUSE button every 10 seconds. That's basically what my Dad does.