I don't want to send the same people too much email, so I'm writing on my blog.
I'm having a psychological problem.
About two weeks ago I had the same or similar psychological problem.
My parents suggested I talk to a psychologist about it. I'll have to wait to see my psychiatrist before I can get a referral (if that ever happens).
I'll just say a bit about my brain problems here:
My brain understands that what I went through in the church was BS - it was nonsense, I know that, I understand it, I'm able to classify it that way ----- but my brain likes to replay the memories, it's like I can even physically feel it in my head that my brain tries to analyze the experience, but the experience is such nonsense that my brain can't make heads or tails of it. And it just replays again and again.
One major problem I had with the church was their version of the whole doctrine of FORGIVENESS.
YOU ARE REQUIRED TO FORGIVE EVERYONE.
So I go through my life, being hurt and damaged in this way and that, and the church holds it over my head that I am required to forgive these people, all of them, because if I don't, then I'm AUTOMATICALLY WORSE THAN THEY ARE --- regardless of what I actually did in my life.
But here's the the thing:::: I was having to go through life facing all this abuse and torment, not being allowed to lift a finger against it ------ but there was a problem with the church's way of teaching me -----
When I was playing video games on Sunday ----- did my Mom forgive me? If you call screaming like a demon-bitch threatening to pull the plug from the wall if I don't turn it off forgiveness. I mean, she was really pissed --- just because I was enjoying my day off with some gaming.
When I confessed to the bishop that I masturbate, did he forgive me? Well, he penalized me, he wouldn't allow me to become an elder, and I believe he went behind my back to tell my Mom to turn off the internet connection. he accused me of more than I was aware I was guilty.
I mean, it's not even illegal to play video games or to masturbate ---- but the church treated me like they had a very serious problem with these issues.
I could go on ------- whenever someone wronged me, I was required to forgive it, but whenever I did the slightest thing that the church might've perceived as wrong, I was penalized and punished or mistreated over it.
Joseph Smith DID say in D&C 64, the scripture Mormons like to quote about forgiveness, that after you forgive someone you should take them to law over what they did ------
And though that teaching itself doesn't make any sense and is basically the opposite of what the rest of the world defines as forgiveness -----
The thing is, many things I did weren't illegal anyway, so they couldn't have called the police on me. They "forgave" me by mistreating me in one way or another, basically, even if it wasn't illegal.
The Mormons like to teach "By the wicked the wicked shall be punished". That comes from The Book of Mormon.
They basically like to say that if you are a good righteous person, you would never punish anybody, you would always forgive everybody.
First off::: it directly contradicts the bible. Second off::: it also contradicts D&C 64.
The Mormons should be asked:::: you say it is by the wicked that the wicked are punished ---- but is it at all in any way possible that a righteous person could punish the wicked?
Just something to think about, because Jesus said "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone", and though the Mormons taught this, they contradicted it with the book of Mormon and D&C 64 as well.
According to Mormonism, you will only receive your blessings, such as your patriarchal blessing ONLY IF YOU DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO.
So if you masturbate, that means your ability to work miracles will disappear, or if you fornicate then you can't have your wife.
But by the same logic, that also means that if you drink coffee, then you can't have a job.
It basically doesn't make sense. The church makes masturbation and coffee banned, yet both practises are harmless, are even beneficial, yet they like to mistreat people about doing them.
So yeah, there are just these things that I learned in Mormonism that blow my mind, that I know are nonsense and are useless informations they taught me, that it was all BS ------ but my brain just replays it from time to time.